Awake and Alive
by AnEnduringHope
Summary: "I knew that my life was intended to be lived by his side. My heart was made specifically to love him – to be the balm that healed his wounds... He had been my savior, now I needed to be his." An Alice/Jasper love story.
1. Chapter 1

**This story has been pestering me to be written for months now, and I finally gave in! If you've read my story **_**Journey Through the Flames**_**, this first chapter will sound pretty familiar. I'm setting the scene, so to speak. If you haven't read Journey, and you want a more in depth look at Jasper's history, that's the place to go. I'm just kind of giving a recap here… I'm in a hurry to get to the good stuff! :-)**

**This story is going to take us through Alice and Jasper's early years together… the formative years of their relationship. I'll warn you now, this is a different train of thought than I've seen anywhere else before. We're going to end up in the same destination, I promise, but we're just taking a different route. I'm hoping you'll give it a shot. I'll be holding my breath to hear what you think… well, figuratively, that is! (wink)**

**Enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: All recognizable characters, themes, and dialogue are the sole property of Stephenie Meyer and no copyright infringement is intended. I just love her characters too much to leave them alone!**

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**Alice **

**1920s**

Darkness.

The darkness was all around me. Consuming me. Encompassing me.

The darkness was all I knew.

There was no pain, no feeling, nothing to mark the passage of time. Time didn't exist in the darkness.

The darkness had no beginning and no end. There was nothing.

I was trapped in the vague, empty void with no way out, and with nothing to struggle against to break free.

In the instant when something broke through the dark abyss into my consciousness, I grasped it like a lifeline; clinging to it in this sea of emptiness.

_Alice_…

The soft whisper of sound wrapped around me like a caress, soothing me, comforting me – the first sound my ears had ever heard.

If I had dreamed for a thousand years, I could have never imagined that such love could be infused into a single word. The deep tenor could only have belonged to an angel… my angel, coming to release me from this prison of darkness.

I waited for the voice to speak again – needing it as an anchor in the void in which I existed.

I strained to hear it, becoming anxious when I couldn't

Finally the voice came back to me, speaking in murmurs too low for me to understand. But the words didn't matter. The musical lilt of his voice soothed me like a lullaby – calming me, sustaining me. The darkness meant nothing as long as he was here with me.

I wasn't alone anymore.

_My Alice…_

Gradually the voice became stronger, more distinct. The beauty of it caused a strange fluttery feeling in my chest. I could listen to this voice forever and not tire of it. Surely a more beautiful sound could not exist.

A gentle light filtered into my awareness, shining from the same source as the voice that my world had suddenly come to center around. Slowly the face came into my view.

Some small part of my mind noted the scars that marred his features – the scars which _were_ his dominant feature. That instinctive part of me warned that he was dangerous, that I should be afraid.

Perhaps I should be, but I wasn't.

The warning was pushed from my mind as I focused wholly on burning this face into my memory, each and every detail of it.

Blonde curls framed his face lending him a boyish appearance that was incongruous with the rest of him. A single curl fell over his forehead, and, for the first time, I felt my fingers as they itched to reach up and brush it back… to feel that lock of hair and see if it was as soft as it appeared.

His eyes were brimming with warmth… oceans of love were contained in their amber depths. I could see the gold flecks that sparkled in those eyes… the long, dark lashes that framed them, contributing to his boyish look.

My eyes caressed his straight nose, the strong line of his jaw… the full lips that were turned upward in a tender smile.

He was beautiful… perfect.

Even the scars couldn't diminish his perfection. A desire rose inside me to caress each of those marks, to brush my lips over them and love away the pain that must have accompanied them.

I traced my gaze over him again, memorizing every minute detail.

This time my gaze continued onward to the breadth of his shoulders, the curve where his shoulders joined his neck – a place where my head was made to fit.

My eyes adored the strength that was evident in the defined muscles of his chest, and in his arms – arms that were meant to hold me and to shelter me. I knew the protective circle of those arms was meant to be my own special haven.

His hands fascinated me. That instinctive place inside me knew that these scar-covered hands could be used to crush, to break… to kill. But none of that mattered to me, for now they were being used to cradle, to caress.

By slow degrees the vision had shifted, until now I could see a woman by his side.

The face that I saw now was strangely foreign, though somehow I felt that I should recognize it. Her features were delicate, her build slight. A perfect counterpoint to his tall, masculine beauty. As if she had been fashioned specifically with him in mind.

That woman was me, I realized.

Alice.

That was what he had called me, so that was who I was.

The palm of one of his hands was curved against my face, cupping it gently as if the slightest twitch of his fingers could crush me. The other traced a soft path from my temple to the corner of my lips.

The adoration in his eyes produced a soft warmth that began in my chest and spread through my body down to my fingers and even to my toes.

_I love you._

The voice that belonged to my angel breathed against my hair.

The gentle warmth surged again with his words. My body felt weightless – not the same as before when the darkness obscured it, but as if he was supporting me… as if I was being carried in his strong arms.

There was no room for fear or anxiety in my heart now – no need to struggle. I was with my angel… I was home. Peace that came from his presence wrapped around me softly like a blanket.

Slowly his face lowered closer to mine, his eyes never breaking our gaze. I could almost feel his soft breath blowing against my face. My eyes slid shut as I finally gave into the desire to reach out for him – to touch him.

My hand rose to brush that unruly curl away from his forehead as his lips hovered a breath away from mine.

_Jasper._

No sooner did the soft moan fall from my lips than he disappeared.

My eyes shot open in a vain attempt to bring him back.

It was no use. He was gone… and the light was gone with him.

I jumped to my feet taking in the bleak brick walls surrounding me. My angel was nowhere in sight.

He wasn't here…

Why wasn't he here?

Desolation crashed over me, knocking me from my feet. I fell to my knees under the crushing weight of this sense of utter _aloneness_. This was far too much like the darkness from before, only now it seemed twice as dark since I had seen how bright his light could be.

A scorching burn made its presence known in my throat, but it was overshadowed by the aching feeling in my arms… and the heavy emptiness that was carved in my chest.

My eyes stung as I raised my arms to wrap around the hollow cavity where my heart should be.

_He_ was my heart. Without him I would never be whole. The emptiness that consumed me now, as the darkness had before, was something only he could fill.

"Jasper." The sound – the first my lips had ever uttered – came out as a strangled cry. My arms wrapped tighter around myself… a poor substitute for the arms I craved.

I fought to bring his face to mind again. My fists clenched and pressed into my eyes with my effort.

Finally his face flashed into my sight again, though I had to look twice to see that it was the same man as before.

His face was almost unrecognizable. The eyes that had gazed so lovingly at me were now cold and hard, and, instead of the rich golden hue as before, they were a glaring blood red. The smile that had brought light into my darkness was nowhere in sight. Those lips that I had ached to feel were drawn into a tight, firm line.

His jaw was set, and his posture was cold and forbidding as he paced in front of a line of restless beings. The tender voice that had guided me from the darkness was replaced by a harsh voice barking instructions and commands at those restless ones.

Without warning, one of the beings towards the center of the line charged at him with a vicious growl. My heart leapt into my throat in fear that my angel, different though he appeared, might be harmed. I needn't have worried for him.

The attacker hadn't closed half the distance before Jasper had leapt to the side, his arm slung out sending the other careening into a massive tree across the field. The tree crashed to the ground with an earth-shattering boom.

Before he even had a chance to regain his footing, Jasper had descended on the one foolish enough to challenge him. I watched as the hands that had cradled my face like it was spun glass, tore him into pieces while the others watched from the sidelines with wide, shocked eyes.

Like them, I couldn't tear my eyes away from my angel… the angel who had rescued me – now an avenging angel… an angel of death.

I watched, spellbound, as Jasper set fire to the broken pieces, and then as he straightened his posture again, his military bearing bordering on regal.

"Let that be a lesson to the rest of you," he roared. "You will listen and do exactly as I say. _That_," he gestured with a wave of his hand to the flames, "is the fate of anyone who attempts otherwise. You have all been placed under _my_ command now. I suggest you remember this when any of you are tempted by such foolishness again. "

As one, the remaining six beings shrank back, their posture speaking clearly of fear.

Jasper motioned for the three men who had been standing guard on the perimeter throughout the whole time keeping the others in line.

One in particular caught my attention. He resembled Jasper enough to be his own brother with the same tall, lean frame, and similar blonde hair. Instead of watching the six standing in line as the others had done, his eyes had been focused intently on Jasper throughout the short fight. I could see the determination in his eyes, as if he was waiting for a moment when his help might be needed. Standing at readiness if Jasper had required his aid.

I felt a surge of gratefulness for this man I didn't know – someone I instinctively knew was a friend to Jasper.

"We're finished for now. Let's take them back to base." Jasper's words were clipped, carrying an undeniable command.

He didn't have to speak twice. They all fell into a formation and herded the six still wide-eyed beings back to the dreary, dilapidated buildings a few miles away.

I studied Jasper's face as they walked. His eyes were guarded, blank. There was no discernable emotion on his face at all. It was empty, detached from everything and everyone around him, as if a mask covered his features.

The mask didn't fool me. I could see right through it – straight to the hopeless darkness that chained him, holding him prisoner.

His eyes were open, but he didn't really see…

He was alive, but he wasn't really living.

The vision shifted again until I could see him walking by himself in a field with the sun hanging low in the thick clouds behind him. He appeared preoccupied, and I would have given anything to know what he was thinking to put that expression on his face. I needed desperately to know him… to know the secret thoughts that were hidden behind his façade of indifference.

Jasper's steps suddenly came to a stop, and, without warning, the mask fell away. Utter despondency became visible on his face as his shoulders slumped with the weight of this depression. I could feel the despair that was painfully evident on his countenance as it wrapped around my own heart. His pain was mine.

My arms ached with new intensity with the need to hold him, to cradle and shelter him from whatever caused the pain he was stumbling under. The protectiveness that I felt surprised me, especially in light of what I had just seen. The thought that this man could need me to physically protect him was ludicrous. No, his body didn't need my feeble protection, instead, it was his battered heart that I wanted to shelter.

My heart ached as I watched him sink to the ground and lay his head against his knees.

Seeing the savage side of him before should have frightened me; it should have made me turn and run the other way. But it accomplished just the opposite. Nothing could have prepared me for the aching need that I felt at that moment. I knew that my life was intended to be lived by his side. My heart was made specifically to love him – to be the balm that healed his wounds.

Just as he had been the one to rescue me from the nothingness that had chained me, I wanted to be the one to release him from this prison of darkness that held him captive.

He had been my savior, now I needed to be his.

The vision dissolved, and, once again, his face faded from my view.

With the disappearing vision, my resolve firmed. I was _going_ to find him. And I was going to spend the rest of my life loving away the hopelessness I had seen in his eyes.

_Hold on, Jasper._ My heart called to him. _Keep fighting; don't give up… I'm coming for you…_

**Jasper **

**1876**

I strode down the tunnel in the midst of the dank, musty air, down the underground corridor to Maria's chambers. I had news – news that I planned to use as a nice little bargaining chip.

I had been growing suspicious of Nettie and Lucy for some time. To Maria's face, they behaved just as they always had, but there was some form of conniving from them – something brewing under the surface that had been growing more apparent to me for several months now.

I sensed a certain spite from them in Maria's presence. I felt a sense of superiority which was not befitting their positions. I had suspected them of plotting something underhanded – some kind of subterfuge. I had been right.

There had been a strange restlessness throughout a division of the newborns lately – a different kind of restlessness than was normal for them. I knew something wasn't right. It had been all too easy to take one of them aside and… _question_ him – in a manner of speaking.

By the time I was finished, he had told me everything I wanted to know and then some. He had been stupid enough to believe that his cooperation and loose tongue would warrant clemency. He was wrong – as the ashes blowing with the wind now proved.

I ignored the two guards standing outside Maria's door and went inside. She was poring over her maps, devising her next offensive, just as I'd known she would be. She looked up briefly as I entered.

"You left your post." Her tone was disapproving – for now. That would soon change.

"I need to speak with you… privately." I said, eyeing the two outside.

She glanced up, looking at them. "Get out," she told them without preamble. They left without a word, and, when they had gone, she turned to me. "And just what is it that's so important you had to disobey orders to tell me?"

"Something that will be worth your while to hear," I told her, propping myself on the wall nonchalantly.

"Let's have it, then," she said shortly.

"In a moment." I said, preparing to lay my cards on the table. "You see, there's something I want from you in return."

Maria's eyes widened in disbelief at that statement. "Oh, and what might that be?" She asked in a deceptively pleasant tone. She eyed me speculatively, not certain what to make of this game I was playing. I'd never dared to speak to her like this before.

I stepped forward, placing my hands on her desk and leaning towards her. "I want the territory between Houston, Dallas, and Austin." The three cities made a nice little triangle of land that would be excellent feeding grounds.

"You're joking, I assume." She narrowed her eyes at me, her voice growing cool very quickly.

"Not at all," I met her gaze evenly.

"You must think quite a lot of this 'information' of yours, Major." Her frostbitten tone, was a threat for me to back down, and normally I would. I had never before attempted to play this kind of game with my maker.

"It's worth it," I assured her, holding my ground.

Her eyes narrowed to little slits as her indignation to my evasiveness mounted. I was keeping careful tabs on her anger. I knew I was being bold, but, like a poker player, I couldn't resist playing a good hand – and I had a good hand, there was no doubt about that. There was enough curiosity from Maria to keep me going… and a certain level of something akin to appreciation, so I didn't back down from her glare.

"Of course, I could have just have you destroyed for this defiance. I don't have to give you anything." She hissed.

"You could," I conceded with a nod, "but then you'd never find out what I know – at least not until it's too late." I smirked. "That would be unfortunate."

She stood, leaning her fists on the desk, mirroring my pose. Her nose was mere inches from mine, her posture as threatening as her words. "I'm quite certain I could get it out of you another way."

"You could try." I didn't shift from my position, no matter how much my instincts warned me to.

Maria had not been certain that I had the ruthlessness to last in this life. Up to this point, I had given her what she wanted without question. I had been eager to please. And, in some capacity, I was still trying to do so. She wanted to know that I could play the game? That I knew how to get what I wanted? So be it. It was time to rise through the ranks once again.

She studied me for a moment, her glare daring me to back down. But inside I could feel her indignation warring with admiration.

Admiration won.

Maria threw back her head and laughed. She clapped her hands in approval. "Nicely played, Jasper. I honestly didn't think you had it in you. It would appear that you're learning from me after all." She seemed inordinately pleased at the thought. "Very well. The land you requested is yours… provided that your information warrants that kind of reward."

So I told her everything I knew. That Nettie and Lucy had been plotting against her. That they had an uprising almost ready to take place. I gave her the names of all the newborns they'd enlisted… we disposed of them all immediately – swiftly and silently.

Nettie and Lucy didn't see us coming. They were destroyed just as easily as the newborns had been.

Standing over their pyre, Maria felt no remorse. She was already calculating how their demise benefited her… there were now two less to share her herd lands with.

And now, risen through the ranks I had. With the two of them gone, I became Maria's second in command. Her partner.

Yet even as I worked alongside her daily, there was no question in my mind that, when and if, my death served her better than my life, she would have me destroyed without a twinge of conscience. The only reason I was alive now – that I had even survived the first year – was because of my particular talent. It was advantageous to her to keep me around.

She used me.

And I determined to use her just as shamelessly.

Over the next six decades, we built an empire together… and a reputation to match. Among the Southern covens, we were hated as much as we were feared. Our lands increased and vendettas against us abounded just as profusely.

For every scar that was added to my body over those many years, there were at least ten immortals who had been vanquished by my hands… and yet more who would have paid handsomely to see me dead. Immortals, ally or foe, took one look at my ravaged visage and felt fear to their very bones.

I had become a monster… a demon from the deepest, blackest pits of hell.

As those years passed, and as those scars came to mar nearly every inch of my body, my heart was sacrificed… my conscience silenced. With every day that passed, I lost a little more of myself, until finally I had lost sight of _Jasper Whitlock_ altogether. He was a stranger to me… that man who had fought with honor for his God, his family, and his country… a man who had valued integrity and loyalty… a man who had known and lived by principles.

That man had died on a still January night in the year 1863 on the road from Galveston.

That man was dead.

And yet he haunted me.

With each passing year, I fell deeper and deeper into depression. Every day was the same vicious cycle… hatred and death. Death spawned more hatred among those left alive, and so the feuding continued. There was no escape from it.

I cursed this ability to feel the emotional atmosphere around me. I couldn't so much as feed without being reminded of the life I once had – the life that had been wrenched from me. I couldn't escape the fear, the terror that was so reminiscent of my own death.

I had grown weary… so very weary.

I wanted an end to the hatred and the incessant killing.

I wanted to die.

I sought after death. Each battle I determined would be my last. Yet each time, some indefinable _something_ prevented me from giving up at the last possible moment… but what that something was, I hadn't the faintest notion.

Maria couldn't understand my ever deteriorating frame of mind. This depression was something she couldn't relate to – she thrived on the godlike feeling of deciding who lived and who died. It was what she existed for… and she was incapable of comprehending why I was not the same.

She grew increasingly suspicious of my dejected nature. I came to notice that same unrest, that same malice, that had given me warning when Nettie and Lucy planned their uprising so many years before.

By the 1940s, it was obvious that we could no longer exist together. One of us had to die.

After all those I had murdered in the past, I was strangely adverse to killing her. After all, she had been my mentor, my companion for more than seventy years. I'd worked by her side, training her army and building her domain.

I didn't necessarily want to kill her, but I didn't see that I had a choice. There was no other way out… or so I thought.

My escape came from the most unlikely place.

The only "friend" I had allowed myself in all my years as an immortal was a man named Peter. He was one of our most skilled fighters, but he didn't relish the battle. He was civilized in a way that I had nearly forgotten. Peter quickly earned my respect for both his skill and his trustworthiness.

When he came to love one of the new ones brought into our camp, I was surprised. When the newborn returned his feelings, I was stunned even further. That was an emotion that I hadn't felt in so many years I had all but forgotten what it was.

Intellectually, I recognized it, but, for myself, I had nothing to compare it to. Certainly what I shared with Maria was anything but love. There was nothing giving, nothing selfless, as I came to see Peter and Charlotte's feelings for each other characterized.

My heart was still and silent as stone. There was no question in my mind, I had lost all capacity to love.

When the time came for Charlotte to be eliminated, Peter protested but it did no good. I had my orders and there was no choice to be made – or so I had believed.

When Peter interfered, I thought to destroy them both. It was what Maria would expect… but I couldn't.

They ran. And I let them go.

Perhaps, I thought, they might be able to have the escape from this life that was denied me. Their love was too pure to be destroyed so malevolently.

It was five years before Maria found out about my deception, and, when she did, she was livid. I had truly believed she meant to kill me then – and I was honestly relieved that the fight was over… I was ready to die… there was nothing for me to live for in any case. I was glad to have reached the end.

Yet, to my surprise, that was not to be, and I cursed my peculiar talent for giving her reason to keep me alive.

By some fortunate twist of fate, it was that same day that Peter returned, sneaking back into camp, and telling me of a life I had never dreamed possible… a life without the oppressive curtain of constant hatred… a life without ceaseless, senseless carnage.

In five years, he and Charlotte had never had a fight. He assured me that peace was attainable for us, despite everything Maria had conditioned us to believe to the contrary.

In one conversation, I was convinced.

I knew my defection would enrage Maria… she would have rather seen me dead. But I didn't care.

If Peter was right, then perhaps it was possible for me to obtain some modicum of peace— maybe to find some place just to rest. If he was wrong, then if nothing else, surely my defection would be reason enough for Maria to destroy me when or if she ever found me. Either way I had nothing to lose.

I left without a backwards glance, turning my back on the only life I had ever known.

For several years, I wandered with Peter and Charlotte until my depression began to wear on them – until the incessant restlessness compelled me to move on my own.

The peace I craved was still out of reach. My spirit was troubled – unceasingly agitated. I had done everything I knew, but nothing helped. The peace I longed for evaded me.

There was an emptiness inside that wouldn't let me rest. I hadn't the faintest idea what it was that might be missing… I only knew I couldn't stay still.

And so I became a nomad… a man with no home… nothing to my name save the clothes on my back… and a hollow ache in my chest begging to be filled.

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**He may not know what's missing, but we do, don't we? ;-) The next chapter is mostly written, so it shouldn't take me too long to get it ready. (fingers crossed) In the meantime, I'd love to hear your thoughts!**

**Nik**


	2. Chapter 2

**Not going to lie, posting this chapter has me shaking in my boots! Remember what I said in the beginning? Same destination. Different route. That different route comes into play here. I'll be waiting anxiously to see how this is received. **

**Disclaimer: All recognizable characters, themes, and dialogue are the sole property of Stephenie Meyer, and no copyright infringement is intended.**

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**Chapter 2**

**Alice**

Year by achingly long year passed… I never would have dreamed that time could creep by so slowly. I had no other standard to judge it by, though. Maybe it was like this for everyone else all the time. I wouldn't know. And there was no one for me to ask.

After the first time I saw Jasper, I immediately knew I was supposed to find him. I _needed_ to find him. But I didn't know where to even begin to look for him. I didn't know where _I_ was, let alone where to start looking for him.

Before I could do anything, though, the burning in my throat had demanded attention. I hadn't known how to make it stop; I hadn't known what it meant… until a lone man had stumbled into the alley with a bottle in his hands… then my body knew exactly what to do. The wet pulsing sound of his heart had promised relief from the agonizing thirst. I didn't have to think, my body reacted on its own it seemed.

When the man's body lay still and silent in my grasp, after the burn had been somewhat sated, I stood, confused… what had I done? What was I supposed to do with the body now? Other sounds began filtering into my consciousness – none of them could I identify. There was so much noise around me… so many scents assaulting me… what did it all mean?

I was confused.

I was frightened.

I wanted someone to explain to me what was going on.

But there was no one.

I was alone.

I left the man's body laying on the ground and fled into the woods. The night was filled with a loud cacophony of sounds bombarding me on all sides. I raced through the trees, feeling like I was flying – yet everything was so clear around me. I could see everything. Each tiny leaf and twig.

All the sights, the sounds, the smells, the images hurtling through my mind – all of it together – was too much for my senses to take in. Finally, I crouched at the foot of a huge tree and curled myself into a ball, covering my head with my hands, trying to make it all just stop.

To my immense relief, once I was still, the face I most wanted to see flickered into my sight again. Immediately, I was soothed – just like before when I'd been surrounded by the darkness. The jagged edges of my panic faded away for the moment as my sight was wholly focused on him.

He was smiling again – _my_ smile – and his arms were wrapped around me, holding me to his chest. I was sitting on his lap, looking blissfully content.

I wondered how it would feel to have hold me like that… and I wished that he were here to hold me now. I had so many questions that I needed answered, but I didn't know how to get those answers.

As the days passed, the visions of him became more frequent. Sometimes I saw us together, and those visions fueled my desperate desire to find him. I'd never truly "seen" him before, but I already loved him with all my heart. It became increasingly difficult to live without him. I wanted to be _living_ those visions, not just _seeing_ them.

Other times, I would see him as he was in the present. I wasn't certain which visions made the need to find him worse. It was so hard to see him struggling with himself as he did. Yet sometimes between the two, he almost seemed a different person… the one he was with the woman I saw him with – Maria, I learned her name was – and the man I saw when he was with me.

I watched him as he trained the others, teaching them how to fight. I watched as he led them into battle. I'd see the moonlight glinting off his pale features, his expression indecipherable, but determined as he waited for just the right moment to attack. I never saw a hint of fear on his face. To watch him, it was more than obvious that he knew what he was doing – and that he knew he was good at it.

Gradually, visions of others began to come more frequently as well. At first, the visions were predominately of two other males – Carlisle and Edward, they called each other. A few years after I saw them for the first time, a female, Esme, was added to their group. It was through Carlisle's explanation to Esme when she joined their family that I finally knew in full detail what I was. I was like them. I was a vampire. Over the next few years, I watched as Rosalie and then Emmett joined the family.

I was glad to finally have answers to a few of my questions, and the more I saw of this family, the more I knew I loved them. I wanted to be one of them.

The strangest part of watching them was seeing their diet – they didn't drink from humans as I had been doing… they fed from animals. My curiosity more than anything else led me to try it. I didn't like it at first, but as I heard Carlisle explain to each member of the family as they were added, human life was precious and not to be taken lightly. It wasn't ours to choose who was to live and who was to die.

The conscience I hadn't realized I'd had was pricked. I tried harder to feed solely on animals. It wasn't easy, and sometimes I slipped, but that just made me fight harder to be like them. I knew they were going to be my family too someday, and I wanted them to be proud of the effort I'd made.

I had seen how miserable Edward was when he went off on his own for several years, discarding what Carlisle had taught him and feeding from humans. Like my Jasper, he was almost unrecognizable in his depression. I was glad when he realized it wasn't worth it and went back home. And seeing Carlisle and Esme's joy at his return made me smile. It made me want to find them right then and to be loved like that – the way I already loved them.

But before I could do that, I had to find Jasper.

It was incredibly frustrating to see him so clearly and yet have not the first clue where to find him. It was a long time before places and destinations had any meaning to me. And even then, I didn't even know where to start to look for him. And the fact that he rarely came out, and when he did, it was only at night, didn't help my task either.

His connection with Maria confused me. It wasn't anything like what I saw any of the other's relationships look like. They didn't love each other like I saw Carlisle and Esme or Emmett and Rosalie… or like I saw him when he was with me. Sometimes it didn't even seem that they liked each other.

Jasper treated her with an odd sort of deference. He did what she said and didn't argue with her, but it almost seemed like he really didn't care sometimes. He was just indifferent about everything.

And _she_ confused me terribly. I didn't trust her. Most of the time she treated Jasper well… to his face, anyway. I came to believe that she was trying to keep him happy for some reason – but what that reason was, I couldn't quite determine. The looks she shot at his back when he wasn't looking unnerved me. She said one thing to his face, but, when he wasn't around, her attitude was completely different. Sometimes, especially as more time went on, it seemed that she didn't quite trust him… almost like she feared him… just as everyone else did.

I couldn't miss the fear that clouded everyone's features as he walked through the encampments. His battle scars, combined with the restrained ferocity with which he carried himself, made others shrink back in fear. No one came too close to him.

He was dangerous… I knew that much… but never once did I feel a twinge of fear of him. I saw what he kept so secret from everyone else. I saw the despair and the vulnerability that were there no matter how hard he tried to mask them.

I saw _him_… not the façade of invincibility that he wore for everyone else.

As the years went by, that despair worsened by degrees until finally I began to fear for his life. I saw the first time he determined to let himself be killed. I had been walking through the woods, thinking about him, of course, when I saw another approaching battle.

Those battles always made me nervous, no matter how experienced he was. I couldn't stand to see him being attacked on all sides even if he did come through every time. Yet, perversely, I couldn't look away.

This particular time I had been watching his future closely – just as I always did when I knew there was a fight drawing near – when I saw him just stop moving in the heat of battle. His arms fell limply to his sides and his head bowed in defeat. It only took a fraction of a second for his opponents to swarm down on him, overcoming him easily.

I dropped to my knees in horror as I saw them tear his body to pieces , sending the fragments flying in all directions. A scream died in my throat watching my beloved's life come to an end. The vision had been firm which usually meant that the course was definite.

I fought to see where he was now, needing to know that he was still alive. He was at the forefront of the battle line, just as he always was, the immortals behind him shifting restlessly in counterpoint to his outward calm, unshakable demeanor. I was still getting flashes of possible futures… all of them ending with his death.

Fear like I had never felt before ran rampant through my body, causing me to tremble, rocking back and forth on my knees.

_No, no, no… please, Jasper… don't… please don't do this… please…_

I barely heard the whimpers that fell from my lips as I pled with all my heart that he wouldn't give up. I watched, spellbound and terrified, throughout the battle. So many times I saw him decide to give up, but, each time at the very last second, his course changed as his body refused to quit.

Finally, the battle was over, and he walked away in one piece. The breath I hadn't realized I'd been holding released from my lungs in a rush as relief coursed through my body.

He was fine.

I hadn't lost him… this time.

That same pattern continued for almost a year, and each time was more terrifying than the last. I just knew that one day everything I wanted was going to be stolen from me before I had the chance to find him.

My heart broke a little more each day as his depression worsened. It came to the point where the only time he showed any sort of emotion whatsoever was on the battlefield. The rest of the time, his face was an expressionless mask. He only spoke when he had to, and then he only said what was strictly necessary. He spent as much time by himself as he could manage, avoiding everyone that he could. The lifelessness in his eyes frightened me as much as it hurt me. But there wasn't anything I could do… not yet anyway.

It was early spring in 1945 when things finally started to change. I saw a vision one night of a man I recognized from Maria's army speaking in low, quick tones to another man that I had never seen before. They spoke in a language I didn't understand – having only heard it spoken a few times between Maria and Jasper when she was particularly upset. The only thing I recognized in the brief conversation was Jasper's name.

I didn't understand what was happening, but it worried me just the same. I searched through the future, seeing when the man conveyed with obvious glee to Maria whatever he had learned. Her face clouded with rage and several possible futures for Jasper became visible – none of them good.

She called for another one of her guards and, to my growing horror, took the two men and sought out Jasper. She was as yet undecided as to what to do with him. She was vacillating between killing him outright and shaming him enough to remind him of his place.

The three of them cornered him, and the two guards overpowered him before he had a chance to fight back. They pinned his arms behind his back and held him motionless as Maria ranted and raved at him. She had found out that he let Peter and Charlotte go and lied to her about killing them.

Her plans were uncertain, but from what I could see, it didn't appear that she was truly planning to kill him. For reasons that I wasn't certain of, he was valuable enough to her not to want to lose him that easily.

In the end, she chose to just threaten him, leaving him shamed and with the reminder that his life belonged to her. I would have loved the chance to let her know – not very nicely – just how wrong she was. I'd hated that woman before, but never more so than now. She left him there, lying facedown in the dirt, and went back to her quarters without a backwards glance at him.

I watched as he lay there, letting the rain pelt down on his back. His despair was almost a visible cloud around him… just watching him, I could almost feel it overtaking me as well. He finally stood and wandered farther away from the camp – right in the direction Peter was approaching.

I watched the two men meet for the first time in five years. I listened as Peter told him that Maria had lied to them – that there was another way of life possible for them… a life without constant war. And I saw as Jasper walked away, not even bothering to look back. Just like Maria, he had turned his back without even a final glance. And my heart leapt with joy.

He followed them, wandering with them for several years. I had thought perhaps that would make it easier for me to find him, but it didn't really. None of them ever made any solid decisions about where they were going – they just went wherever their feet took them.

Several times I came so close, recognizing the landmarks that I had seen around them, but always a little bit too late.

Even with the change of scenery, Jasper's depression didn't truly lift. After a couple of years, in 1946, he parted from them and went on his own. I knew, as the next couple of years passed, that I was getting closer to him. I was starting to see all the ways our meeting could play out.

Even still, it took two more years before I saw landmarks that I recognized – Philadelphia. He was going to Philadelphia, and it looked like he had decided enough in advance that I actually had enough time to get there before he did.

I was ecstatic. I raced to Pennsylvania, watching closely for any change of plans on his part. With every step, my excitement grew as his arrival there became firmer in my visions. After more than twenty-eight years, it was finally time. I was finally going to see him.

It would be raining. We'd be in a diner. I knew that much. No matter what else was different in the visions, that was the same. I walked through the streets of Philadelphia, grateful for the gray drizzle so that I could walk around freely without fear of being discovered in the sunlight.

When I saw the diner that matched the one in my vision, I had to stop myself from squealing and dancing in the street. This was it! It was almost time! I got a seat in the little diner and waited.

I'd learned over the years how to interact with humans – I paid close attention while watching the Cullens to see how it was done. I dressed in the current fashion… I'd discovered early that I loved pretty things – pretty clothes especially. And dressing well provided a good camouflage. I'd observed enough to be familiar with human manners and customs even though none of them were familiar to me.

Humans were confusing sometimes. I still had so many questions, but whenever one came up, I'd file it away for later. Jasper would know the answer to those questions. I'd ask him.

And so I sat, waiting. I knew people noticed me and wondered what I was doing just sitting there, but I didn't care. Jasper was coming soon.

Trying to keep myself occupied while I waited, I took out my sketchbook. I had almost twenty years of pictures and letters contained in several little books. On one of my first excursions into a human city, I had found a man reading a newspaper in the park. He'd left it sitting there when he left, and I picked it up. The scribbles on the page had meant nothing to me at the time – I couldn't make sense of them, but I was curious. Over time, I taught myself to read, thrilled when the scribbles started making sense.

I was surprised when I saw an empty book one day in a store. Weren't books supposed to have words inside? The lady in the store had explained to me that it was a journal. It was empty so that I could put my thoughts inside. Immediately, I knew what to do with the empty little book.

Years of thoughts and questions I'd had for Jasper had flown from my pen onto the pages. So many of the visions I'd had of us together had almost drawn themselves in the book. All the things I'd wanted to tell him – most important of all, how much I loved him – had been penned inside.

I now had six little books filled with pictures and letters for my beloved. I wanted him to know how much I'd longed for him, and how long I'd needed him. I kept those books with me at all times in a little bag that stayed slung over my shoulder. I didn't carry much else with me – as much as I traveled, it wasn't practical – but those were too precious not to keep.

For a whole week, I sat there waiting for him. I was there when it opened, and I stayed until it closed. With each day, my heart sunk a little more. I knew he was coming, but these last few days had been longer than the last thirty years put together… or at least it had seemed that way.

Thankfully the diner was half-empty today. It made it a little easier to be in the enclosed space. I had grown more used to being around humans over the years, but that didn't mean the burn that came from being in a room full of humans hurt any less. I tapped my fingers impatiently on the table in front of me, the once-steaming cup of coffee sitting in front of me now growing cold.

Surely today had to be the day. It had been a whole week, and there was still no sign of Jasper. I was trying not to be impatient, but it was so hard. Perhaps it was because I knew I was so close to finally seeing him, but I felt like I was going to crawl right out of my skin in anticipation.

Every time the door opened, my eyes flew to the entrance even though I knew it wasn't him. Yet, every time my heart sank to my shoes in disappointment.

I scanned through the future, making sure that I hadn't missed anything. As far as I could see, he was still in Philadelphia. My breath caught in my throat as I saw him walking through the rain. I could see that the buildings he was passing by were the ones on the same street as the little diner.

He was coming.

He was _finally_ coming.

This time when little bell over the door rang, I couldn't contain my wild burst of excitement. He was here! I turned around to see my every dream materialize in front of me. Jasper was there, standing just a few mere feet in front of me.

My eyes raked over his form as he stood in the shadow of the doorway. The visions had never done him justice. As clearly as I'd seen him, as detailed as the visions had been, they were nothing compared to seeing him finally in the flesh.

His blonde curls, dampened by the rain, were just as I'd seen them, yet I had never appreciated just how golden they shone in the light. His eyes, framed by the thick fringe of dark lashes, were nearly black, telling of his thirst.

Everything – from the breadth of his shoulders, to the scars covering every visible inch of him – everything was exactly as I had seen so many times before, but the sight of him standing so real in front of me took my breath away.

I watched as his eyebrows crossed in confusion and his eyes scanned the room. They stopped on me. I couldn't remember my heart beating before, but I was almost certain that, when his gaze came to rest on me, my heart tried to flutter in my chest.

This was really _real_.

Everything else around me faded as I jumped down from the stool I'd been sitting on. I noticed in some corner of my mind the way he tensed when I moved toward him, but it only barely registered. My mind was clouded by his scent.

That was the one thing I'd not been able to imagine before now. I couldn't entirely place all the elements that made up the fragrance that was unique to him. There was something spicy like cinnamon, a hint of sandalwood, perhaps, and something musky and masculine that was just _Jasper_.

It was comforting. It was right. He smelled like… home.

His body was tense, his face confused, as I stopped directly in front of him, but he didn't move. His eyes studied me with wary intensity.

My mind scrambled for coherent thought, drugged by his heady scent and by his long-awaited presence. I said the first thing that popped into my mind.

"You've kept me waiting a long time."

He ducked his head in response, and I smiled even wider at the endearing gesture. "I'm sorry, ma'am." The drawl in his words, though I'd heard it innumerable times before nearly made me melt into a puddle at his feet.

On some level, I was aware that we were drawing attention from the humans in the room. Wanting to be away from prying eyes, I held out my hand, beseeching him with my eyes to take it.

He did.

His hand slid into mine. No matter how many times I'd imagined how it would feel to touch him, no matter how many times I'd ached and longed for it, I'd never even come close to imagining the current that flowed from where my hand touched his. I thought my heart would burst right out of my chest from the love overflowing its bounds now.

"Come with me," I said, squeezing his hand and leading him from the diner, back into the rain. I wanted to dance as he followed me without question. Everything I'd dreamed about all of my life was finally coming true.

After all this time, my dreams were becoming reality.

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**Jasper**

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I was stunned.

I had been walking through the rain, out during the daylight for a change. Showing myself outside the cover of darkness was still something I wasn't fully comfortable with. I had ducked into a rundown, dingy little diner to wait out the storm, and had been met with the single most enchanting creature I had encountered in all of my existence.

She was sitting on a barstool, looking for all the world like she knew I was coming. Her eyes, an odd golden hue, had brightened with unmistakable joy when I entered. I was confused by the multitude of emotions she radiated… there was an overwhelming joy, a kind of awe and wonder, almost a disbelief.

But the most prominent emotion by far was something I couldn't quite put a name to… I'd never felt anything like it before. It reminded me of what I felt from Peter every time he looked at his mate, but even that didn't seem a fair comparison. This was something far more intense.

It left me feeling as if I had been gazing into the sun with weak human eyes. I was left dazed.

My body had braced instinctively for an attack as she'd come closer… that was the only explanation my past had allowed. But there was no sign of aggression in her stance or her emotions.

When she spoke, her lilting bell-like voice had captivated me. I'd never heard anything more beautiful. And her smile… it lit up her whole face, shining like a brilliant light… brighter even than the sun.

When she'd held out her hand, I'd taken it without a second thought. It seemed the most natural thing in the world to place my palm against hers, feeling her slender fingers wind through mine.

It had been so long since I'd allowed anyone to come that close… since I'd allowed physical contact in any form. I'd nearly jerked away at the sparks that seemed to shoot straight to my silent heart when our skin met. But I hadn't. The warmth of her little hand in mine felt so… _right_. That simple gesture made me feel something I hadn't experienced in nearly a century… something I'd nearly forgotten even existed – it felt like… _hope_.

As we walked back into the rain, I studied the woman clinging to my hand, smiling like she'd suddenly been handed a priceless treasure.

She was so small, so delicate looking. Like Charlotte, the top of her head barely reached the center of my chest. Her tiny hand, curled so trustingly against my palm, was dwarfed in mine. Her hair was black as midnight, pulled sleekly back from her face, and pinned in little curls under her hat.

Her eyes confounded me. I knew without a doubt that she was an immortal, but I'd never in all my years encountered one with eyes that strange color. They resembled a rich butterscotch – warm and inviting.

Her features were delicate, elfin almost. She had a pert little nose, just slightly turned up at the tip. Her lips were full and pink, stretched over her dazzlingly white teeth in a wide, happy grin. Everything about her was absolutely breathtaking.

Something about her felt familiar even though I'd never seen her before in my life. I had the strangest feeling that I'd been waiting for her… that I'd been missing her. But that was impossible… wasn't it?

Slivers of uncertainty began twining like sneaky vines through my thoughts. Who was this mesmerizing little creature? What was it about her that bewitched me so completely? Where had she come from?

And how had she known exactly where to find me?

With a start, her first words to me came shimmering back into my consciousness… _you've kept me waiting_, she'd said.

Those slivers became full-blown suspicions as my body jerked to a sudden halt.

I recalled in graphic detail the last time I'd ignored my instincts for the sake of a beautiful woman. The memory of Maria's face as she bent towards my neck with her venom-coated teeth filtered in… _I have a good feeling about you, Jasper. I truly hope you survive_. Her mocking face and the searing agony that had followed were stored in my memory in flawless detail.

I _had_ survived in a way, though many times, I had wished that death had claimed me instead on that night I'd been ushered into hell.

My eyes had been opened to Maria's true nature at a dreadful price. I had ignored the instincts that told me to run… too enamored by her beauty. Too late, I had realized that there was _nothing_ beautiful about her. Her outer beauty was a trap… concealing her blackened serpent's heart.

And now it had happened once more.

Again, I had let my judgment be silenced by a captivating woman. How very like Maria to give me enough time to let my guard down, and send someone after me… this bewitching little woman clasping my hand knew far too much about me for this to be a chance encounter. It would appear that history was repeating itself, but I was aware of the danger this time… I wasn't going down again without a fight.

When my steps came to a standstill, the little enchantress looked up at me with confusion in her deep golden gaze. "Jasper?" she questioned in a small, uncertain voice, "Are you all right?"

My body locked down, my muscles freezing in place…

She knew my name.

This was no coincidence.

This had been planned.

It was a trap… and like a lamb to the slaughter, I'd walked right into it.

My senses jumped to life, flying to high alert, and my whole body readied itself for a fight. I tightened my grip on the beautiful traitor beside me and jerked her roughly into the woods in the opposite direction from where she had been leading me. I didn't sense anyone else in the trees as I ran, towing her behind me, but that meant nothing.

"Jasper, what's going on?" Her voice was tremulous, but she didn't try to pull away from me as I led her deeper into the cover of the trees.

I ran for miles, and, not encountering anyone, I finally jerked to a stop, slinging the little traitor against a tree. Pinning both of her hands above her head, I allowed her no room to move, completely blocking her way of escape.

A small scream passed her lips as she found herself trapped. Her bewildered eyes met mine, "What is it? What's going on?" she asked once again, her confusion painted on her face.

"That's an excellent question, little one. Why don't you tell me?" I sneered in a harsh voice.

"Wha – what are you talking about?"

"You know exactly what I'm talking about." I barked at her almost- convincing bewildered expression. "How did you know my name? And better yet, how did you know where to find me?" I demanded.

"It's a long story," she said quietly, fear beginning to take root in her emotions.

"I have time," I glared down at her.

Disbelief clouded her eyes, and she shut them tightly like she was trying hard to concentrate. When she spoke next, her voice was pained. "You aren't going to believe me."

"Try me." Her reluctance to tell me was only arousing my suspicions further. Her lower lip trembled, and she said nothing. "No? Then let's start with something a little easier, shall we? Why don't you tell me your name?" We both knew it wasn't really a question.

"Alice," she said with a hint of uncertainty in her voice.

"Well, _Alice_," I spat her name, "why don't you just make this easy for both of us. Stop playing games, and just tell me who sent you."

"No one," her eyes darted to mine in surprise that seemed genuine. "No one sent me."

"Are you alone?"

"Yes," she nodded. "It's true!" She insisted when I shot her a skeptical look. Her eyes were so sincere, I almost wanted to believe her. Almost. But I hardened my heart knowing that could only mean she was an exceptionally good liar. There was no way she knew where to find me without being sent by someone who wanted me dead.

"Where did you come from?"

"I'm not entirely sure," she hesitated. "Somewhere in Mississippi, I think." From the South… just what I had figured. I thought it strange that she wouldn't try to deny that, though.

"You _think_? You don't know for sure?"

She shook her head. I sighed, quickly becoming irritated with her non-answers. They weren't doing anything to help her cause.

"Who created you, then?" Maybe that would give me some insight to why she was here.

"I don't know!" She wailed, growing frustrated. "Jasper, you have to believe me!"

"Why should I? You swear you came alone, that no one sent you. You won't tell me how you knew where to find me, and yet you know my name. How is that exactly, little Alice?" My voice was contemptuous and mocking. "The evidence is adding up, and it's not in your favor."

Her body began trembling. "You're not going to believe me…" she whispered in a broken voice, speaking almost to herself, it seemed. "You're really not going to believe me. I don't understand," she whimpered, sounding confused. I could feel it as her heart seemed to break into little pieces as she continued. "This isn't what I saw… it wasn't supposed to happen like this." Her eyes glistened, and her body trembled as emotions warred in her tiny frame.

Twinges of conscience began pricking me, seeing the fragile-looking woman in front of me falling apart. But just as my heart had long ago been sacrificed on the altar of war, my conscience had been seared and silenced years ago. It was all too easy to tune its annoying voice out now.

Her body would have buckled to the ground if my hands hadn't held her in place, still pinning her to the tree behind her. "I saw you," she whispered almost inaudibly, finally answering my question. My eyes narrowed in suspicion.

She sighed deeply, and the sound was strangely defeated. "I see the future, Jasper. In visions. You were the first one I saw before I woke up. And I've been looking for you ever since. No one sent me. No one knows I'm here."

I stared at her for a long moment, going back to just one of the things she said that didn't make sense. "What do you mean, _woke up_?"

"Just that. I don't remember anything before seeing your face. I woke up in a dark alley, and you weren't there, and somehow I knew I was supposed to find you. I didn't know who or where I was… or even what I was… but I knew that."

"You don't remember the pain?" I asked harshly.

She shook her head. "There was no pain. There was only you."

I gaped at her ridiculous statement. There was no possible way that she couldn't remember that kind of agony. She had to be lying about that just as she was about everything else. "Touching." I sneered after a moment, "Now why don't we try the truth this time."

"That _is_ the truth," she said, desperation heavy in her tone. "I know you don't believe me, but I swear everything I told you is true."

There was no hint of deception in her voice, but that only made me more wary of her.

I had encountered others with gifts before, but, never in my century of existence, had I even heard of one with that particular talent – much less encountered one. As far as I could see, there was no possible way for her story to be true – it was impossible for her to have "seen" me as she claimed she had.

There was only one explanation in my mind that made sense. She had to have been sent by someone who wanted me dead. If she had been sent as bait to trap me and lead me into an ambush, it had very nearly worked flawlessly.

And if she truly was alone as she claimed, then it would be easy enough to keep her from carrying tales to anyone about where to find me. Trapped as she was, it would be all too easy to silence her in the most permanent way possible. She was completely at my mercy… and mercy wasn't a concept I was familiar with. I knew what I had to do.

Her eyes widened and filled with incredulity and devastation as I made my decision, almost like she knew what I was going to do. But she didn't look away. Her eyes stayed locked on mine… like she was searching avidly for something inside. Her gaze was strangely disconcerting. It was almost as if she could see all the way through me… like she _knew_ me.

She didn't fight me… she didn't try to get away. That only made my task easier.

Closing my heart to the part of my mind shouting in protest, I tightened the hand that held her prisoner, gripping her almost tight enough to crush her tiny wrist bones. With the other hand, I forced her head to the side, baring her neck… one of the most vulnerable parts of our bodies… yet she still made no move to struggle against my hold.

The emotions roiling through her made no sense to me. She wasn't afraid. She seemed to know that her life was about to end, yet she felt no fear. What she did feel confounded me – sadness, grief, disbelief, and most baffling of all… that same overwhelming _love_ that I'd sensed from her in the diner. The strange cocktail of her emotions was one I was entirely unfamiliar with.

Her body went limp in resignation, though her silently pleading eyes still held mine, boring all the way into the deepest recesses of my heart… and somehow finding the very last shred of humanity left in my body.

With one twist, I could sever her neck. My hand could easily wrap around her skull, crushing it. It would take mere seconds to end her life altogether…

But, looking into her eyes, seeing her heart laid bare and vulnerable there, I couldn't make myself do it.

I knew I should, but for reasons not explicable even to myself, I just… _couldn't_.

There was such an innocence about her. There was an air of truth to what she said, even though I knew that wasn't possible. She had to be a spy – no other explanation made sense – but I just couldn't kill her.

I might be made to regret that later, but for now, the fight drained from my body. My muscles uncoiled one by one. Feeling strangely spent, I released her hands and took a step back. She stumbled forward, landing on her knees with a strangled sob.

Ignoring the deeply ingrained instincts, I did one of the most ignorant, irresponsible things a soldier can do. I turned my back on her downtrodden form and fled into the woods, leaving her where she had fallen.

I couldn't understand it, but as my steps carried me away from her, her sobs still echoing in my ears, I felt that I had left part of myself there lying on the forest floor.

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**OoOoOoOo**

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**Ummm… yeah… told you this wasn't something you usually see for them! I think I'll be going into hiding now! The next chapter's all but done. I'll have it up soon… hopefully you'll stick with me after this! I'll make it up to you later… promise! **

**I'm curious to see what kind of reaction this gets, but please be gentle! LOL Hope you all have a good upcoming weekend! :-)**

**Nik**


	3. Chapter 3

**Wow! The response to the last chapter absolutely blew my mind! I honestly expected to have to really work to defend my position… not so. Between and FFFW, you were all totally supportive… no convincing on my part necessary. Thank you so much for that!**

**That being said, I have no intentions of dragging this process out too much. You're going to see a little bit of progress with each new chapter… I love Jalice too much to leave them hanging in the balance for too long! ;-)**

**Enough from me for now… enjoy the chapter!**

**Disclaimer: All recognizable characters, themes, and dialogue are the sole property of Stephenie Meyer and no copyright infringement is intended.**

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**OoOoOoOoOo**

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**Chapter 3**

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**Alice**

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When Jasper let go of my hands, I crumpled to the ground, my legs unable to support me any longer. I was crushed. My heart felt like it had been shattered into a million tiny pieces scattered on the ground. As he turned and walked away, my world came crumbling down around me – the future I'd been so certain of had vanished completely. Everything I'd lived for had been turned to dust in a moment.

He hadn't believed me.

And what's more… he'd been planning to kill me.

I'd seen it. I'd seen the hands I'd only ever envisioned loving me tearing my body to pieces and lighting those pieces on fire. I hadn't wanted to believe it could be true, but the vision had been absolutely clear. Even now, I didn't have a clue what had changed his mind – what had made him decide to leave me alive.

I felt like everything I'd ever wanted had been placed right in the palm of my hand only to be snatched cruelly away in the next moment. What was I supposed to do now? My body curled further towards the dirt as I buried my face in my hands, giving in to the heaving sobs gripping my chest.

_Did you really think it would be that easy?_ A quiet voice in my mind questioned.

_After everything he's been through, you know he doesn't trust anyone. He's been given every reason _not_ to. Why should he immediately trust you… a stranger to him._

I should have known better. I should have known it wouldn't be as easy as I'd dreamed. I'd imagined that he would take one look at me and feel for me what I had always felt for him. How naïve I'd been. I saw that now.

_How much do you love him?_ That voice of reason questioned again.

Enough to search for him for nearly thirty years.

_But do you love him enough to fight for him? Even if he never wants you the way you want him? What if he never changes his mind… what then?_

The thought was like knives piercing my already broken heart.

The future had become all muddled… I couldn't see anything clearly anymore. What if I was wrong? What if he could never love me? Did I love him enough to fight for him if that was the case?

For a moment, I contemplated leaving now as he obviously expected me to – going on with my life without him. I could go find the Cullens… I could try to make a life for myself there with them… no… I knew that would never work. My life was with _him_… whether he wanted me or not. It always had been.

There was only one path possible for me to take.

Taking several deep breaths to steel myself for the fight I knew was coming, I rose, dusting the dirt from my knees, and pursued the trail his scent had left behind. Even after such a short time in his presence, I knew his scent would be ingrained in my memory forever… I would recognize it absolutely anywhere.

I ran as quickly as my feet could carry me. I'd waited so long for Jasper, I couldn't just let him go that easily. I'd seen how it could be for us, and that wasn't a dream I was willing to let die. Whether he wanted me or not – whether he believed me or not – I loved him with my life… and now I had to prove it to him.

It didn't take me long to catch up to him. He wasn't running with his full strength, which I thought was odd. He'd obviously thought that someone was with me – someone pursuing him with the intent to harm him.

When he sensed me closing in, though, he spun around on his heels, his eyes blazing. "What the hell do you think you're doing?" he hissed with teeth clenched. There was venom in his voice and seething in his eyes as he glared at me. My heart lurched painfully in my chest again. I'd never imagined that tone directed at me. But still I stood my ground, looking right into his fearsome eyes.

"Jasper, I know you don't have any reason to trust me. And I know what I'm telling you sounds impossible. But it _is_ the truth. I've spent my whole life waiting for you, and I can't just let you go now that I've finally found you."

His eyes sized me up, looking me up and down coldly. "Well, I'm afraid you've wasted your time, little one." His voice was like the sound of splintering ice. "I don't want you."

I winced at his declaration. A physical blow would have hurt far less than that. "Jasper, please – "

"Go back to wherever you came from."

I hadn't thought it was possible for my heart to break anymore, but as he turned to leave again, I found myself proven wrong. I breathed deeply several times, trying to quell the crushing pain his words caused.

"All I'm asking is a chance to change your mind." I said weakly with his back turned to me once again.

"No." He said simply, not bothering to turn around, and started walking away.

Ignoring the throbbing in my chest, I gathered up the broken pieces of my heart and followed him.

He ignored me for several miles, not giving any indication that he was aware that I was there. Finally, he whirled around with fire blazing in his eyes. "What part of _I don't want you_ did you not understand?"

I flinched but didn't run as the ire in his voice suggested I should. "What part of _I'm not giving up on you_ do you not understand?" I questioned back, sounding far braver than I felt.

We stared each other down for long moments before he finally stepped back. "You have no idea what you're getting into," he said in a low, threatening voice.

"I'll take my chances." I said, not backing down from his gaze.

"Well, I hope you can keep up then." He said spinning back around on his heel. His legs were longer than mine, but he hadn't fed in a while making our strength even out just a little bit more.

We ran for miles. He never acknowledged me. He never once looked towards me. He was trying to intimidate me – to make me want to leave. But I wasn't going to let him.

The sun set… and then rose the next morning.

He never slowed. He never so much as turned his face in my direction.

Another day passed… another long night.

Finally he turned to me as darkness fell on the third night and our steps brought us to the outskirts of a small town.

"I have to hunt," he said coldly.

"I'll wait here," I said in a mere whisper. I didn't dare trust myself to go with him. My control wasn't that certain.

He raised one eyebrow skeptically.

"I don't drink human blood," I told him before he could ask.

"Then how do you survive?" He asked, and the tone of his voice suggested I was insane.

"Animal blood doesn't taste quite the same, but it serves the same purpose. It keeps me strong."

He scoffed and then walked away without another word. I waited… watching for him to come back, but at the same time, trying not to see him feed. My throat was flaming at just the thought, and I didn't want to tempt myself quite that much.

It would have been wise to hunt as well while he did – it had been about a week and a half since I had last fed – but I didn't want to go too far. I was afraid he would try to leave me behind. Nothing in the future was certain right now.

To my surprise, he didn't try to evade me while he was in town. He came back the same way he had gone in. When he returned, his eyes were a glaring crimson in the night, but that wasn't the most obvious change. The wall around him had clearly been redoubled and fortified. His face was drawn in a tight scowl. His eyes were hard… and completely emotionless. He looked ten times more forbidding than he had before.

I knew how his depression always seemed worse after he'd fed. I'd seen that pattern many times. It hurt me not to be able to help, though. I could see that now wasn't the time for me to say anything about it, though. He would be anything but receptive to me at the moment.

And so our pattern continued for days afterwards – constant motion, and never a word spoken. He pointedly ignored me, trying to run me off, I assumed. I was more stubborn than that, though. Eventually he'd realize that I wasn't going anywhere.

As days passed, and it was fast approaching three weeks since I'd fed, I felt my body growing weak. It was getting harder and harder to keep up with his punishing pace, yet I didn't want to say anything. I just kept pushing myself to go farther.

A week after his own hunting trip, he finally acknowledged me. "You're lagging behind." He pointed out abruptly.

"I'm trying to keep up," I said.

He sighed in blatant frustration, running a hand through his wind-blown hair. "Your eyes are pitch black. Go hunt… or whatever it is you do." There was no room for argument in his tone, but I tried anyway.

"I'm fine." I lied.

"I have no intentions of standing here and arguing with you." He crossed his arms over his chest. "Go."

I bit my lip, debating on whether to ask the question I couldn't see an answer to. He was growing impatient the longer I just stood there.

"Well?" His annoyance was obvious.

I opted to swallow what little pride I had left and speak the truth. "I'm afraid that you won't be here when I get back. That I won't be able to find you again." I said in a small voice.

He rolled his eyes, scrubbing a hand over his face. "Oh, for the love of – " he heaved a sigh. Catching and holding my gaze deliberately with his, he folded his legs beneath him, sitting cross-legged on the ground. "You have one hour. I won't move during that period of time."

I scanned through the future, determining if he was telling the truth… to my great relief, I saw no evidence of him breaking his word.

"One hour," I repeated to him. "I'll be back."

And with that, I sped through the forest, catching the scent of my prey as quickly as possible. Three deer and forty minutes later, I turned back around and raced to where I had left Jasper. He was sitting motionless in exactly the same position as before.

A smile broke over my face seeing him there.

He had waited for me.

My joy at seeing him seemed to take him off guard. "That was quicker than I expected." He said, standing.

"Thank you," I beamed at him.

"For what?" His forehead creased in confusion.

"For waiting."

He shrugged. "You would have come looking for me again anyway. I just saved us both some effort."

I giggled, feeling light from the combined effects of the fresh blood in my system and the fact that he hadn't run away from me when he knew I'd be preoccupied. It was quite a far cry from the fervent profession of love that I had dreamed of, but, if nothing else, it was a step in the right direction. I hoped.

"Now who's seeing the future?"

He snorted in response, but the sound wasn't quite as harsh as before. I fell into step beside him again, daring to hope that maybe, just maybe, we might at least be finding the road to progress.

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**Jasper**

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I was behaving monstrously.

I knew that. But I wasn't quite sure how to change it.

I had not the faintest idea what to make of this persistent little woman at my side. It had been more than a month now since she had found me. Only a handful of words had been passed between us, but that still didn't deter her. I barely acknowledged her, but she showed no signs of giving up.

One thing I knew, she posed more of a threat to me than Maria ever had.

Maria had only ever cared about me as a soldier. She had no interest in me as an individual. Our relationship had about using each other in whatever means provided the most benefit to ourselves… she used me for my particular talent with the newborns, and I used her for herd lands to slake my thirst.

I had walked away from her without a second glance, and I had absolutely no regrets for that. There were no lingering fond feelings for her whatsoever. In fact, I would be perfectly content never to see her again.

The little sprite keeping pace with me now posed a different kind of threat altogether. With her wide eyes, almost childlike in their innocence, and her brilliant, eager smile, she was steadily chipping away at the barrier around my heart. I was drawn to her in a way that I couldn't explain.

She made me want to _feel _again.

I hadn't let myself truly feel anything in many, many years – it was simply safer for me that way. I had quite effectively kept everyone away. But this one woman threatened that. She made me want to open myself up – to let her in. And that, quite frankly, scared the living hell out of me. I reacted the only way I knew how – in self defense… constantly pushing her away.

So many times I caught her gazing at me as we walked. There was an intense longing there, but conversely, there was a strange sense of contentment as well. Out of my peripheral awareness, I would see her hand inching for mine, but then she would slip it back to her side with a sense of disappointment. It would almost seem that she _wanted_ to touch me – and yet there was no aggression to be found in her. I couldn't make sense of it.

She was an enigma to me… a breathtakingly beautiful mystery.

Our wanderings had led us up to the coast of Maine. There was no rhyme or reason to my steps – no destination in mind – I just walked.

Evening was approaching along the deserted shoreline. As always, Alice kept pace at my side, occasionally trying to make conversation, but falling quiet when I made no response.

Her sudden intake of breath beside me, caught me by surprise. I turned to look at her in curiosity, but her eyes were glued to the western sky.

"Jasper, look," she breathed in wonder. I looked to see what had her so spellbound. The sky was painted in brilliant hues as the sun sank closer to the horizon. Wisps of clouds were tinted the most vivid colors imaginable.

"Could we stop here for a few minutes? Please?" Alice looked up at me hopefully.

"Why not," I said tersely, shrugging my shoulders. She didn't seem to notice my brusque tone, she was too enraptured watching the setting sun.

It had been almost a century since I had been cognizant of any kind of beauty around me. Anything that might have held any beauty had been overshadowed by the gruesome carnage of war. War's inescapable destruction left absolutely nothing in its path untouched. That had been my sole focus for more than eight decades… and I hadn't realized what I'd missed in all that time… not until this one tiny woman had danced into my life, doing her damnedest to remind me.

Her innocent wonder as she watched the sunset bled over into me… it was… _pleasant_. And any pleasurable emotions had been foreign to me for longer than I cared to recall.

"Come with me," I said quietly, without stopping to consider it first. She nodded and followed me without question, letting me lead her along the shoreline, up the rocky cliffs to a better vantage point. I couldn't say for sure why I made the effort, but her simple joy warmed places inside me that had been dead for long years. I couldn't explain it even to myself, but I wanted to hold onto that inner warmth for just a little while longer.

Lavender, fuchsia, sapphire and gold shimmered in the water, mirroring the colors of the setting sun. Alice was captivated by the rich colors of the sunset reflected from the still waters below.

And I was captivated by her.

I watched the sunset reflected in her eyes… and it was the most beautiful sight I'd ever seen… almost more beauty than I could bear.

Her eyes, more golden than the sky, were wide, transfixed by the heavenly splendor. The sense of awe and amazement she felt as she watched the play of colors seeped into the very marrow of my bones. Just as it had when she'd taken my hand in the diner more than a month ago, hope rose up in my chest – though even now I wasn't entirely sure what exactly it was that I hoped for.

Alice was quickly worming her way past my defenses. I wasn't certain how much longer I could hold her off – and I was fast losing sight of why I should.

Gradually the sunset faded and stars came out to twinkle in the darkening sky. Alice turned to me with the remnant of her smile still sparkling in her eyes.

"Thank you," she whispered reverently. "That was beautiful."

"Yes," I agreed softly. "It was." She couldn't know I wasn't referring to the sunset.

"I'd never seen the sunset over the water like that," she told me. "The water was just like a mirror wasn't it? I had no idea the ocean was that _big_," she said almost without a breath. "It's all you can see no matter how hard you look."

"You've never seen the ocean before?"

Alice shook her head, "No. At least, not that I can remember." A flicker of uncertainty passed over her features, dimming the brightness of her smile.

"Would you like to stay and see if the sunrise is as colorful as the sunset was?" I asked, cocking my head.

Her eyes shot up with poorly concealed excitement. "Could we?"

I shrugged. "Do you have anywhere pressing that you need to be?"

"No," she giggled, and I found to my surprise that I liked the sound of her girlish, carefree laugh. "Nowhere at all. I'd like that, Jasper. Thank you."

I sat down, settling against one of the trees on the edge of the cliff face. Alice sat down beside me, a little closer than she'd been before. Her head tilted back, looking at the stars.

"Alice," I spoke without contemplating first. She looked at me in surprise, and I realized that this was the first time I'd spoken to her without prompting and simply for conversation's sake. It was also the first time I'd used her name since our first, disastrous conversation.

"Yes?"

"You said before you don't remember your transformation. What _do_ you remember?" I asked, genuinely curious to unravel a little of the mystery she presented.

"I don't remember anything of being human," she said quietly, picking at a strand of grass and toying absently with it. "Not even the faintest glimmer. I don't remember who I was. I don't remember who changed me, and I don't have even the slightest clue why they would have in the first place. I don't remember anything before seeing you… and then you were gone and I woke up. And I was alone."

"You really don't remember the pain?" I asked incredulous. That was by far my most vivid human memory.

She shook her head. "No."

I had so many questions swirling in my mind, but I didn't even know where to start – or even if she would answer. I hadn't exactly been – _nice_ – the last time she'd tried to give me answers.

Alice smiled as if she could see the battle being waged internally. "You can ask me whatever you'd like. I'll answer the best I can."

"You say that you see the future. How does that work? What do you see?"

She picked up another blade of grass when her finger had torn the first into tiny pieces, "It's not a concrete thing. The future's always changing… it's always in motion. And when people change their minds – make even the smallest decisions – their future changes with it. I see the path they're on while they're on it. The more resolute their decision, the clearer the vision is."

"Do you just see just anyone's future? People you don't even know?"

She smiled again, "Not all the time. Usually I'm more attuned to certain people. You, for instance. You've always been especially clear to me." Alice's voice became wistful as she spoke of me. She gnawed on her lower lip, bringing her knees up and wrapping her arms around them. There was a longing I felt from her once again – a longing I couldn't quite make sense of.

"There are others too," she continued. "There's a family of vampires who live like I do – feeding on animals. Vegetarians they call themselves. I see them often as well."

"A family?" I questioned thrown off by the use of the unfamiliar word. "Don't you mean a coven?"

"No," she said assuredly, "they're not a coven. They live and interact as a family with a father and mother-figure and the three others they've adopted as their children."

"Is that why you feed as you do? Because of what you saw them doing?"

"Yes, partly." She hesitated again, thinking. "I started out hunting humans, of course. I didn't know to resist the first time I smelled blood; I just acted on instinct. But as time went on, I didn't like the way it made me feel when I took someone's life away. I felt kind of… dirty, I guess. It didn't seem right for me to take someone's life just to sustain my own."

Strangely I wasn't angered by her words even though they struck so close to home. I'd felt the same way many, many times in the past.

"That's our nature, Alice. It's not something we can help."

"I know that, but we do have a choice. It's not for everyone, of course, but there is another option besides the obvious."

"Is that what you expect of me?" I asked, looking right into her eyes, fighting not to notice just how _deep_ the pools of her irises were. I could drown in those eyes if I didn't watch myself.

A strange look came over her face… something I couldn't identify. "I've seen you like that in my visions before, so I believe it's a possibility. But do I _expect_ it? No. I didn't come to change you, Jasper. I just wanted to be with you."

"Why?" I questioned in a low voice. "I can't fathom why you would want that – why you would have actively searched for me. You say that you saw me? Then you must have seen even a fraction of the things I've done… of what my past entails. And even now, do you realize that this is the first real conversation we've ever had. I don't understand, Alice. After all that, why would you want to be with me?"

Alice looked at me then, her heart laid naked and vulnerable in her eyes. "Because I love you, Jasper," she said fervently, her voice almost caressing my name. "I've _always_ loved you."

I'd known that on some level already. I'd felt it from her time and time again. But hearing it spoken aloud very nearly made me come undone.

"You shouldn't." I said, belying the emotions, so long suppressed, now fighting to the surface.

"But I do. And it's not something I'd choose to change, even if I could." There was a long silence between us as we both processed the night's revelations.

"Could I ask you a few questions now?" Alice asked hesitantly a long while later.

"If you'd like," I said, glancing at her. "I suppose I owe you."

She smiled and gnawed on her lip, thinking. "When were you changed?"

"In 1863, during the Second War for Independence."

"Were you a soldier then, too?" Her brow crossed in concern.

"Yes."

"Is that why the others called you Major?"

I looked at her in surprise. How could she have known that? Then I remembered her particular gift. It was odd, to say the least, to think about anyone seeing so much of my past when I'd had no idea they'd even existed. But little by little, her gift was becoming something I couldn't deny.

"It is. I was a Major in the Confederate army."

"How old were you?" Concern was written on her face again… concern that I didn't understand.

"When I joined the army or when I was changed?"

"Both."

"I was almost seventeen when I enlisted. Nineteen when I was changed."

"You were so young to see so much," her voice was soft, pained almost.

"I was a soldier. That was what I did." I shrugged as if it was of no consequence.

"I know, but still. It hurts me to think of you like that," she said almost without realizing she spoke aloud.

"Then don't," I snapped. Her obvious concern for me touched more deeply than I wanted it to. That alone frightened me, so I did the only thing I new to do – hiding behind my walls again.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset you. I just don't like to think about you being hurt." Her sincere remorse was like pins pricking into my flesh. She was apologizing for caring… because I made her feel like that was a bad thing.

I shrugged, feeling that I should apologize too. That wasn't something I had much practice with, though. Thankfully, she didn't wait for me to. She changed the subject, choosing to stay with lighter subjects the rest of the night.

She asked me a few more questions, and then carried much of the conversation herself when my answers remained brief. Against my will, I found myself enjoying just the sound of her voice. It had a musical quality to it, bright and clear, like little bells. To my surprise, I realized I could listen to her talk for days and not grow tired of it.

She shifted several times through the night, making it look like she was just changing her position, but, every time, she moved just a little bit closer to me. That same longing that I'd noticed so many times in the past was back and even stronger than before. By the time the sun rose that next morning, she was sitting mere inches from my side. And I was surprised to realize that I'd let her get this close.

When the sky began lightening with the colors of the dawn, she shifted again slightly. Her little hand crept closer to mine, slowly, cautiously, like she was waiting for me to draw away. Against my better judgment, I didn't. Her fingers covered mine lightly, not applying any pressure, just gently caressing.

I stiffened at the unfamiliar touch, my mind having been conditioned for so many years to think of our bodies as weapons. She stilled her hand, biting her lip again, and I knew she was waiting for my rebuff. The tentative joy she'd felt had been replaced with crushing disappointment. I was affected far more than I should have been the downward spiral of her emotions.

She waited for me to move, but I didn't. I didn't encourage her touch, but I didn't pull away either.

I wasn't prepared for the blinding sense of joy she felt when I didn't withdraw from her. Her fingers fell through the spaces between mine naturally, her thumb rubbing slow, gentle circles on the side of my hand.

The warmth of her touch was strangely soothing to me. I had been inured to the destructive nature of our bodies during my time as a soldier. Our immortal hands were used to crush, to break, and to kill. Gentleness was a forgotten concept… until now.

The touch of her skin on mine caused me to feel the depth of her love for me that much stronger. It was more obvious to me now than ever before… and yet I understood it even less. Her profile beside me was angelic. Peace and contentment were written on her perfect features.

I glanced down at our connected hands. Her skin was flawless, entirely unblemished, and that only made my flaws stand out in stronger contrast. The hundreds of overlapping scars on that one hand alone stood in stark dissimilarity to her innocent, unmarked skin.

Purity against corruption.

Innocence against iniquity.

Light against darkness.

It was almost more than I could bear. Slowly, almost reluctant to lose the painful pleasure of her touch, I disengaged my hand from hers and stood. She looked up at me, not seeming at all surprised by my withdrawal.

"It's time to go, isn't it?" She asked regretfully.

"Yes."

"All right." She nodded and stood, brushing away the dirt clinging to her dress. She looked up at me, not even trying to mask the tenderness of the love shining in her eyes. "Thank you."

"There's nothing to thank me for." I said abruptly, trying to rebuild the portions of my defenses that she'd managed to penetrate… a feat that was growing a little harder for me to accomplish with every day spent in her presence.

"Yes. There is." The bright liquid gold of her gaze somehow managed to see right through me… right past those defenses straight to my heart.

I shrugged and turned to leave, knowing she would be right beside me. As we walked back into the cover of the trees, her hand slipped into mine once again, fitting like it was made to be there.

I didn't have the heart to pull away again. But by this point, I wasn't wholly certain whether it was for her sake… or mine.

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**OoOoOoOoOo**

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**Thanks for reading! Please take a second and let me know what you thought… hearing from you is a large part of the fun for me. :-)**

**Nik**


	4. Chapter 4

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**Hello, again! We've got a good bit of ground to cover in this chapter, but I've got a couple of things for you real quick…**

**First off, **_**Journey Through the Flames**_** has been nominated on two different awards sites. If you read and enjoyed Journey, I'd love to have your vote! I have the links on my profile page should you be so inclined! :-)**

**And the second thing… it caused a little confusion when I stated Jasper's age in the last chapter. I want to take a sec and let you know why I deviated there. We know from Eclipse, that he was almost 17 when he enlisted in 1861, telling them he was 20. The Battle of Galveston took place in January 1863, and this was supposedly when he was changed. Unless I'm missing something (or my math is totally whacked) he can't have aged four years in two. I know it's generally accepted that Jasper is 20, but I'm not sure where that number actually comes from. If you see something that I'm missing in this equation, please let me know!**

**I hope you enjoy the chapter… this one was difficult for me for whatever reason. I'm a little anxious to get some feedback on it. OK I'll hush now! ;-)**

**All usual disclaimers apply.**

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**Chapter 4  
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Alice**

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Over the next couple of months, things between us fell into somewhat of a routine. Jasper was constantly moving. It was unusual for him to stop for very long at a time. He almost seemed restless or like he was trying to run away from something, which I thought odd. It didn't matter how far into the future I looked, I didn't see anyone pursuing him. I couldn't see anything that he would be running from, but I never had quite the right opportunity to ask him about it.

After the night we spent watching the sunset, it seemed for a little while that we might have made some progress. I had hardly been able to contain my joy when he'd let me hold his hand. Just that little touch – that physical link with him, simple as it was – felt more wonderful than I had ever been able to imagine. Even though he held his hand loosely in mine while we walked, not reciprocating, it was worlds better than having him pull away altogether.

That was as close as I tried to get for now. Every time I thought about moving closer, I saw that he would respond badly. He wasn't ready for anything more than this for the moment. Above all, I made certain that I never caught him by surprise. His instincts had been honed to an instantaneous response by his years of warfare. Being grabbed unexpectedly would have disastrous results.

The slow progress was frustrating, but at this point, I would take whatever he was willing to give me.

After our first few hunting trips, we learned to coordinate our feeding schedules. We'd decide on a meeting spot, and he would go his way while I went mine. Sometimes I'd finish first and wait for him where we'd parted, but the times when I went back to see him waiting for me were the times my heart felt like it wanted to leap from my chest.

Even if we'd only been apart for an hour, the moment when I saw him again left me feeling a little bit breathless. It was almost hard to make myself believe that he was really _real_. There was always a part of me that feared I'd "wake up" from a vision and he'd be gone again… just like every time before.

It was heartbreaking to watch him struggle with his guilt induced depression after a hunt. After every time, I wanted to encourage him to try hunting with me, but our relationship, such as it was, was tenuous enough without that. I knew the timing wasn't right yet. He didn't need to believe that I was trying to change him, and I never wanted him to think my love was conditional. He could continue hunting humans for the rest of his existence if he chose, and I'd love him just the same. That would change nothing.

But I knew he'd be happier if he wasn't constantly having to deal with death. I just had to wait until his walls came down enough to listen to any suggestions I might make.

Some days were better than others. There were days I could ask him some of the multitudes of questions I had saved up over the years. Most of his answers were brief – he wasn't a man to waste words, I was coming to find out – but he would give me an answer if I asked. I watched carefully, looking for his first sign of frustration, and when I saw it, I would fall quiet, content just to hold his hand in silence.

It had been early in April when I had found him in the diner. It was now late in June – a passage of almost three months. It was difficult to stay patient with our slow progress. It was so hard to give him the time he needed when all I wanted to do was to pour out on him all the love that had been building in my heart for the last thirty years. He wasn't ready for that though. So, painful as it was, I had to wait.

From the very first time I'd seen him, I'd seen the evidence of his physical scars, but I was coming to understand that I had underestimated the extent of his internal scars. The scars on his heart went far deeper than I had known.

He truly didn't trust anyone. His constantly watchful eyes and wary demeanor plainly showed that. He'd learned to keep everyone away… at any cost. And those lessons were not easily unlearned. If that conditioning meant the difference between his survival and his death during all those years of warfare, then I was grateful for it… I only wished that somehow I had been the exception to his efforts of self-protection.

One afternoon in late June we were wandering somewhere in North Dakota close to the Canadian border. It had been a cloudy morning, but I could see that the sun was going to come out soon. There was no one around us for miles, and we were more than two hundred miles away from any settlements.

I knew Jasper was still uncomfortable being out during the day, but especially in the sunlight. Just as I knew he would, he flinched when the sun came out, glancing around for shelter. There was nothing around except for the rolling prairie.

The sudden warmth of the sun felt good seeping into my skin. I smiled, lifting my face up to the light, my eyelids fluttering closed. I savored the warmth, delighting in the way the sun streamed down like a caress on my face.

When I opened my eyes again, Jasper was watching me intently, a look on his face that I couldn't quite decipher. He looked away immediately when he saw that I noticed. I had seen those looks more often recently, and I would have given almost anything to know what was going on behind those inscrutable eyes. If nothing else it made me hope that he wasn't quite as indifferent towards me as he tried to make me believe. I could hope at least.

I smiled up at him, sitting down on the grass and running my hands over the blades, letting them tickle my palms. "Come on, let's stop for a few minutes. Enjoy the sunshine."

He shook his head, not stopping to even consider. "I want to keep moving."

"Jasper," I protested carefully, watching for any sign that he was going to grow frustrated with my request. I wanted him to relax, even if just a little bit, not cause him to retreat further behind his defenses. "There's no one around us for miles in any direction, and there's nowhere we have to be. Sit with me for a few minutes? Please?" I looked up at him, watching the wheels turn in his mind as he processed. This was the first time, aside from that one night in Maine, that I'd made any requests of him.

He was about to object again so I continued hurriedly, "I'll see if there's anyone coming, and we'll leave. But no one will." I patted the ground beside me. "Please?"

He shrugged finally, choosing not to argue further, though he still looked very ill at ease. He stood awkwardly for a moment, looking like he wasn't sure what to do next. One thing I had quickly noticed about him – he never relaxed. He was always wary… always on guard. He had lived with danger for too long to escape its effects easily.

I wanted so badly for him to learn to let that guard down and trust me. The suspicion in his eyes had faded after a while, but still… trust didn't come easily to him. The only thing I knew to do was constantly prove to him that he _could_ trust me, and that _I_ trusted _him_ – that I felt safe with him… which oddly enough, I did.

I smiled at his acquiescence, and leaned back, laying on the soft cushion of grass… a rather defenseless position, all things considered. He stood uncertainly for several moments, looking slightly askance at my trusting pose, before finally sitting down hesitantly. Joy surged when I saw that he had settled only an arm's length away from me. That was closer than I had expected.

The sunlight shone down brightly on us, making the gold of his hair fairly glow. I wanted to touch it so badly, to run my fingers through it and feel its silky texture. The light bounced off his skin, shimmering like diamonds, the prisms bent when they hit the raised flesh of his scars. Even sitting still, his eyes didn't stop. They were constantly scanning the horizon, watching for danger.

Danger was the farthest thing from my mind, though. Jasper was sitting so close that I could easily reach out and touch him. His scent floated in the air around me, filling my senses with him – even after three months, I had yet to become desensitized to it.

With the welcome brightness of the sun and Jasper's nearness, I pushed everything else from my mind and enjoyed the moment. Right now in this moment, I felt perfectly content. I didn't know what tomorrow would bring, but for today I was happy.

The future had remained muddled. Everything I'd been so certain of before had faded to black with Jasper's indecision. My visions were only as certain as he was at this point, and it was obvious that a battle was being waged inside him. I truly didn't know what to expect now, and sometimes I felt that I was fighting blind.

But I couldn't give up. I loved him too much to let myself wallow in discouragement. As long as he was here, there was still hope.

I could feel Jasper's gaze on me almost as a tangible touch. I saw that he was wrestling with questions that he wanted to ask, but he rarely ever initiated conversation. I turned my head to look at him, smiling when I met his eyes.

He didn't look away… for once didn't try to cover the fact that he'd been watching me. But neither did he say anything.

"What are you thinking?" I pressed after several long moments, wanting a little peek at the workings of his mind. I rolled over onto my side, facing him and propping my head on my hand.

"How do you do that?" He asked, seeming perplexed.

"Do what?" I didn't understand what he meant.

"That," he gestured to my relaxed pose. "How can you let your guard down so completely? I never see you take measures to protect yourself, and you've never once felt even a twinge of fear… not even with me. I don't understand how you can be so at ease."

"I'm not afraid of you, Jasper." He cocked one eyebrow at that statement. "I know you won't believe me, but I've never felt safer than when I'm with you."

Just as I had known it would, his eyes widened in blatant shock. He sat speechless for a moment. "That lack of precaution is going to get you killed one of these days." He muttered under his breath as his eyes grew fierce as they looked at me. "There is nothing about me that should make you feel safe, Alice. Everyone else I've ever encountered had the instincts to know that – except for you."

"I'm not afraid of you," I said again gently, sitting up and scooting closer to him. I faced him and placed my up drawn knees beside his, so close that they were almost touching. "I've never once been afraid of you. I know you'd never hurt me."

His eyebrows shot up in disbelief. He opened his mouth to remind me of that first afternoon when I found him. "I know you thought about it at first, but you didn't do anything. I think whatever it was that stopped you then will keep you from hurting me in the future."

He sighed, shaking his head. "You have far too much faith in me. That's only going to keep disappointing you."

"I don't think so, but even still, that's a risk I'm willing to take."

I took his left hand gently in both of mine, holding it loosely between us. He didn't move at first. His face was clouded in an expression I couldn't decipher… which was nothing unusual. He wasn't easy to read.

When he finally did move, my breath caught in my throat. His right hand moved very slowly, very hesitantly, as he raised it to our joined hands. With the very tip of his forefinger, he traced a gentle path over my knuckles. He barely brushed my skin, but even that slight, whisper-soft touch sent a current of tingles rushing down to my toes.

His face remained intent but unreadable as he stroked in a barely-there touch over the back of my hand, down the length of my fingers and back. I was afraid to breathe… afraid if I moved at all he'd stop. This was the first time he'd initiated contact of any kind, and I would have loved to see inside his head to know what had brought it about.

I couldn't know that though, so I pushed away the thoughts of why and simply enjoyed the pleasure his touch brought. Simple and innocent as it was, it sent a shockwave of sensation through me. I felt those whisper touches all the way to my bones.

I felt like I visibly deflated when he released my hands from his and shifted away. He ran a hand through his hair. "What do you want from me, Alice?" His voice sounded confused and a little bit on edge.

"I want you to trust me," I said, once again baring my heart in my eyes. "I want you to be able to let me in… even if it's just a little bit."

He stood abruptly, pacing restlessly and shaking his head. "Don't you see? I don't think I'll ever be able to do that, Alice. It's not in my nature. You're fighting a battle you can't win." His eyes grew fierce as he finished, almost glowing with the depth with which he believed that.

I stood, walking towards him and placing both my hands on his arm, slowly so he could see what I was doing and giving him the chance to withdraw if he chose. "I believe you can, Jasper. I've seen it."

"But what do you see now. When you look into your future right now, what do you see? Do you still see us together? Tell me the truth."

I looked down at the ground, biting on my lip. He was right. That wasn't what I saw now. "No," I whispered in a broken voice. "I don't. But my visions are only as certain as you are. You're fighting yourself. You're fighting me. So no, I don't see anything clearly right now. But that doesn't matter." I put one hand over my heart. "I know how it can be for us. If it weren't a possibility, I don't think I would have seen it for so many years. I love you, Jasper, and I know that I belong with you."

"I can't give you what you want, Alice." He said almost regretfully… and maybe I was imagining things – maybe I was just hearing what I wanted to hear – but it sounded like he wasn't as sure of that as he had been before.

"Then I'll wait… for as long as it takes." And I would. Even is this truly was all I could ever have. The thought made my heart sink like a stone in my chest, but if being with him like this was my only option, then I'd still take it. It was better than a life without him in it at all.

Wordlessly, he turned to leave again, and I fell into step beside him. I hesitated to reach for him, wondering if he needed a little breathing room... a little room to recover after letting me peek through his walls. If he'd needed that space then I would have given it to him, but, with a thrill that shot straight to my heart, I felt the backs of his fingers brush mine as he voluntarily brought his hand closer, seeking mine. I turned my palm, offering it to him.

I could have wept for joy when the palm of his hand brushed over mine, his fingers slipping through the spaces between mine.

For a while, it seemed that a hurdle had been passed in our relationship. He spoke a little more freely now than he had before, answering my questions in more than monosyllables, and even at times asking questions of me about my life before him.

So many of the little inconsequential stories that I'd filed away in a corner of my mind to tell him came rushing out then. I didn't worry so much anymore about him growing tired of listening – he seemed to enjoy it… almost to encourage it.

One afternoon as I was telling him about some of my first shopping misadventures, I had seen the corners of his mouth twitch upwards in a smile. It happened so quickly before he caught himself that if I hadn't been looking at him I would have missed it.

With a start, I realized that I had never truly seen him smile before… only in the visions of us together in the far future… never since I had been with him, and certainly never before that. That only made me more determined to make him smile. I wanted to see him discover joy again.

But, just as before, with every step forward we seemed to take two steps back. The little progress we'd made was compromised when he stopped to realize how much he was beginning to let me in. He didn't seem to know how to stop fighting.

Our open communication lasted for a matter of weeks before he started shutting me out again. After growing accustomed to the relative closeness of before, his distance hurt even more than it ever had in the past. I couldn't remember doing anything to anger him, and I tried so hard not to push too much, but of course I wondered what I had done to make him push away again. I couldn't help it.

I had told him I'd wait… that I'd give him as much time as he needed. But it grew a little harder each day. Every time the future would start to become more familiar and more certain – just when I'd start to hope again – that's when the barriers came up once more. After feeling even a little of his warmth, his cool demeanor was unbelievably hurtful. Unlike him, I had no defenses. I couldn't protect myself from the sting of his rejection.

I was doing everything I knew to do… but sometimes I wondered if it would ever be enough.

**

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**Jasper**

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June turned to July, and July into August. Little by little, I had felt the frozen places inside me beginning to thaw. The heart which I had been so certain had been forfeited proved itself to be still very much present.

I had grown addicted to the sweet sound of Alice's voice and the music of her laughter. I found myself growing accustomed to the feel of her warm little hand clasping mine. I delighted in her smiles and the warmth of her happiness far more than I should.

And it took so little to bring her joy. All I had to do reach for her hand and the resulting joy from her was a direct shot of warmth straight into my silent heart. A single smile from me caused her to beam.

I actually missed her when we parted ways to hunt, even when it was only for an hour at a time. The little time I spent without her was too quiet. I missed the natural warmth she exuded; I missed her pleasant chatter filling the emptiness where there had only been silence before. I'd never minded being alone – had always preferred that, to be truthful – but her exuberance and her joy were like a drug that had been devised specifically for me.

She had somehow managed to tangle herself right into my heartstrings.

I didn't know what to make of these new feelings that were making themselves known, they were alien… and they were too much. So I took the only solution I knew of – shutting out and shutting down. Over the last couple of months, I'd let more of my guard down than I ever had in the past – and I was starting to feel exposed.

This little slip of a woman posed more of a threat to me than any opponent I'd battled in all my years. She threatened to consume me so completely that there was nothing left inside but her. It would be so easy to let her in… it would be effortless to just stop fighting her and give in to the intensity of the feelings she evoked in me. But leaving myself that vulnerable with anyone, no matter who it was, was a frightening concept. Everything in me rebelled at the idea of giving anyone that much power over me.

And yet keeping her out was becoming more challenging with every passing day. It was like swimming against the tide with millstones tied around my neck and ankles… like using only my two hands to barricade the walls which were falling down around me, holding them up against the swarming advance of an army. In other words, it was impossible – but still I tried.

In one last ditch effort of self-protection, I closed myself off from her again, refusing to speak to her or even to acknowledge her just as I had in the beginning. Only this time it was much more painful. I felt keenly her resulting distress and suffering. I was hurting her again… for no other reason than my fear.

That's what it all boiled down to… when all pretenses were stripped away, the simple fact was I was scared shitless at the thought of surrendering my heart to her. If I let her in the way I desired, she could so easily destroy me.

As the days passed, Alice grew more bewildered by my sudden and complete withdrawal. She tried talking to me, but I refused to answer. She tried reaching out to me, but I pulled away. But it was impossible to harden my heart to the misery my distance caused her.

I was just as miserable as she was… but too stubborn to give in.

I had told her that she was fighting a battle she couldn't win… but it would appear that _I_ was now the one persisting in a lost cause.

This went on for a week before she finally decided she'd had enough. With a frustrated sigh and a sudden burst of determination, she stepped right in front of me, blocking my path. I raised my eyebrows at the gesture. She'd always been very cautious about antagonizing me before now – always careful not to push too hard. Now it would appear that all bets were off.

She crossed her arms over her chest, "What's going on, Jasper?"

"I don't know what you're talking about," I shrugged, keeping my expression bland.

"Yes, you do!" Her eyes narrowed as she leveled a no-nonsense glare at me. "You've been ignoring me all week. We're right back where we started, and I don't know why." Some of the ferocity faded from her eyes, "I thought we were finally making progress." Her voice was shaded in insecurity.

"I told you, you want things from me that I can't give you. You had fair warning."

"That's not true." Ferocity transformed into desperation. "I thought you were finally learning to trust me a little bit – I thought you were finally learning to let me in, and now you've shut me out again after all the progress we'd made. I don't understand, Jasper. What did I do?"

Her eyes were wide, covered in a glistening sheen of emotion. Her anguish threatened to carve a hole in my chest. This, in a sense, didn't feel like borrowed emotions… these felt like my own. Her pain was becoming mine – I couldn't hurt her now without hurting myself in the process.

The depth of what I felt frightened me, which in turn made me angry, leading me to lash out. "I warned you, Alice, but you wouldn't listen. You have some idealistic picture in your mind of who I am and it's not true. You don't know me." My voice raised in volume until I was almost shouting by the end.

"But I want to!" She cried, stepping closer. "I keep trying, but you won't let me. I'm trying to be patient. I'm trying to give you the time you need. But every time I manage to get a little bit closer, you push me away."

"Then maybe you should take the hint and just stop. We'd both be better off if you did." I snapped harshly.

I watched her heart break in her eyes and nearly physically flinched away. "You don't mean that," she whispered, her voice cracking. "You can't."

"I do," I lied.

The tension was building and coiling inside until I thought I would snap right in two… my desperation and hers… her pain which fueled my own… the love she felt so strongly even in the midst of our fight, coupled with the love that was fighting and clawing its way through my own heart, seeking an outlet… and the profound fear those emotions provoked in me. I had already lost the battle, but I was too stubborn – too stupid – to admit my own clear defeat.

"Jasper, _I love you_ – scars and all, with everything your past entails," she whispered fiercely, "I'm not trying to change you. I'm not trying to make you into something you're not. All I want is to love you, but you won't even let me close enough to do that. Why, Jasper?"

I tugged my hair at the roots, the tension inside winding tighter like a spring ready snap.

"Please just tell me what I did wrong," she pleaded. "Let me try to fix it." The fact the she thought this was her fault was almost laughable, but I was in no mood to find humor in anything.

With a growl, the tension inside finally came to a head. My control shattered, and I turned to her, striding forward like an animal on the prowl. She stepped backwards until a tree trunk stopped her retreat.

My hands came up on either side of her, blocking her path though no part of my body actually touched hers.

"You want to know what you've done?" I hissed, my tone sounding tinged with desperation even to my own ears. "You've worked your way past every defense I've had in place for almost a century. You've made me feel things that I never thought I'd feel again. You make me want things that I shouldn't want."

Alice's eyes widened, locked on mine, boring all the way through me. Her body began to tremble with the force of her emotions.

"You make me want to feel _alive_ again, Alice." I whispered fiercely.

Her hands came up to rest tentatively on my chest, her fingers kneading into my shirt. "Jasper, please…"

"I don't know what to do with the things you make me feel. I don't know how to process them… and I'm afraid to even try. You make me feel like I can hope again."

Once the flood of words started, they rushed out beyond my control. "You're becoming part of me. You're becoming more necessary than anything else in life, and it scares the hell out of me."

A single sob ripped from her chest and straight through my heart.

"Goddamn it, Alice, _what are you doing to me_?" I leaned my forehead against hers, feeling the rush of her heavy breathing washing over my face.

One of her hands left my chest and came up to hesitantly cup the side of my cheek. "Then it's not that you… don't want me? It's not that you don't care?"

I shook my head, our noses so close they were almost touching. "It's not that. It's never been that."

"Jasper, I know how difficult it is for you to trust… and I understand why. But you have to know I'd never hurt you. I've been waiting all my life for you. You said that I was becoming part of you… but you already are a part of me. You are my heart."

Her eyes were so sincere, the love there so honest and transparent. I could see right into her heart and the purity there. It only magnified the difference between us.

"I'm not a fairy tale knight, Alice – there's nothing good or noble about me. I can't save you. It doesn't matter what my intentions might be, I'll hurt you. I'm not capable of anything else. You know what I am."

Alice hand tightened on my shirt as if she was trying to hold me in place, fearful that I might vanish. "I know who you are, and I've seen you at your worst. _But I'm still here_. There's nothing you have to worry about me finding out that would scare me away because I've already seen it.

"And you already have saved me – more times than you know. Jasper, I've seen what you _can_ be… I've seen the future we can have if you'll just stop fighting long enough to let me in." Her thumb traced a path of fire along my cheekbones, searing into my flesh. I felt that touch in every cell of my being. "You don't know how much I wish there was some way you could know for sure just how much I love you… to prove it to you so there's no room for doubt."

The fathomless ocher pools of her eyes, mere inches away, searched mine, seeing far more than anyone ever had before. "But maybe…" her voice trailed off as she seemed to consider something.

I didn't tell her that I already knew just how deeply her feelings ran… that those depths were equal parts alluring and terrifying. She didn't know yet that I could feel them.

Her tiny hand pushed gently at my chest, nudging me back so that she could remove the satchel that was always slung around her neck. She bit down on her lip, nervous all of a sudden, as she removed several small books from the bag.

"Here," she said with uncharacteristic timidity. "These rightfully belong to you." She wouldn't meet my eyes as she placed the books in my hand. "You already have my heart, Jasper. I'm hoping that maybe you'll read these and see that you're my past as well… and the only future I've ever wanted."

Her eyes met mine for a fleeting moment as her nerves surged anew. "I'm going to… hunt. I'll be back." With that, she turned and fled into the woods, leaving me alone with her unexpected offering.

I eyed the books warily, sitting on the ground and spreading them around me. All of them were in various stages of wear, looking weathered and well loved. I took the most worn of the bunch and opened the front cover. The image there stole the breath straight from my lungs.

Right there in front of me was my own face looking back at me. The detail was astounding. Every scar was in place, every eyelash, every nuance of my face was captured in perfect detail.

When my shock faded enough to enable me to move, I flipped the page finding another picture even more surprising than the first. This was undeniably my face, but it bore a look I hadn't known myself capable of – the same look that I had seen so many times in Alice's eyes when she looked at me. Love – deep and pure – was painted on my features as I gazed down at the woman curled so closely in my arms, gazing back just as adoringly at me.

Page after page was filled with such pictures, most of them showing me with Alice in various places… the two of us with tangled limbs in front of a fireplace, me leaning with my back against a tree and her resting against my chest, the two of us sitting on a pier, dangling our feet in the water, splashing each other in a stream with eyes alight with loving amusement…

Each picture was different and yet somehow the same. The common theme throughout was an undeniable, unshakable love shared between us. Seeing it left a hollow feeling in my chest, throbbing with need.

I turned each page almost reverently, stunned at the amount of time she must have spent sketching such detail into each image. They almost appeared that they could come to life right off the page. It was incredibly odd to see a side of myself shown before my eyes that I hadn't known could exist.

This was what she had seen?

This was the future she believed was possible for us?

Once finished with the first book, I turned to the next. There were no pictures in this one. This book was filled with letters… letters to me.

I could almost hear Alice's voice in every word… her excitement as she told me of the new things she learned each day, her curiosity as she penned the questions that she intended to ask me someday… I could even picture the way her head would tilt to one side and the way her forehead wrinkled when she was curious… I could hear her longing as she told me of the visions she'd seen, describing us together.

I couldn't look away as the pages turned almost by themselves it seemed. I was captivated. I had felt her emotions before, but reading the thoughts and intent behind them… seeing for myself a glimpse into her innermost soul… left me stunned.

Her words evoked every emotion imaginable to me… when she spoke of being overwhelmed and a little frightened of how new and unfamiliar everything was, I wanted to wrap her up in my arms and soothe her fears. When she told me of her excitement at each new discovery, I wanted to share in that zeal with her.

Reading this was like seeing the world through her eyes… eyes untainted by the corruption of greed and the devastation of war.

She spoke of seeing a couple in a secluded corner of the park and wondering how it would feel to have me hold her close… to feel my arms around her like that. When she wondered how it would feel to have my lips touch hers as she saw them do, some long-buried part of me wanted to give her that. In some deeply repressed part of my heart, I wanted to give her the tenderness and love that she craved.

But I wasn't capable of that… was I?

Everything I thought I knew about myself came under question as I was granted a glimpse at the future which she believed was possible for me. When I had finished the last book, I placed it gently alongside the others and stood, pacing as everything I had read whirled in a constant stream through my mind. My thoughts spun like a whirling dervish, careening out of control as I tried to reconcile my mind to the images I had seen and the feelings that had been brought so forcefully to the surface.

I was still waging war inside my head when I heard the familiar tread of Alice's steps behind me. Her alluring scent enveloped me, further clouding my thoughts. I felt her fear and her uncertainty, but most of all her vulnerability as she stood there as the minutes passed, waiting for me to acknowledge her.

"Say something, please," she pled in a strained whisper. She'd left her heart wide open and exposed to me.

I turned to her, my struggle visible in my eyes. "No matter how much I may want to, I don't know if I'll ever be able to give you everything you want."

"All I want is you." Naked, irrefutable truth was evident in her gaze.

"You deserve so much more than what little I can offer you." I took one step closer, drawn to her with an irresistible pull.

Her lip trembled, and she blinked rapidly several times. "Oh, Jasper, I'd rather have a little corner in your heart than be adored by anyone else."

"You could do so much better than me." I took another step… and then another, until I was standing a mere foot from her, seeing the rapid rise and fall of her chest with her quickened breathing… feeling the tremors of her body as I came closer.

"I could never want anyone but you. It's _always_ been you, Jasper." Her hands reached out in a gesture resembling supplication, reaching out for me.

I closed my eyes, feeling the last vestiges of my walls crumble around me… and doing nothing to keep them in place. I had been trying to hold them up with only my two bare hands, and I just couldn't do it any longer.

I leaned down, looking directly into her eyes. For the first time, I held nothing back, letting my gaze be as transparent as hers had always been.

"I can't fathom why you would want my heart, blackened and scarred, hideous, as it is. For the life of me, I can't understand why someone as innocent and _good_ as you would want someone as damaged as I am." My voice broke, the next words coming out shakily. "But I'm through fighting, Alice. I'm through."

Tears that couldn't be shed filled her eyes as she saw what I was going to say next, and her breath caught audibly in her throat. I reached out slowly, cupping her face in the palm of my hand like it would shatter with my touch. A whimpering cry passed her lips as she leaned into my hand, her eyelids fluttering closed.

"I don't understand it, but if you want my heart, Alice, then it's yours."

A sob wrenched its way from her as she stepped closer, burying her face against my chest. The waves of her love swept over me like a rampaging flood. It razed everything in its path, clearing away the ruins of what had been and washing it clean… tearing it down to make room for something new.

I hesitantly stroked the strands of her hair, marveling both at the soft, silken texture and this new freedom I felt to touch her… to hold her. I traced my fingers along the ridges of her spine pressing her tiny form closer to me as I did so.

With the fresh current of love that washed over me, both hers and mine, I discovered something I would have never expected before now…

Surrender was sweet after all.

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**Told you I wasn't going to drag that part out forever. ;-) We're not done yet, but at least they're moving in the same direction now… **

**Please take a second to leave me some love… and let me know what you think! **

**Thanks!**

**Nik **


	5. Chapter 5

**Thanks soooo much to all of you who have been reading, reviewing, favoriting, and alerting. You all make this an incredibly enjoyable experience for me. You wouldn't believe how excited I get when I see there's a new comment! And I'm still a little blown away by how accepting you've all been about the different twist here. I think it's pretty safe to say, though, that things will start looking a little more like the Jalice we're all familiar with from here on out. :-)**

**And I want to say a quick thank-you here to all the anonymous reviewers as well. I love reading your comments… even though I can't respond to them. :-( But I do truly appreciate you taking the time to let me know you're reading!**

**OK, enough from me… sorry about the wait this time, but this is the longest chapter yet, so hopefully that makes up for it! Enjoy!**

**All usual disclaimers apply, of course. ;-)**

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**Chapter 5**

**Alice**

I had never in my life felt so vulnerable as I did when I gave my journals to Jasper for him to read. He had been in such a state of turmoil that I hadn't been able to see anything clearly, and I hadn't the first clue as to how he would react.

I was laying my innermost thoughts and desires bare for him. And I had felt so _exposed_.

When I left, I didn't hunt as I said I was going to – I was much too distracted for that. I sat in the middle of the forest floor and just waited. I waited until I saw that he was done and then went back with fear and trembling. He was still warring internally, and I didn't know what to expect.

When he had snapped earlier that day, the intensity in his eyes had been a little unsettling. I had instinctively backed away from his approach though I wasn't truly frightened – there was something in his eyes… a kind of spark there that I had yet to see from him before. It had made me hope that maybe he wasn't quite as unaffected by me as he usually seemed.

I had felt his nearness in every cell of my being. This wasn't like the first time he had imprisoned me against a tree – I didn't see one single thing that led me to believe that he was planning to hurt me in any way. This felt entirely different. And his closeness had been intoxicating.

He hadn't backed away when I put my hand on his chest, and between the words he had spoken about how I affected him and feeling the solid warmth of him under my hand, I had felt like I was going to come undone. He had been _so close_… closer than he'd ever been before, and I'd wanted more… I wanted so much more.

When I had returned to the place where I had left him to read, he had been facing away from me again. I waited, but he said nothing at first. Though, when he did speak, he gave words that I'd begun to doubt I'd ever hear. It wasn't the declaration of love I'd dreamed of, but there was still time for that yet. I could hope now that we were one step closer to it.

Jasper was finally done fighting me… he was finally done fighting himself.

He had held me in his arms while I'd cried, smoothing my hair and stroking my back. Joy like I'd never felt before surged through me with his touch. I'd waited so long.

But now that the initial elation had passed, I wasn't entirely sure what to expect. He had said that I could have his heart… but what exactly did he mean by that? He'd said I made him hope again… that I was becoming necessary to him, but I didn't know realistically what to expect right now in the immediate future – there were so many things I couldn't see. I had so many questions swirling in my mind, I wasn't sure where to start.

I wanted to protest when Jasper pulled away, tempted to cling to him and not let go, but he wasn't going far. He took my hand and led me a little ways to the tree he'd been sitting against before. He sat down and patted the ground beside him. I was more than happy to curl up next to him, scooting as close to his side as I could get. His arm draped over my shoulder, and I sighed in contentment, snuggling closer still.

"I suppose you and I should talk," he said, rubbing his hand absently up and down my arm.

I nodded, and he continued, sounding a little bit hesitant. His hand came up to nudge against my chin, urging me to tilt my head back. "Look at me for a second, Alice." I did, and for the first time I felt that I could see _him_, not the façade he'd had so firmly in place before. There was a new kind of genuineness in his eyes.

He pondered his words for a moment, his mouth opening and closing several times before he spoke. "First of all, I meant what I said a few minutes ago. I still truly believe that you're going to be disappointed."

I opened my mouth to object, but he placed one finger over my lips. "Let me say this, please." I nodded again, unable to speak now if I'd wanted to. The feel of his touch on my lips sent sparks of sensation shooting through my body. I felt it all the way to my toes. It was like nothing I'd ever experienced before.

"Not since I was human have I felt any sort of… affection… for anyone. I honestly didn't know I was capable of that anymore. And to be quite frank, I haven't the slightest idea how to respond to those feelings. But I'm tired of trying to convince the both of us that I feel nothing for you.

"I don't know how to have a relationship based on anything other than selfish reasons. That's all I've ever known. But I'm willing to try. I'm willing to see if we can make this work.

"I don't know if I'll ever be able to give you the kind of love you want from me, but, if nothing else, I promise you my honesty from this point on." His mouth twitched up in a chagrined smile. "I'm afraid you'll have to be very patient with me, Alice. I'm in unfamiliar territory here."

"I can be patient," I told him, lacing my fingers through his and smiling warmly at him.

"There was one other thing I wanted to say." A warmth I hadn't seen before lit his eyes. "Thank you. You entrusted me with a precious gift earlier in letting me look so deeply into your heart. I'll do my best not to make you regret that."

I bit down on my lip, averting my eyes from his. "I don't regret it."

"Now," he said, settling back against the truck of the tree, "you have questions for me." He said it as a statement of fact, not inquiring. My eyes shot back up to see a spark of amusement lighting the scarlet of his eyes.

"How do you know that?"

The corner of his mouth lifted in a teasing smile. "You always have questions, Alice. I'd find it highly unusual if you didn't."

"I'm sorry…"

"Don't apologize," his voice was soft, and made me feel oddly reassured. "Your inquisitive nature is one of the things I enjoy about you. I've grown jaded and very cynical, Alice. It's a nice change to be allowed the chance to see the world through eyes that haven't lost their joy."

"I do have questions," I told him, "but they can wait. For the moment…" I stopped, almost afraid to voice my request. It was something I'd spent so many years dreaming about.

"What is it?" Jasper's head tilted to one side.

"Would you… could you just hold me for a little while?"

A flurry of emotions I couldn't identify passed over Jasper's features. He said nothing… he just nodded. His left arm tightened around my shoulders and his right hand came up to cup my cheek, bringing my head down to rest right over the place where his heart used to beat.

I sighed in contentment, delighting in the firm feeling of his chest against my cheek, the way his arms encircled me, and his breath as it fanned over my hair. I was surrounded by him, and it felt even better than I had ever dared to imagine it could. I felt completely safe and more content than I ever had before in my life.

I took his right hand in mine, cradling it and studying it. He had large hands… they were more than twice the size of mine… and long, elegant looking fingers. I splayed my fingers out against his, palm to palm, marveling at the differences.

Our skin was the same color, but where mine was smooth, his was covered in the crescent shaped ridges of his scars. They were smooth, but slightly raised, giving his skin a textured feel to it.

I turned his hand over so that his palm was facing downward now and ran my finger over the back of his hand. The scars were layered thickly, but even they could detract from the masculine beauty of his hands. Their strength was evident even he held them pliable in mine, letting me move and prod them as I wished.

I wound my fingers lightly around his wrist, finding that my fingers didn't quite fit all the way around. Yet he could encircle my wrist with enough overlap to wrap around twice. I knew I was smaller than most people, but I'd never felt as tiny as I did next to his tall frame. Jasper stood more than a foot and a half taller than me. He was lean, but even simply leaning against him, I could feel the latent power in his muscles.

Maybe it was because I'd never really been this close to anyone before, or maybe it was simply because it was Jasper, but I found myself cataloguing everything about him – the way his chest had felt like a solid wall when I'd touched him earlier, the firm flex of his bicep when he would move to absently stroke my arm, the strong line of his jaw, all the hidden facets in his eyes. There was so much about him that I wanted to know and discover.

I wanted to _know_ him – everything there was to know about him – and be known by him in the same way.

I was so fascinated with the new freedom to learn even this little bit about him, that it startled me a little bit when his fingers wove through mine, stopping their movement.

"What are you doing?" There was amusement and something else coloring his eyes.

If I could have blushed, I would have. "I guess I'm just soaking it all in. I don't remember ever being this close to anyone before."

His hand tilted my face up again. A wrinkle had formed between his eyebrows, and his voice was shocked when he spoke. "What do you mean?"

I looked away even though the fingers holding my chin prevented me from moving my head.

"You've never so much as been held before?"

I shook my head. "Not that I remember anyway. Maybe when I was human, but I wouldn't know for sure. And ever since the first moment I remember, I've been waiting for you. Other than the occasional human when I venture into town, I haven't had much interaction with anyone before… not until I found you."

"Alice," his voice sounded pained, and his arms pulled me just a little closer. "You really are quite the little innocent, aren't you?" He spoke so quietly under his breath that I almost didn't hear him.

"I like the way this feels," I sighed, settling my head against his chest once more. "I feel safe."

He chuckled wryly, and I felt the rumble it caused against my face. "Even earlier today, I would have called you a fool for a statement like that. Now I can only hope I don't give you cause to regret that trust."

"You won't," I assured him, feeling the rise and fall of his chest as he breathed, listening to the sound of the air passing in and out of his lungs and being strangely comforted by it. It was soothing. When he wasn't painfully guarded, he had a very calming, restful presence.

Jasper surprised me then by offering a piece of his past without any sort of coaxing… proof, in essence, that he was trying. "I think the last time I remember embracing anyone simply for affection's sake would have been before I left home to enlist."

"Who?" I asked, curious, and admittedly a little bit jealous… even though I really had no right to be.

"My mother," he said, looking at me and trying to hide his amusement… almost as if he knew I was jealous.

"Oh," I said simply. I hadn't expected that answer, but that led me to a different kind of jealousy. I was torn in two directions now. On the one hand, I wanted to ask what he remembered about his human mother. I had no memories of mine, and I wondered if he would share what memories he had with me.

But on the other hand, now that we were being open and he had promised honesty, I wanted to ask about Maria as well. Their relationship had always confused me. Just now, he'd basically denied any real affection for her, but I had so many questions about the two of them… I was just a little hesitant to bring it up. I feared it would burst this peaceful bubble we were in.

"You can ask," he said, still with amusement lingering in his voice, though it was tempered with sincerity. "I can't promise an answer you'll like, but I will be truthful."

I looked up at him, wondering how he seemed to know what I wanted to ask. He traced his forefinger along the outline of my jaw.

"Your jealousy, little one, is written all over your face," He explained in answer to my unspoken question. There was an odd sort of smile tugging at his lips. I couldn't help but notice that even the sound of his voice was different now. It was softer, almost tender. "You have some of the most expressive eyes I've ever seen. They're almost like looking into an open book."

"Do I?" I questioned, a little embarrassed that he could read me that easily already.

"Yes." He seemed to contemplate something for a moment, looking away and then peering down at me with a look that seemed strangely speculative. "But that's not the only way that I knew," he spoke quietly a moment later.

I looked up at him in confusion. His gaze bore deeply into mine and I felt a wave of peace seeping into my very bones, so much so that I felt oddly lethargic… like I'd be content to never move again. I wanted to curl up into a ball on the ground and stay right here.

The lethargy was quickly replaced by a feeling of giddy excitement which then morphed into sorrow so deep I wanted to cry. The sorrow was replaced by fear and then by anger. Joy, elation, and contentment followed quickly on their heels. My head was spinning a little from the strange whirl of feelings. They came and went so quickly and almost felt like they were coming from outside of me… I had no control over them.

The outside emotions faded again and I was left with confusion which I knew was my own. I looked at Jasper who had a knowing gleam in his eyes… like he was waiting for me to figure something out.

It wasn't possible… was it?

"Did you… did you do that?" I asked uncertainly.

He dipped his head in a nod. "I can manipulate your emotions to make you feel whatever I'd like, as you saw. But by the same token, I can feel what you feel. Your emotions become mine. Which, apart from your amazingly expressive face, is how I knew about your jealousy."

"Oh," I said again, not knowing what else to say and trying to take this new revelation in. "So that's why…" I said absently as sudden realization hit.

"Why what?" He asked, raising one eyebrow.

"I knew there was something… some ability that you had to make Maria rely on you the way she did. As few people that lasted in her army, I knew there was something about you, aside from your fighting abilities, that she was afraid to lose. I just couldn't place what exactly it was."

"Yes, that would be why." He nodded, his eyes becoming slightly bitter. "Because of that particular talent, I was able to cause the newborns – and everyone else in our army for that matter – to be more inclined to cooperate with each other. They worked easier together which made us stronger… more a force to be reckoned with. I could calm them when I needed to, but I could incite them before a battle just as easily. It most certainly worked to her advantage… and for a while, to mine as well."

"What do you mean 'for a while'?" I asked, looking up into his eyes which had become hard once again with his memories.

"For many years, I loved the fight – I lived for it… for the power I felt on the battlefield. Fighting – war – is what I do best. It's what I know. But after a while, living in that atmosphere of hatred and aggression with no relief from it – " he shook his head, his eyes distant, "experiencing as I did what my victims felt just before I killed them… it ate away at me a little bit more every day.

"For a while, that ability set me apart from the rest. It caused Maria to give me a place of leadership that I thrived on. But after so many years, I wanted the fight to be over – I was done. I wanted an end to the constant violence. Yet because of that, she wasn't willing to give me the out that I wanted. It was too much to her advantage to keep me around."

"So you tried to end it yourself," I said almost without thinking, recalling all the times I'd seen him decide to give up in the midst of a battle.

His eyes shot to mine in surprise. "Yes," he said, not trying to deny it, "but how did you know that?"

"I saw you," I whispered, shuddering at the gruesome memories – if I was capable of dreaming, that would be the substance of my worst nightmares. "I could see when you would decide to give up. I'd see you stop moving. And then I'd see you die." I curled closer to him, trying to reassure myself that he was here – that he wasn't in danger anymore. "It was the most terrified I've ever been."

"I see," he said absently, seeming to consider something. When he spoke next, his voice was distant, almost like he didn't realize he was speaking out loud… like he had forgotten that I was there. "Every time I tried to make myself surrender, there was _something_ that wouldn't let me stop… something that kept me going when I didn't think I had a reason to go on. I never could figure out what it was, but now I wonder…" He looked at me in confusion, and something else I couldn't quite put a name to, as his voice trailed off.

My breath caught in my throat, and hope swelled in my chest. I had often wondered what it was that stopped him, but I'd never had the first idea what it might have been. "Do you think… maybe… it might have been… me?" I asked hesitantly, almost afraid to voice the question. I wasn't sure how it could have been, but, oh, how I hoped…

"I don't know," he said, confusion etched on his features. He contemplated for a very long moment – or at least it seemed that way to me as I waited for him to speak. He debated internally, trying to decide what to say, seeming afraid to say too much. Finally he laughed wryly under his breath.

"I did promise honesty, didn't I?" He said to himself. He turned his face to look at me again, a raw kind of honesty in his eyes. "Alice, the moment I saw you, I felt the strangest kind of recognition… like I'd seen you before. You felt… familiar to me.

"You said I'd kept you waiting, but truthfully, it seemed to me like I'd been waiting for you. When you took my hand, for one moment it felt like I'd found everything I'd been missing before. That was the first time in almost a century that I'd felt hope of any kind… I'd almost forgotten what it felt like." His voice trailed off by the end.

My eyes stung as I took in the unexpectedness of Jasper's revelation. I'd never dreamed – as hard as he'd fought me – that he'd felt that way. Once again, I wanted to cry. My joy seemed to be too much to keep inside.

"Do you mean that?" I asked, my voice choked.

He smiled wryly, almost uncomfortably, "Do you think I would say something like that if it weren't true?"

"No, I guess… it's just… do you have any idea how happy it makes me to hear that?" I asked without thinking. He gave me a dry look, the irony in his glance reminding me that he could, in fact, feel how happy I was. I giggled, slightly giddy, "I guess you do actually, don't you?"

"Yes," one corner of his mouth lifted in a half smile. "I do."

A shadow passed over my joy as I came back to the question I'd been sidetracked from earlier. I was almost afraid to ask, but I needed to know. "Jasper?" I leaned against his chest again, laying my cheek against his heart once more. "Will you… tell me about her?"

Jasper's hand passed over my hair, smoothing it. "Maria?" I nodded wordlessly. "What would you like to know?"

"She's the one who changed you?"

"Yes."

My heart hurt to ask, but I was almost more afraid not to know. "You were with her for so many years… you must have felt something for her."

"For many years, yes. Or at least I thought I did." Jasper's voice was hesitant. It seemed he didn't want to hurt me, but, then again, he'd already warned me I might not like the answers he had to give. And, difficult as it was to hear, I'd rather him be honest… having him lie would hurt more in the long run.

"In the beginning, I thought she could do no wrong. I suppose, in some ways, I worshipped the ground she walked on. Maria is a brilliant tactician. She knows exactly how to play people to get the response she wants. I've never met anyone who can manipulate as expertly as she can. And she has no compunction against lying shamelessly to further her own ends. That makes a dangerous combination.

"She had me played for a long time. But eventually I realized that her only loyalty was to herself. She surrounded herself with those who could get her what she wanted, and when their usefulness came to an end, so did they."

"I saw the way you interacted sometimes," I confessed, toying with one of the buttons on Jasper's shirt. "It didn't seem like you trusted her."

"The last few decades, I didn't," Jasper said without hesitation, "which should have been a clue to me that what I felt for her wasn't love. Trust is something I learned to keep to myself. Trusting anyone else, no matter who they were, in the world I lived in turned out to be a fatal mistake more often than not.

"But at the same time, I didn't think to question her. When she said there was no other way for us, I believed her." Jasper shook his head sardonically, "That doesn't make much sense, does it? I didn't trust her, but yet I did." He laughed once darkly. "And I should have known better."

I watched the darkness seething in his eyes as he got lost in his memories. He felt my eyes on him a moment later, and he looked back down at me, the darkness lifting slightly as he came back to me.

"I can't find any easy answers to give you, can I?" He asked, his eyes chagrined. "I think I've yet to give you one straightforward response."

"I don't expect easy answers, Jasper. I'm just grateful that you're being honest with me. And, no, it's not easy for me to hear some of this, but I'd rather know for sure than to be left wondering. No matter how many times I saw the two of you together I never could figure your relationship out."

Jasper's chuckle rumbled against my cheek again. "Sometimes neither could I, Alice, to tell the truth."

"At times it seemed like you didn't even like to be around her."

Jasper contemplated for a moment, his eyebrows coming together in a frown. "Maria and I had a very… abrasive relationship, I suppose you could say. Neither of us truly trusted the other. We used each other.

"And, no, I don't suppose you would say that I _liked_ her. I didn't enjoy being around her after a while. Her particular aura, with her greed and her obsession with power, was never exactly pleasant for me to be around. She was always dissatisfied… always seeking more than what she had. With her, I always felt like I was on edge."

I was gnawing on my lip, not looking up at him now, and, admittedly, feeling more than a little ill at ease. I didn't like hearing about his relationship with Maria… it was very unsettling. "But she was very beautiful," I said in a low pitched voice, still fingering that one button.

Maria was beautiful, and, much as I hated her, I had to admit that. She was exotic… and looking at myself after seeing her with her voluptuous figure, her feminine features, and long dark hair, I felt like an unsightly little waif. I was too small… everywhere… and my hair was much too short for a woman. It was all cropped off like a boy's, and there was little I could do to hide that. Physically, I could never compare with her.

Jasper snorted harshly, interrupting my inner comparison. "Not hardly. Have you ever heard the expression, Alice, that beauty is only skin deep?" I shook my head. "Well, it's true. And with my particular advantage, seeing as I can how a person feels in any given situation, it's even more apparent how true that is. In some ways, I'm able to look inside hearts.

"Maria's outer shell, while at first glance might be pleasing to the eye, hides a filthy, repulsive interior. She is anything but beautiful."

I was glad to hear his denial, but I had a difficult time making myself really believe it. It wasn't that I doubted him, I just didn't see how after living with her for so many years he simply didn't feel anything for her. Whether I liked it or not, she was a part of his past. They had a partnership that spanned almost a century. He might not have truly loved her or trusted her, but her hold on him had been strong… she'd been at the center of his world.

Feeling my tumultuous emotions, Jasper's hand reached to cup my chin, lifting my eyes to his. "I told you, little one, the feelings I have for you are entirely unfamiliar. I've never encountered them before… least of all for Maria.

"Right now you feel threatened, and you feel vulnerable. You feel like you're not good enough, or that you're lacking in some way compared to her." He shook his head, looking, it seemed, all the way through me. "But that's not true, Alice. It's not true at all."

I didn't know what to say to that, so I let the subject drop. I knew it would come up again later, but I just didn't want to pursue it any more right now. We sat in silence for a while, and when our conversation did pick back up, we stayed with less… painful… topics.

It felt like a barrier had come down between us. Over the next few days, Jasper talked more freely than I'd ever heard before. He smiled more readily than I'd ever seen. He seemed to be really listening to the things I said… to be interested, responding with questions and stories of his own. He did tell me what little he remembered about his human family, answering my questions patiently and fully. Not having any memories of my own family, I was fascinated by his.

And this was the longest period of time I'd ever seen him stay still. His eyes didn't wander. He didn't seem to be restless as he'd always been before.

There were still moments where I could see his doubt in his eyes as he wondered if he was doing the right thing… if he was going to be made to regret this later. He seemed to work through it each time, though. To my great joy, it seemed like he was finally more comfortable with me. It seemed that little by little he was finally starting to trust me.

I stayed tucked against his side as the next few days passed, soaking in the closeness I'd dreamed about for so many years. I still made sure not to move too suddenly and take him by surprise, but to my delight, he didn't seem to be uncomfortable having me sit so close beside him. He kept his arm around me, and every once in a while, his hand would stroke the length of my arm or his fingertips brush against my cheek.

He was trying. I knew that much. He still struggled with his instinctive reservations… they weren't done away with as easily as I'd like. And there was so much more I wanted – having had a little taste of the future I'd dreamed about, I was eager to experience it all – but just knowing that he was making a true effort made it easier to wait.

At least now we were moving in the same direction. I just had to be patient a little while longer.

* * *

**Jasper**

.

Having lived in an environment of war for almost a century, I had almost forgotten what peace felt like. Alice was reminding me a little bit at a time.

Sitting with her, talking with her, felt surprisingly natural once I let myself go. With her easy smile and her infectious laugh, she was thoroughly enjoyable for me to be around. Her happiness and her natural vibrancy were like a balm to me. It was soothing… it was healing.

It was odd to have someone hanging on my every word the way she did… the way she was interested in everything I had to say. I had forgotten what it felt like to have someone care about _me_… who I really was… the man behind the warrior.

Alice made me remember things I hadn't thought of in years – thoughts, feelings, memories of another life. Little pieces at a time, I saw remnants of the man I had once been trying to resurface… human emotions I had all but forgotten rising from the ashes.

And I found that I truly did enjoy her closeness. I liked the way her little hand felt in mine and the way she fit against my side like she had been made for me. Even when we started moving again, I didn't want to let go of her. I kept her hand clasped in mine, earning a brilliant smile from her as our joined hands swung between us while we walked.

Our pace was slower than it had been before. I didn't feel the same restless urgency to move. I didn't feel the same need to run to or from something. For once, I was more focused on who I was with rather than where I was going.

I almost felt like I was seeing things for the first time as Alice pointed out silly shapes in the clouds, colors of flowers… little things she saw beauty in… things I had been blind to before now.

Even more than that, though, I found myself becoming increasingly aware of Alice… the lithe, graceful way she moved, almost dancing when she walked… the sparkle, the zeal for life, in her eyes. Her eyes were depthless, the liquid golden pools like magnets drawing me further in. The more time passed, the more I found myself wanting to get lost in them and not resurface.

She was lovely, through and through. Exquisitely beautiful inside and out. And the more I was with her, the more I felt like a man instead of the monster I had known myself to be before.

Trust, which had been a lost concept to me, was quickly taking root now. Alice was unlike anyone I had ever met before in that her emotions were like a clear pool… there was a transparency there that I hadn't seen before. What was in her heart was matched by the words that came from her mouth and that which was written on her face.

I didn't have to puzzle through her emotions, wondering what she was hiding behind them. There was an honesty to her, a straightforwardness that was refreshing and very reassuring.

"Jasper?" Alice's soft voice pulled me from my musings.

"Yes?" Briefly, I wondered why it was that my name sounded so different coming from her lips than it did from anyone else. Her voice almost caressed it.

"I was thinking," she began.

I chuckled, "Should I be worried by that?"

Her face creased in a frown as she pretended to be affronted. "That's not funny, Jasper." Her eyes sparkled with suppressed laughter, though, giving her away.

"My apologies, ma'am," I teased with a smirk. "What were you thinking about?"

"I was thinking I wanted to go into town today. It's going to be sunny over the next few days, so today will be my only chance."

That was new. I couldn't imagine why Alice would want to go into town. It's not like she hunted there. "What are you going into town for?" I asked, confusion evident on my face.

Alice glanced down, eyeing her dress. "Well, I am getting a little ratty. All this travel isn't particularly easy on the clothes."

"No, I guess it's not." I hadn't given it a thought before now. But I guessed women usually were a little more particular when it came to their appearance. "Of course you should go if you'd like to. I'll wait here for you."

A smile stretched across Alice's face, but it faltered a moment later. Her hand came up to trace gently the dark circles under my eyes. "You're going to need to go into town yourself soon. You're getting thirsty," she said softly.

I caught her hand in mine, weaving our fingers together. "I know." I sighed, dreading already the depression that inevitably followed feeding. "But I'm going to give it a little while longer before I do. I'll be fine." I said, smiling at her obvious concern for me.

"All right then," she stepped in front of me, taking my free hand in hers and lacing her fingers through that one as well. "I'll be back," she said with a tender smile.

"I'll be here." It was amazing how three simple, seemingly insignificant, words could make Alice's face light up… but they did. She squeezed my hands gently in hers before releasing them.

I stood watching her as she flitted through the trees. She made it about a dozen yards away and then turned around again to wave. She hesitated for a split second, indecision on her face, before she raised her hand to her mouth and blew a kiss in my direction. The gesture took me by surprise, and, by the time I recovered, she was gone.

I wasn't so dense that I didn't realize that I was losing my heart to Alice – the heart I hadn't realized I'd had to lose in the first place. And I knew she loved me – she made no secret of that. It was responding to that love in real, tangible ways that I hadn't really considered yet.

Our physical contact had been fairly limited up to this point. I'd held her hand. I'd embraced her, holding her against my side. But there really hadn't been anything other than that. I thought back over our interaction over the course of the last few weeks, realizing with some surprise that Alice had quietly taken a step back and was letting me lead.

I couldn't recall one single time when she had pushed the boundaries I hadn't even consciously realized I'd placed. She didn't manipulate… she didn't cajole.

She had let me have control – which might have been one of the reasons I'd felt that level of comfort with her beginning to grow. I'd come to see physical closeness as a threat after so many years of fighting. Our bodies were used as weapons… that was how my mind had grown to perceive it.

And now that I thought about it, I realized that Alice had yet to even try to wrap her arms around me. I wondered if that was a conscious decision on her part… if she knew that I would have an issue with that.

It had been so deeply ingrained in me while working in such close proximity with newborns to never let anyone get their arms around my body. That was a novice mistake… and I was no novice. The results of that were disastrous and gruesome. I had witnessed that firsthand.

Alice hadn't brought her mouth or her teeth too near either. Thinking back I saw that every time we'd been in close contact, I'd had the upper hand. She'd let herself be vulnerable with me, letting me have my arms around her, willingly putting herself at that disadvantage so that I wouldn't feel threatened.

I chuckled wryly under my breath. Alice was smart… smarter than I'd given her credit for being. She was also considerate, and she had one of the biggest, purest hearts I'd ever known.

Just to look at her, one wouldn't think that someone as small as Alice would be able to pose much of a threat at all. But then again, Maria certainly wasn't imposing at first glance either… appearances were all too deceiving, however. It hadn't taken me long to realize that size meant nothing.

But in all the months I'd known Alice, I'd never once felt so much as a whisper of aggression from her and no hint of deception. That was unheard of in my experience. And it had quickly become apparent that Alice was unlike anyone I'd ever met before.

As soon as she'd left my side, I'd felt her absence. There was a void in my chest that was almost painful. I felt uncomfortably restless without her… like there was a piece of me that had suddenly gone missing.

I shook my head as I took a moment to consider how different my thinking was now than it had been even a few weeks ago. Once I had let my walls come down, Alice had filled every crevice of my empty heart, just as I'd known she would.

The thought of how reliant I had become on her was still a little unsettling. There was still a cynical part of my mind that wondered how long this would last before I was given reason to regret leaving myself unguarded. It was too late to do anything about that though. I was in too deep now.

The hours passed and darkness began to fall. There was still no sign of Alice. I found myself growing worried. I knew the human world posed no real threat to an immortal, but I knew better than most how many of our kind wandered the earth. What if something had happened to her? Or what if she'd suddenly decided it wasn't worth it and didn't come back at all?

As the sun disappeared and the clouds cleared from the sky showing the full, bright moon, my anxiety grew worse. Different scenarios ran through my mind, all of them tainted by my unease.

I'd never worried about anyone like this before. I'd never cared enough to worry.

As my mind ran rampant in my concern, I was struck with the thought of how barren my life would be without Alice in it. The thought of the endless, empty days without her by my side made me feel suddenly cold.

I'd never needed anyone like this before. I'd never felt this dependent on anyone else. And it worried me.

I didn't like it. I was in way over my head… with no way of escape.

I'd been able to walk away from Maria without a backwards glance. That tie had been easily broken despite the years we'd been together. But by this point, I didn't think I'd be able to walk away again. I'd become tied to Alice in a way I'd never thought I could be bound to anyone.

As if giving proof to that thought, I felt Alice's approach then… before I could see her or hear her, I _felt_ her. There was a tingling, an energy, in my limbs that I'd only ever felt with her, signaling that she was near. Immediately then, I saw her lithe form dancing into view.

To my agitated mind, it was like coming full circle to see history repeating itself. My thoughts were taken back eighty-five years previously, watching the approach of a woman with the appearance of an angel in the moonlight, captivated by her loveliness and graceful movements. Eight and a half decades ago I'd had no idea what I was getting into… I'd been through hell and back since then.

And apparently I'd lost my damn mind along the way.

_What_ was I thinking?

Had I learned nothing the first time?

Had I not learned the devastation that could be brought about by giving anyone that kind of power over me?

Oblivious to my tormented thoughts, Alice danced right up to me, coming to a graceful halt a mere foot away. A smile stretched over her face, her untainted joy at seeing me lighting her features. The tenderly consuming waves of her love wrapped around me like a warm, comforting embrace, quieting my thoughts and easing away my fears with no effort on my part.

Like the morning mist in the presence of the sun, my doubts and fears dissipated until they were no more.

This was _Alice_.

My fears were unwarranted. She'd done nothing to deserve them.

Alice put down the packages in her arms and took both my hands in hers. "Hi," she said, glancing down a little sheepishly.

"Hi, yourself," I said, taking a step closer. "I was beginning to get worried about you."

"I'm sorry," she peered up at me through her impossibly long eyelashes. "I got a little distracted." She wrinkled her nose.

"So I gathered."

"I didn't mean to make you worry, though," There was apology in her voice, but there was an almost wary delight that was there as well. I eyed her, wondering what that was for. "You were concerned about me," Alice said softly in explanation, seeing the question I wanted to ask. "That makes me think that, maybe, you might be starting to care about me, too." She glanced up at me, the hopefulness in her eyes impossible to miss.

I let go of her hands, wrapping my arms slowly around her waist and drawing her closer. _What the hell…_ I was in this deep… I might as well go even deeper.

"I think, maybe, you might be right." I admitted quietly.

I felt Alice's sudden uninhibited burst of joy, and I was unable to help the responding smile that overtook my face. It took so little on my part to make her happy, and I couldn't _not_ be affected by seeing that.

As she stepped nearer, laying her head on my chest, my fears from a moment ago seemed utterly and completely ridiculous. They were like a wraith in the night that had no substance in the light of day.

Alice's arrival in my life had brought about only good things. She was a light that illuminated the darkness of before. She was the hope that made me want to believe that redemption might be possible for me after all.

I had nothing to fear from her… and after everything she'd endured for my sake, she deserved my trust.

Just as I'd noticed before, even though my arms were around Alice, even though she leaned against so trustingly against me, her hands remained safely on my chest. She didn't try to wrap her arms around me… she willingly gave me the upper hand.

I leaned my cheek against her fragrant hair, breathing her in, filling my lungs with her scent. Slowly, I reached for her hands, squeezing them gently in mine, and wound them around my waist… an unspoken gesture of trust on my part.

Alice knew that… just as I'd suspected she had. She stayed perfectly still for a moment, letting me get used to the feeling. It was uncomfortable for me at first, as deeply ingrained in my mind as the consequences of such an action had been. The feeling of being surrounded made my defenses want to kick in… but this wasn't a newborn… this wasn't an enemy… this was Alice.

Slowly, in feather light touches, Alice's fingertips stroked my back as her body rested against mine. She was so close that I could feel her soft curves pressed against me. I could feel the currents of pleasure that lapped at my body from her closeness and her touch. The first stirrings of desire for her were impossible to ignore.

I'd felt desire before, of course, but the tenderness of my feelings now took me by surprise. This was unlike anything I'd felt previously. I hadn't known I was capable of feeling such a warm affection for anyone.

But it would appear that Alice was changing me in ways I'd never dreamed possible.

I was starting to wonder if the visions she'd shared with me were right all along. For the first time, I genuinely hoped so. I wanted to be the man she believed me to be. And, so help me, I was going to try… for Alice.

* * *

**OK, how many of you caught the Eclipse reference in the chapter? (for those of you who have seen the movie, that is!) I just couldn't resist! ;-)**

**Thanks for reading! Please take a second and let me know what you thought!**

**Nik**


	6. Chapter 6

**In writing these stories, I've discovered that there are occasionally chapters that seem to write themselves… that take a turn I hadn't planned on when I started them. This was one of those chapters! Jasper was determined he was gonna do what he wanted at the end here, and I had little choice but to let him. ;-)**

**I will be waiting very anxiously to hear your opinions on this one!**

* * *

_**Show me what it's like  
**__**To be the last one standing.  
**__**Teach me wrong from right,  
**__**And I'll show you what I can be.**_

_**All I need is you.  
**__**Come please, I'm calling.  
**__**And, oh, I scream for you.  
**__**Hurry, I'm falling, I'm falling.**_

_**Say it for me, say it to me,  
**__**And I'll leave this life behind me.  
**__**Say it if it's worth saving me.**_

"_**Savin' Me"  
**__**Nickelback**_

* * *

**Chapter 6**

**Jasper**

.

To my great surprise, after the initial instinct to defend myself had passed, I truly enjoyed holding Alice so closely. She was ecstatic and so content that I couldn't help be affected. It warmed places deep inside my heart – places that had been barred from anyone for long years.

Alice stood very still in my embrace, her cheek pressed against the place where my heart had once beat. Her hands stroked lightly along my spine, sending shards of pleasure shooting through my nerve endings.

Instead of wanting to push her away, to gain distance as I would have before now, I found myself drawing her even closer. She was warm and soft in my arms, and her fragrance hung in the air around me in a heady cloud. She was all but purring as I slid my fingers through her hair, the raven black locks feeling like strands of silk between my fingers.

She sighed happily, nuzzling her cheek against my chest. "I missed you today."

I pulled back slightly, quirking an eyebrow at her in amusement and then glancing pointedly at the sky which was pitch black around the brightly twinkling stars.

Her hands slid back to my chest, her forefinger circling on of the buttons on my shirt. "I told you," she said, her mouth twisted in a little pout, "I got distracted, and I lost track of time."

"I'll say," I teased, a little distracted myself at how invitingly her lower lip pouted out. I had the sudden urge to take that full, pink lip between both of mine. The intensity of that impulsive need to kiss her, to taste her lips, took me by surprise, but I covered it as well as I could. "You were gone for hours. I was starting to think you weren't coming back at all."

Alice rolled her eyes, unaware that there had been an element of truth behind my joking tone. "You didn't really think you could be rid of me that easily, did you? Besides, even while I was gone, I was thinking about you, and I can prove it."

"Oh, really?" I chuckled. "And just how can you prove that?"

"I have something for you," Alice said, her voice betraying a hint of uncertainty at the end. "I don't think you'll be upset with me, but, then again, you haven't exactly been predictable up to now." There was a kind of scolding accusation in her eyes – annoyance because she hadn't been able to see how I would respond in any given situation. I wasn't so sure that was a bad thing, though.

"All right, now I'm worried. What did you do?"

Alice stepped away, and, immediately, my arms felt empty without her. She flitted back to the spot where she'd put down her packages. She picked up one and handed it to me a little hesitantly. Inside, I smelled cotton, and, based on the weight and give of the package, I'd guess it to be clothes.

"You don't have to take them if you don't want to," she said quickly when I didn't respond right away. "I just thought, since what you have is getting a little threadbare, you might want a change. I won't be offended if you don't want them, or if you think I shouldn't have gotten them. I know it was a little presumptuous of me to assume – "

Alice's words started coming quicker, her tone pitching slightly higher in her nervousness. I smiled and placed my forefinger over her lips, quieting her. My hand moved to cup her cheek almost of its own volition. I didn't even try to curb the urge to sweep my thumb over her lip, finding, not to my surprise, that it was every bit as soft as it appeared.

Alice's breath caught in her throat at my caress, her eyes widening in surprise. I watched her eyes darken, her pupils dilating in a sudden wave of desire. And I found I couldn't look away. I was entranced watching the play of emotions in the fathomless golden pools of her eyes.

"Thank you," I said, my own voice sounding slightly husky even to my ears. "That was very thoughtful of you."

"I didn't overstep myself, did I?" She asked, searching my face, her voice unusually raspy as well. "You're not upset?"

"No," I smiled in reassurance, winding my arms around her waist and drawing her near once again. She came willingly, and the smile that lit her face would have been reward enough if I had been doing it simply to please her… but I wasn't.

"I'm not upset… unless," I teased, breaking through this new kind of tension that had developed between us, "you happened to bring me back a pink shirt or something girly like that to get back at me for making your life so difficult the last few months. Then I might be a little upset."

Alice giggled, the airy sound chiming like little bells. She wound her arms around me again, and I was pleased to notice that already it felt more natural… there was only the barest urge to pull away, and that was quickly suppressed.

A smile tugged at her lips, "You mean you wouldn't wear it? Not even for me?" She fluttered her eyelashes, peering up at me with a look that managed to be innocent and utterly beguiling at the same time.

It was so unexpected that I laughed out loud, the sound working its way out of my chest before I had the chance to think about it. "Woman," I said, still chuckling, "I have the feeling that you could be very, very dangerous if you wanted to be."

She didn't respond. Her mouth was slightly agape, her eyes wide with surprise.

"What is it?" I asked, my eyebrows crossing in confusion as I registered her astonishment.

"I've never heard you laugh before," her voice was so low it was almost a whisper. "Not really… not like that."

Her observation sobered me instantly. I tried to remember how long it had been since I'd truly laughed… since I'd felt as lighthearted as I did with her… since I'd felt the freedom to simply _enjoy_.

But I couldn't.

I honestly couldn't remember how long it had been.

"I think I'd forgotten how it felt," I admitted quietly, laying my forehead against hers. "Thank you for that as well… for reminding me."

Alice's eyes softened, the depth of her love shining through. And for once, I didn't try to mask the unfamiliar and consuming emotions that I felt for her. I let her see the tenderness that was so alien to me. I let her see the longing I felt… that longing and desire for her.

I could see it in her eyes when she recognized what was reflected through my gaze. Her hand lifted, tracing softly along the edge of my jaw. Her thumb brushed, light as a whisper, against the corner of my mouth. Even those light touches left trails of warmth against my skin, tingling in a decidedly pleasurable way.

She was so close that I could feel her unsteady breaths feathering against my face. Every breath I took was tinged with her fragrance. It was intoxicating.

With considerable effort, I tore my eyes away from hers, scanning my gaze over her face, taking her in… her big, expressive eyes with their dark, sooty lashes… her pert little nose… her delicate, elfin features. She was so exquisitely beautiful.

Her smooth alabaster skin glowed in the moonlight, inviting my touch. I stroked my fingertips over the satin of her cheek, feeling the thrum of energy that flowed from where my skin touched hers.

It would take nothing to close the space between our lips. And just now, I wanted to. I wanted to give in to this almost overpowering need to take her mouth with mine. And based on the breathless longing I could feel seeping from Alice, I knew she wanted it too.

My hand slid to the back of her neck, cupping it carefully, feeling the fragility even there. She was so tiny, it brought out every protective instinct I possessed. The tenderness of my emotions surprised me. I hadn't thought I could care about anyone this way… but I had been wrong. I had been so wrong.

I felt the shuddering release of Alice's breath pass her parted lips and into my mouth as my nose brushed against hers. My lips hovered over hers… so close I could feel their warmth radiated. I inched closer, drawn irresistibly towards her.

But then a whisper of uncertainty flickered through Alice's emotions. It was barely discernable, but it was still there. And it was enough to make me realize what I was doing.

I hadn't realized I'd been holding my breath until I let it out with a sigh. I lifted my face from hers, tucking her cheek against my chest as we both tried to steady our breathing. She bit down on her lip, her emotions just as conflicted as mine at the moment.

I still wasn't sure what to make of the things I felt for her. I still wasn't entirely sure how to process them. I only knew that I was past the point of trying to deny them. And I wanted her in a way that was almost alarming.

I squeezed her lightly before pulling away. I needed some distance to think, and I had the perfect excuse for that.

"I think I'll go get cleaned up now."

"All right," Alice said, a hint of disappointment passing over her face as I let go of her.

"I'll be back," I promised, using her words from earlier in the day.

A smile flickered over her face then, her teeth a dazzling white behind the lips I'd come so close to claiming a moment ago. "I'll be here," she said, repeating my response verbatim.

Her voice was wistful, sounding almost sad. Without stopping to think, I bent down and brushed my lips over her forehead, lingering there for a split second. These little gestures of affection felt so natural with her… they felt right.

Alice's eyes were closed when I pulled back. I cupped her chin lightly with my fingers, silently urging her to look at me. "Alice?" Her eyes fluttered open. "I missed you today, too." I whispered in quiet confession. Not waiting for her to respond, I brushed a lock of hair behind her ear and turned to leave, giving us both room to think.

I followed the sounds of running water to the river a few miles away. I left the package Alice had brought for me high enough on the bank that it would stay dry and then ventured farther down. I took note of how ragged each article of clothing was as I stripped them off and laid them aside. There were holes along the cuffs of my pants and in the knees. Rips and tears in my shirt that I hadn't paid any attention to before now. I just hadn't cared.

There was a time in my life when I would have been appalled at my filthy appearance. I had once lived a more cultured life. I had been brought up to be a gentleman, and I had looked and acted the part at the time. But that had been in a different life, it seemed.

Vaguely, I recalled wishing for the luxury of a hot bath and the chance to feel clean again during my last days as a human soldier. That was a treat I hadn't been given since I left home, but, oh, I'd dreamed about it.

It struck me as odd how many of my human memories were filtering in since I had met Alice. That was a life I had pushed to the back of my mind since my transformation. It was painful to see just how far I had fallen since then, and I'd avoided those memories at all costs.

I hadn't always been like this. I hadn't always been broken and scarred. At one time, I _had _been an honorable man.

And Alice was slowly bringing that man back to life.

As I watched the dirt wash away from my body in the river's flow, I wished that the filth on the inside could be cleared away so easily. I sank underneath the water, submerging myself and rinsing the leaves, twigs, and dirt from my hair.

When I broke through the surface again, drops of water glistened on my skin in the moonlight, running in uneven streams through the valley of scars. I ran my finger over one, frowning. There were some things that would never wash away.

I turned my arms in the moonlight, for once truly looking at the damage that had been done to my flesh. I could remember the origin of every single scar. I could remember the pain that accompanied them. But I'd avoided thinking too much about how disfigured I'd become. It was just something that had been inevitable in the life I'd lived.

But now, seeing them, it was just one more thing that illuminated how very different Alice and I were.

Alice was an innocent… unmarked… and, quite literally, untouched.

I was not.

Any innocence I might have once had had been shattered lifetimes ago… further widening the chasm between us.

She deserved so much better than me… but, somehow, it was me she wanted… even though it was beyond my comprehension.

I knew I cared for Alice. And when I was being completely honest with myself, I had to admit that I loved her, much as the concept still seemed foreign to me. But where, realistically, was that going to take us in the future?

In my former life, I knew exactly what would have happened. I would have courted her… would have done my best to win her hand and her father's consent. And I would have married her. But nothing was the same now. We weren't bound by human customs… and yet I found myself thinking back to the traditions I'd grown up with.

I'd been brought up to see Alice's kind of innocence as something to be treasured and preserved as a bride's gift to her bridegroom. I'd been raised to treat women with respect – to see it as a man's duty protect and to provide for his… wife.

Husband and wife were not words that I associated with this life we now lived. Mate and partner, yes. But, somehow, that didn't seem to go quite far enough… that didn't fully encompass all the things I was discovering that I wanted with Alice.

Maria and I had been partners… or so I had thought. With my eyes having been opened now, I could see just how warped our relationship had been. Every move on Maria's part had been calculated. Every move she'd ever made had been designed to manipulate… every look, every touch had meant nothing to her except as a means to control.

On some level, I'd recognized that even then. But I'd rationalized it away. That was simply how things were for our kind.

But Alice made me question everything I'd ever thought I'd known.

I climbed out of the river, sitting down on the bank as my thoughts continued to run wild. I found the man I had once been speaking out as my conscience. I had to make up my mind and not keep playing this back and forth game with Alice. I needed to decide what exactly it was that I wanted… what course I wanted to take, and not let my fears regain control. She deserved better than that from me.

I couldn't imagine my life without her now. She filled up all the empty places inside me… she made me feel alive again… almost human. I almost felt like _me_ again.

I glanced up at the sky, and judging by the moon's position, I guessed that I'd been gone about an hour. I needed to get back. As I dressed myself in the clothes Alice had brought back from town, I found I wasn't the slightest bit surprised that they fit perfectly.

I could smell Alice on them, but I could also smell human fragrances lingering in the fabric. My throat burned uncomfortably at the scent. I knew I'd have to feed soon, but I dreaded it. I dreaded tainting my newfound peace with that kind of misery, but it was inescapable… unless…

I could hunt with Alice.

I tried to imagine myself hunting an animal… feeding as she did. Animals avoided us, sensing instinctively that we were predators, so I hadn't been in close proximity to them very often since I had been changed. But the few times I had been, they hadn't smelled the least bit appetizing.

I tried to picture it, but I just couldn't

Alice had said she'd seen me hunting with her, and I didn't doubt that she had. But I also knew her visions hinged on what I decided. I couldn't rule out the possibility – as much as she'd changed me already, I was beginning to believe that nothing was impossible. I just couldn't see it happening yet.

I fastened the last button on my shirt and began heading back in the same direction that I had come. In spite of the uncertainties lingering in my mind, a warmth stole over me at the thought of seeing Alice again, even though it had only been an hour. I'd barely seen her all day, and I'd missed the musical sound of her voice. I'd missed the happiness that she naturally exuded. I'd missed _her_.

Alice was sitting on the grass with her knees drawn to her chest. She looked ethereal, like something out of a dream, with the moon glowing down on her skin. Her face was upturned, gazing at the stars, but she turned towards me when she heard my approach.

I couldn't imagine a time that I'd ever get tired of seeing the joy that spread over her face when she saw me standing there. It felt like the most natural thing in the world to walk over and sit down beside her, enfolding her in my arms. She curled into me with a happy sigh.

As I laid my cheek against her hair, I realized this was what it felt like to come home.

* * *

**Alice**

.

Watching Jasper walk away, I had wanted to kick myself… hard… and repeatedly.

He was going to kiss me. After almost thirty years of dreaming about it, it was finally going to happen. He'd had one arm wrapped around my waist, his other hand cradling my neck, tipping my head back just slightly. His face was so close our noses had been brushing. And even if I hadn't seen it in a vision, his intent had been clearly visible in his eyes. There had been an intensity there that I had never seen before.

Every nerve ending in my body had stood at attention as his lips hovered above mine. I wanted him, I truly did, but for a mere instant, I'd felt a tremor of apprehension. I didn't know what I was doing. I'd never felt this way before. And the intensity in his eyes had been almost unsettling. It was like he was going to consume me.

I knew that was why he pulled away. He'd felt my hesitation, and he'd stopped. In an odd way, though, it was kind of reassuring. I'd felt like I was the one wading in unfamiliar waters this time… the feelings and sensations thrumming through my body had been overwhelming. I'd never dreamed of anything quite like them before. But even as he pulled away and tucked my face against his chest, as irritated as I was with myself for the lost opportunity, I'd felt protected… cared for. He made me feel safe… as always.

As much as my visions proved to be useful sometimes, there were moments when I fervently wished I could turn them off. Seeing Jasper wading into the river was one of those times. I'd felt my body heat in embarrassment, and it made that warm tingling that had built deep in my belly even worse.

I'd tried my hardest to think of something else, to give him privacy, but I kept seeing him waist deep in the water, the moon reflecting on the droplets of water, making them sparkle like diamonds in the night. I'd seen the irregular patterns of the scars that littered his back and his chest, but that hadn't been what captured my attention. My heart still hurt to see them, and I hated the idea of him being in pain, but it was watching the flex and play of his muscles beneath his skin that made it difficult to tear my focus away.

I'd felt the evidence of them before, but seeing him like this and knowing he was so near was something else entirely. I'd felt my whole body flush with heat at the thought of touching his skin and feeling its warmth, of tracing my fingers along the lines and grooves of the muscles in his chest and abdomen… learning him by sight and touch both.

I flopped on my back with a groan, frustrated and flustered at the direction my thoughts had taken. The stars twinkled brightly overhead, and I found myself counting each one just to keep my mind occupied. Even still, I saw when Jasper began heading back this way, and my heart leapt in my chest. I sat up, wrapping my arms around my knees, thrilling at the thought of seeing him again.

His hair was still slightly damp from the river, shining a deep burnished gold as he came into view once again. Without any hesitation whatsoever, he sat down beside me, and both his lips and his eyes were smiling as he wrapped his arms around me. Snuggling into him, breathing him in, I wondered if I would ever get used to this… to how it felt when he held me. I hoped not.

"You looked deep in thought a minute ago," Jasper's deep voice rumbled against my cheek. "What were you thinking about?"

"I wasn't," leaning my head back to look at him. A single, wayward curl fell over his forehead, and I reached up to brush it back, pleased that he didn't seem fazed at all by the gesture. "I was counting the stars."

He laughed, his eyes crinkling. "Oh, really? And just how far did you get?" He asked, stroking my cheek.

I rolled my eyes at his teasing tone, but, inside, I was rejoicing. It was amazing to me how far we'd come in just the last few weeks. He seemed so much more comfortable and _open_ with me now… from his occasional teasing to the casual touches that seemed to come so easily to him. I loved every minute of it.

"Did you know the stars have names?" He asked conversationally a moment later.

"They do?" I'd never heard that before.

He nodded. "Certain stars form shapes as well… constellations, they're called."

I looked up at the twinkling lights, trying to see what he was talking about.

"There," he said, pointing towards a certain spot in the sky, "do you see those three stars? Follow the line they make. They form a handle. And then do you see how those four stars look like a bowl?"

I looked to the place he was pointing, but I still didn't see what he was talking about. "Where?"

"Oh, come on, Alice," humor colored his words, "if you can find shapes in clouds, I know you can find them in the stars too." He shifted so that my back was resting on his chest and placed his head beside mine, temple to temple. "Look," he said, gently turning my head, directing it where he wanted it to go.

He took my hand in his and pointed with both of them. "Those seven stars right there," he traced the shape of them with both our hands. "Do you see the bowl now?"

I nodded. I did kind of see it, but I was finding it hard to form a coherent thought with Jasper so close. I could feel him surrounding me… his body felt like it was wrapped around mine with his left arm draping around my stomach, his chest pressing so closely against my back, and his cheek laying against mine. His body was warm and firm, and his voice sounded deep and silky in my ear.

"That's the Big Dipper," his voice was low and huskier than normal when he spoke. "And if you follow the line of the two stars on the end farthest from the handle," he moved our extended hands in a line, "you'll find Polaris, the north star. No matter where you are, when you face that star you're facing north."

He continued, pointing out the constellations and telling me what they were. He showed me the Big Bear which the big dipper was part of… Ursa Major, he'd called it. He pointed out Orion, the hunter, Leo the lion, and several others.

His words started running together in my mind after a while. I was much too distracted by the rough velvety sound of his voice in my ear to pay proper attention to the words. It didn't matter to me what he was saying as long as I could simply listen to his voice.

Sparks of sensation sang through my body where it was pressed against his. I could feel the rhythm of his breaths becoming as unsteady as mine, so I knew he was as affected as I was. I felt like my body was being stretched by an invisible cord… every muscle felt taut, like it was ready to snap. But at the same time, I wasn't entirely sure my legs would support me if I were to stand right now. My limbs felt weighted and weak at the same time… it felt odd… but far from unpleasant.

My whole body jerked when I felt his lips brush against my ear as he spoke. His voice had become almost gravelly, barely a whisper, but his words came to a stop a stop at my involuntary whimper. "Alice," the sound of my name was a groan like I'd never heard from him before.

He was so close that all I'd have to do was turn my face just slightly and my lips would touch his. Even as his breath fanned against my temple, his right hand released mine, stroking up the length of my arm, leaving trails of fire where he touched me. His hand came to rest against the side of my neck, his thumb tracing along my jaw.

Everything I'd felt earlier was magnified now as I turned to look at him. The fading crimson of his eyes was swallowed in black fire as he gazed at me. The intensity was there in full measure, but there was a tenderness as well even in the midst of it.

I raised my hand to tangle in the curls at the nape of his neck as I tilted my face towards him, telling him wordlessly that I wanted this just as much as he did. He looked deeply into my eyes, searching for something it seemed. As his face inched closer, my eyes fluttered closed. With the first brush of his lips against mine, the embers that had been burning just beneath my skin ignited into flame.

His lips were warm and firm, just like the rest of him, but soft, too, like silk. His touch was gentle, his lips softly molding to mine. But it wasn't enough… I wanted more… I _needed_ more. I just wasn't sure _what_ exactly it was that I needed.

His lips pressed more firmly against mine, and I shifted so that I was facing him fully, bringing my other arm up to wrap around his shoulders, holding him to me. But he wasn't going anywhere. His arm wrapped tightly around my waist, drawing me even nearer.

His lips lifted, hovering over mine as the thumb that had been tracing my jaw moved to my chin. He nudged it slightly, causing my lips to part. Immediately his mouth covered mine again, taking my bottom lip between both of his. He sucked it lightly, and I felt the sensations it caused shooting like lightning through my body. Something warm and wet – his tongue? – teased the inner surface of my lip, and I whimpered again.

The kiss seemed to go on and on as we learned and explored the shape, the feel, the taste of each other's lips. Time ceased to have any meaning. All the years I'd spent dreaming about this moment melted into nothingness. The struggles of the last six months were suddenly a distant memory. Nothing else mattered right now but _us_.

Jasper placed three little pecks on my lips and attempted to pull away, but I wasn't ready for the moment to end. I tightened my hold on him, fisting my hand in his hair and trying to draw him back down. He moaned and his arms tightened convulsively around me.

His mouth crashed against mine, hot and open this time. There was a hunger, an urgency, that hadn't been there the first time. He held me even more securely to him, and I could feel my breasts pressing against the hard planes of his chest. My whole body felt like it was on fire. I couldn't get close enough to Jasper no matter how hard I tried… it wasn't enough. Finally, my head lolled against his shoulder as I just surrendered to the maelstrom of sensations consuming my body.

My breaths were ragged when he finally did pull away, but his were just as uneven. I felt his lips brush against my eyelids, the tip of my nose, and then on both sides of my mouth. He cupped my face in both of his hands, his eyes shining with something that looked an awful lot like love, and pressed his lips gently, sweetly, against mine. It was a tender gesture that I hadn't expected.

He held me wordlessly, stroking his hand through my hair as we both calmed down. Gradually my breathing returned to normal, and the fire dimmed inside.

_I certainly was glad I hadn't known ahead of time…_

"You're glad you didn't know what ahead of time?" Jasper's voice was laced with confusion.

I hadn't even realized I'd spoken out loud until he asked. Apparently his kisses had disrupted even my ability to think. I knew he felt my embarrassment, and I tried to hide my face in his shoulder. He wasn't having that, though. His hand tilted my face back, urging me to look at him, his forehead lined in confusion.

"I'm glad I didn't know how that would feel," I answered quietly, hesitantly. "As much as I'd dreamed about it – as much as I'd longed for it before, I think it would have been a thousand times worse knowing what exactly I was missing."

He smiled, and his lips brushed against my forehead before he tucked my face into the curve of his shoulder again. "You know something?" I hummed against his neck in question. "I didn't know it could feel like that either."

My head shot up at his statement. Now I was the one confused. "But didn't you and Maria…" I couldn't even finish that thought. Just imagining him with her hurt like nothing I'd ever known before. I knew he was more _experienced_ than I was… in everything, not just in that… but still…

A sad sort of smile tugged at his lips. He didn't deny it… I knew he couldn't. I'd never seen actual evidence of it, but there had been indications enough to make me believe that at some point they'd known each other… intimately.

"Everything's different with you, Alice," he said, his finger rubbing lightly against my cheek. "_I'm_ different with you. I don't know how you do it," his eyes were solemn now, "but I'm very glad you refused to give up on me."

I smiled at his admission and lifted up to press my lips against his… just because I could now. "So am I," I whispered kissing him one more time. I settled against him again, leaning my back on his chest as I'd done before. Both of his arms wrapped securely around me, and he leaned his cheek against my hair.

We watched the moon and the stars disappear with the rising of the sun, content just to be together for now. There was a peacefulness between us now… a true contentment that we'd only had a taste of before tonight.

"Alice?" Jasper's voice was unusually hesitant. I saw what he wanted to ask and smiled. Visions filed through my mind one after another… some familiar, some new, but each one thrilling and beautiful. "When you look into our future now, what do you see?"

I knew he was remembering our conversation a few weeks previously. He'd asked me if I saw us together in the future, and the answer had been no at the time. He'd still been too uncertain for me to see anything clearly… but that wasn't the case anymore. Even in his question just now, he'd hadn't asked what I saw in _the_ future or _my_ future… he'd asked about _our_ future.

I laid my hands over his where they rested over my stomach, twining my fingers through his. "I see _us_." I said, simply. "I see us together. I see us happy. Just like it was always supposed to be."

I felt his lips tilt in a smile against my temple. "Alice?" He said again. This time I whirled around to face him, not daring to believe that what I'd seen could possibly be true. My eyes stung unmercifully, and my chest felt constricted, making it difficult to breathe.

His smiled widened, a tender look lighting his eyes. When he spoke, his voice sounded just exactly as it had the first time I'd heard it, before I even woke up… rich and deep and beautiful. There was no hesitation… and no doubt…

"I love you."

.

* * *

**Well, any thoughts on the first kiss? I know I made you wait six chapters for it, so I'm hoping it wasn't a letdown! LOL I wonder if any of you were quite as anxious for that moment as I was!**

**I didn't originally have Jasper telling Alice that he loved her quite this soon, but, like I said, that's just how the chapter ended itself… and I will admit, that part made me cry while I was writing… and editing… yeah…**

**Also this week, I had the pleasure of being interviewed on FFFW's Writer's Spotlight. The link for the interview is on my profile page should any of you be interested in checking it out! I'm eager to hear your thoughts about the chapter, so please take a second and leave me some love! Thanks so much for reading! :-)**

**Nik**


	7. Chapter 7

**The response to the last chapter blew me away! I was so excited to see all of your wonderfully supportive and encouraging reviews. There were thirty-four reviews for the last chapter alone. Now, I'm curious to see if you can beat that for this one. I do accept anonymous reviews, so even if you don't have an account, you can still leave me a little note letting me know what you thought. Each one adds a little fuel to my writing fire. ;-)**

**OK, enough from me… Enjoy the chapter!**

* * *

_This is surrender  
To a war-torn life I've lived.  
Scars and stripes forever  
In need of change I can't resist._

_This long of a struggle  
Finally opened up my eyes.  
Revolution's not easy  
With a Civil War on the inside._

_No need to hide anything anymore._  
_Can't return to who I was before._

_I can finally breathe._  
_Suddenly alive._  
_I can finally move._  
_The world feels revived._

_Anberlin_

"_Breathe"_

* * *

_His smiled widened, a tender look lighting his eyes. When he spoke, his voice sounded just exactly as it had the first time I'd heard it, before I even woke up… rich and deep and beautiful. There was no hesitation… and no doubt…_

"_I love you."_

.

**Chapter 7**

**Jasper**

.

Alice stared unblinkingly at me, her mouth slightly agape. I felt her stunned sense of wonder, almost a disbelief. "Wha – what?" She stuttered.

I smiled, taking her face tenderly between my palms. "I love you," I repeated, a little stunned myself at how easily the words flowed from my tongue. Those were words that I hadn't spoken in eighty-seven years, not since I was a sixteen year old boy leaving home and family for the first time. But they were more true now than they had ever been before.

I _loved_ her… so much that that love filled every empty space inside. She made me whole again.

With a strangled cry of joy, Alice threw her arms around my neck, burying her face in the curve of my shoulder. "I love you… I love you," she whispered over and over, her words muffled against my skin.

I smiled and pressed my lips against her temple, tracing my hand over the length of her back. I hadn't planned on saying those words just yet, and having them out there like that should have probably made me feel very vulnerable, but it didn't. I couldn't possibly regret them when they made Alice so happy… and her happiness was becoming more and more important to me every day.

"You mean that," Alice said, lifting her head, her smile rivaling the sun for brilliance. "You really mean that." She said again as if trying to convince herself – as if she was afraid to believe it.

"I mean that," I confirmed, unable to help smiling simply because she was. But then my expression turned solemn as I caressed the soft skin of her cheek with the back of my finger. "I'm sorry I kept you waiting."

Alice shook her head, taking my hand in hers and placing a kiss to my palm. "It doesn't matter now." She snuggled back into my chest, wrapping my arms around her again. "And you were worth the wait. You were most definitely worth the wait."

As she settled herself in my embrace with a happy sigh once more, I made a promise to myself. N_ever again_. Never again would I be the one to hurt her. No matter what I had to do, I wanted to be the one to make her smile. I never again wanted to make her cry.

She'd altered me so completely in just the six months I'd known her, I almost didn't recognize myself. But they were, without a doubt, good changes… _very_ good changes.

Peace swirled around us in a cloud… the kind of peace I'd only ever felt with her. The restless sense of searching that had driven me for years was nowhere to be found. With her, I was content.

I shifted, feeling Alice's surprise as I lowered myself to lay on my back, bringing her down with me to rest against my side. She propped herself on her elbow after a moment, one arm draped over my chest.

"You're full of the unexpected today," she said, gesturing to my unguarded position. I'd never relaxed my defenses quite this much before, but it seemed silly to hold onto them now. Alice was no threat. She never had been.

"I think you bring out the unexpected in me," I mirrored her smile.

"Is that a good thing?"

"It's a very good thing," I said, framing her face in my hands. "You bring out the best in me."

Her smile, impossibly it seemed, widened still more. Leaning down, she pressed her lips fully against mine. I threaded my fingers into her hair, returning her kiss eagerly. I loved the way her full, soft lips felt moving against mine – I liked it a little too much.

The sweetly sensual movements of her mouth on mine stoked the fires burning inside until I wanted more… much more. I wanted to know if her skin was this soft everywhere else. I wanted to learn the curves and valleys of her body, to trace them and memorize them until I knew her body better than I knew my own. This little taste wasn't enough to satisfy, it was just enough to tease. I wanted everything with her.

I wanted _her_. Badly.

But it was still too soon for that. We weren't ready yet.

I pulled back reluctantly, disengaging my lips from hers. Smiling, I traced the bridge of her nose with my fingertip, trying to mask the desire burning through my veins. She lay down then, her head resting on my shoulder. Her arm stayed draped over my chest, her fingers tracing absently over my collarbone and down the center line of my chest, back and forth in repetitive motions.

I doubted that Alice, in her innocence, had any idea what her touch was doing to me. A happy smile played at her lips as she simply enjoyed this new freedom, this new closeness, that we felt with each other. She couldn't know that the light, almost teasing, movements of her hand were fanning the flames of desire that I was trying so hard to suppress.

Her body was pressed closely against mine as she tried to get as close as she could. Alice had a tiny frame, but she was undeniably all woman as evidenced by the supple curves pressing against me – a sweet kind of torture. I should stop her hand, I knew, but I hated to lose the almost painful pleasure of her touch.

I had been entirely truthful earlier when I said that everything was different with her. The desire I felt for her bore little resemblance to anything I'd ever experienced before. It seemed almost blasphemous to compare what I felt for Alice now to anything I'd ever felt with Maria, and yet I couldn't help it.

The two women couldn't be more different. The emotions and reactions they elicited couldn't possibly be more opposite.

Maria had left me constantly on edge; I had never known what to expect from her, whether hot or cold. Her responses to me were directly correlated to what she wanted. She was just fine ignoring me until she needed something.

Any time we'd come together physically had felt tainted. Sex with her had been savage and raw – two people only taking from each other with little or no true regard for the other. It had been empty, and it had left _me_ feeling empty. There was always a nagging something inside that told me this wasn't how it was supposed to be. Deep inside, I had known something wasn't right… I'd just ignored it. I hadn't believed there was any other way for our kind.

Over several decades, that physical side of our relationship had dwindled and finally died out. I had become a machine programmed for destruction, and I hadn't wanted anyone getting too close – even her… especially her. Maria had never protested that. To her, it had never been about _me_. I knew that now, and on some level, I had known that then. It had only ever been another means to control – only about manipulating to get what she wanted.

That couldn't be further from the truth with Alice. Kissing her, holding her, felt amazingly _right_. There was a purity to her love, a truly genuine quality that went a long way to easing any doubts that might have lingered in my mind. I loved her, and that love was returned in full measure. _This_ was how it was always meant to be.

"Jasper," Alice's soft, tentative voice brought me back to the present. "May I ask you something?"

"Of course," I took her hand in mine, bringing it up to my mouth to kiss each of her fingers.

She tilted her head back, leaning it against my arm that was resting under her neck. She looked at me thoughtfully for the space of a few breaths before she asked, "Have you ever thought about settling down in one place? Making a home somewhere?"

I looked at her, studying her delicate features. "I've never given it much thought before. I've never been able to stay still long enough to actually consider it." I gave in to the urge to bring my hand up to trace the perfect arch of her brows and over her cheekbones to the tip of her nose.

"There was always something restless inside me," I told her, feeling the satin smoothness of her porcelain skin under my fingertips. "I felt like I was looking for something even though I didn't know what it was that I was looking for… yet." I smiled and nuzzled my nose over hers.

"But you don't feel that way anymore?" She smiled, already knowing the answer.

"No. I found exactly what I was looking for. Or, rather, _she_ found _me_."

Alice hid her face in my arm, but I felt the smile that overtook her face and the joy that threatened to burst right out of her body. "I'm glad," she whispered, kissing my sleeve.

"So am I."

"Would you be opposed to trying?" She asked, looking back up at me, referring to her original question.

"I don't suppose I'd be opposed to it, I just don't see how it would work to stay in one place for long."

"It couldn't be permanent, of course," Alice said, propping on her elbow and hovering over me. "But we could find something far enough away from town that we'd be secluded. Don't you think it would be nice to feel just a little bit settled? To have someplace you could call home?"

I frowned as a sudden thought struck me. "You don't remember ever having a home before, do you?"

Alice shook her head, saying nothing.

"All right," I agreed, shrugging. "If that's what you want, I'm willing to give it a try." Alice beamed, lowering her face for another kiss, which I gave readily.

It was almost funny how much my priorities had shifted. All of a sudden it seemed, Alice's needs and wants took precedence over my own. If it was important to her, it was important to me now. I'd give her whatever she wanted because making _her_ happy made _me_ happy. And that kind of selflessness was unheard of in my experience.

"I think there's something else I should probably tell you," Alice's voice was uncertain.

"What?" I asked, curious about what she could be so suddenly reluctant to mention. "There's nothing you can't tell me, Alice," I assured her as I watched the hesitation play across her face.

"Do you remember that night we watched the sunset on the coast, when I mentioned the Cullens?" She finally asked.

"The other animal-drinkers," I clarified.

"We prefer to be called vegetarians," she corrected, though her eyes glowed with momentary humor.

"Of course. I do beg your pardon, Miss Alice." She giggled. "I seem to recall you mentioning something to that effect, yes." I said tongue-in-cheek.

Alice rolled her eyes exaggeratedly at me, but her teasing was quickly replaced by solemnity. She laid her hand on my cheek, looking as deeply into my eyes as she could. "Jasper, even before I woke up, I knew I was meant to be with you. I _knew_ you were the direction my life was supposed to go. Even after I woke, when everything was so new and confusing, that was the one thing I was sure of. It was always you and me together."

I knew my confusion was plainly visible on my face. This wasn't new; she'd told me all of this before. I just wasn't sure yet what she was building up to now.

She continued after a moment. "But, after a while, most of the times when I saw us, we weren't alone. We were with them – with the Cullens… as part of their family." My eyebrows shot up almost to my hairline, and Alice finished quickly before I had a chance to speak. "I knew I had to find you first – you were the most important – but I also knew, at some point, you and I were supposed to be one of them."

I lay there silently, staring at Alice and mulling over what she had said. Her gaze didn't falter, but she didn't say anything else. She was giving me time to process her revelation. I slid my arm out from under her head, disentangling myself from her, and stood up. She sat, wrapping her arms around her knees as I paced.

I crossed my arms over my chest, peering down at her. "It's been six months, Alice. Why are you just now telling me this?"

Alice flinched at the cold displeasure in my tone, but she didn't back down. A determination steeled itself in her eyes, and she stood, mirroring my pose in front of me. As she looked right into my eyes, her voice was far more serious than I was used to hearing from her. "Jasper, when would you have had me bring it up? For what portion of those six months were you actually speaking to me? For how much of that time did you give me the freedom to say anything at all?"

I grimaced – she was right.

"I wanted to tell you," she continued earnestly, "believe me, I did. But this is the first opportunity I've had when I could see you'd even attempt to listen. You wouldn't have before now. Am I wrong?"

I didn't answer, though I knew she was right once again. Instead I deflected her question, asking one of my own. "Is that what you want now? Is that why you were asking about settling down?" The question came out as more of an accusation.

Alice shook her head quickly, "No. That wasn't why. I think you and I have enough to do for right now getting _us_ figured out. I think it would actually be pretty stupid to bring anyone else into the mix at the moment.

"I'm telling you because I don't ever want you to think that I'm keeping things from you... because I think if I'd brought it up a year, or two years from now, you'd have a right to be upset with me for hiding it. And I also know that with your history being what it is you're going to need time just to get used to the idea."

Again, she was right.

I wasn't at all keen on the concept of living with a large group of our kind. Settling down with Alice, having her as my… companion… had taken long enough to get comfortable with. I knew all too well how unstable immortals could be when living in large groupings. It rarely seemed to work. And Alice had said before that there were already five of them. No, that wasn't an idea that I was happy about _at all_. Seven of our kind trying to coexist peacefully together was a disaster waiting to happen.

"Jasper," Alice walked slowly towards me, placing her hand on my crossed arms, and looking straight up into my eyes. "I know you're uncomfortable with the idea, and I know it would take you time to adjust, but I also know that you would eventually be happy with them, just as I will. I've seen it. You will love them, and they will love you. That much I know."

"And what if I'm not willing to turn my life upside down and feed from animals like them? What then?" I asked coldly, the chill giving a bite to my words.

"I know you're not ready right now, but you have been thinking about it. Maybe, given a little more time, you might want to at least try."

"Just because I'm thinking about it doesn't mean I'm willing to commit to it. You're making assumptions now."

Alice sighed heavily, her forehead drawing together in a frown. "That isn't what I said, and you're being difficult on purpose." Her eyes were reproving. "Why are you getting all defensive like this? Jasper, it's me. There's no reason for it."

I didn't answer, my teeth clenched together. A sudden burst of anger from Alice surprised me. I'd never felt that from her before.

Instead of advancing and acting out of aggression as I was used to seeing associated with anger, she stepped back, her eyes flashing. "You're being unfair, Jasper. Name one single demand I've made of you. Name one time that I've manipulated you or tried to deceive you."

I said nothing, watching her face as the anger turned to hurt… and feeling my heart twist as it did. My promise not to hurt her had been shot to hell in a matter of minutes. I felt about two inches high.

"You can't because I haven't." Alice stated, her voice becoming entreating. "I love you, and I would never do anything to deliberately hurt you. There's no reason for you to be fighting me like this because, dammit, Jasper, _I'm not her_."

"I know you're not." I scrubbed a hand over the back of my neck, frustrated and angry with myself. "Believe me, I know that." I reached out a hand towards her, wordlessly asking to take it. She did, still with hurt in her eyes, and let me draw her nearer again.

I wrapped my arms around her, feeling relieved when I felt her arms encircle my waist. "I'm sorry," I whispered into her hair. "Alice, I'm trying. I really am. But I'm still going to make mistakes – and probably a lot of them – just like I did now. I don't know how _not_ to fight. I have to train myself _not_ to go on the defensive like that. It's second nature to me. And that's going to take time."

I took her chin gently between my thumb and forefinger and lifted her face. "But I am truly sorry that I hurt you. And you were right… every word you said. I had no call to react to you the way I did.

"I can't promise that I'll ever be thrilled with the thought of joining another coven that large, but, if that's something you want – if it's that important to you – I will try to be open minded." Alice nodded, saying nothing but seeming to be appeased with that. "Am I forgiven?" I asked, looking into the golden depths of her eyes.

The smile I loved so much tipped the corners of her mouth. "You were before you even asked," she said softly… lovingly. Alice laid her cheek on my chest again as we just stood there in our embrace.

I thought back over our… argument… undoubtedly the strangest dispute I'd ever been involved in. Alice had been angry and irritated, as I had been, but, just as quickly as the storm had come, it had passed… like it had never happened. Alice didn't seem like the type to hold a grudge, so I highly doubted that she would bring my idiotic behavior up again.

And, oddly enough, it was reassuring to see how she reacted in an argument. She'd been angry and frustrated, but there had been no hint of aggression. And, though she didn't even come close to resorting to anything underhanded or nasty, she'd held her own, standing up to me and calling me out where I was wrong. She hadn't done that before. She'd been very careful with what she said, careful not to antagonize me from the very start. This almost seemed like a marker of our progress. She wasn't treading so cautiously anymore – she was treating me as a partner, a companion… as an equal. And I liked that.

"What are you smiling about?" Alice asked, quirking one eyebrow.

"Three months ago, if this had happened, you would have tucked your tail like a scared little rabbit," I said, kissing the tip of her nose.

"There wasn't any tail tucking today, was there?" Alice chuckled.

"Not a bit." I said proudly.

"But I still don't like it when you're angry with me," she admitted quietly. "It makes me feel very… unsettled," she said with a sigh.

"You must feel a little more secure, though, about us."

"I do," she nodded. "Everything's fallen right back in place. Back where it's supposed to be. I don't feel like I have to worry about you deciding you don't want me with you anymore."

"That's not going to happen," I promised, wrapping my arms tighter around her. "I know I still act like an idiot sometimes, but I can't go back, Alice." I whispered, brushing my lips over her forehead. "I can't go back to who I was before I met you. And my future would be awfully dark without you in it."

Alice's happiness washed over me, her contentment joining with mine. Sometimes my progress was slow. Sometimes it felt like I was taking little baby steps instead of the leaps and bounds I would have liked. But, for the first time in my immortal existence, I felt like I was finally on the right path.

Like Alice had said, everything was falling into place… one little step at a time.

.

**Alice**

.

Hand in hand, Jasper and I made our way to Montana, which was where I had seen us settling down. The state had a wide variety of wildlife for me – and for him if he ever decided to hunt with me – and it was sparsely populated enough that we wouldn't have to worry about anyone stumbling on us.

I'd already seen the house – if it could still be called that in its state of disrepair. It looked like it had been abandoned years ago, but, most importantly, it was at least eighty miles from any other settlement in any direction. That wouldn't exactly make it convenient for Jasper to hunt, but I didn't think we could risk getting any closer. And I was still holding out hope that he would stop hunting humans soon. I wasn't going to say anything else to him about it, though.

We parted ways just on the outskirts of a town for both of us to feed. As I ran into the forest, pursuing my own prey, I couldn't help watching him. I dreaded the aftermath of his hunt this time more than ever before. I'd enjoyed seeing him smile and hearing his laughter this week. He'd seemed happy for the first time since I'd known him, but that was about to change.

I diverted my attention when he actually fed – I didn't want to tempt myself that much – but he flickered back into my sight as soon as he was done. The dark circles under his eyes were gone, and his irises glowed a bright, iridescent crimson in the night. But, even still, it looked like he was the one who'd had his life drained away. His eyes looked vacant, his face tortured.

His shoulders were stooped, like he was carrying a heavy burden, as he made his way back to me. I'd perched on a fallen tree trunk waiting for him. His steps were slow as he came closer. I held out my arms to him, and he came to me without hesitation, laying his head in the curve of my neck and wrapping his arms tightly around me, seeking comfort.

I sifted my fingers through his hair, hating to see him like this. I didn't say anything… I just held him. It wouldn't do any good to pressure him, and I never wanted him to think that my love was conditional on anything. Making that change had to be his idea – because it was what he wanted, not because it was what I wanted for him. I knew it wasn't going to be easy for him. I'd seen that in painfully clear detail.

Eventually, we were on our way again to find the house. Jasper's face, when he saw it the first time, was priceless. He grimaced, his upper lip curled back in distaste.

"_This_ is it?" He asked, glancing at me and then back at the ramshackle little house.

"What's wrong with it?" I asked innocently, biting back a laugh at the expression on his face.

"What's wrong with it?" He glanced at me, incredulous. "Alice, did you look at this place? I'm surprised it's even still standing."

"It's nothing that can't be fixed," I assured him.

"I'm not so sure about that," his eyes were skeptical.

"And besides that, there's something else you should see." I took his hand and led him around back. "Look," I gestured at the view.

There was a clear stream running behind the house, the surface glistening like diamonds in the afternoon sunlight. The house was surrounded by clusters of trees, adding to the seclusion. And in the background, the mountains stretched towards the sky, their tips painted white with snow even in September.

I took a step back, leaning against Jasper's chest and winding his arms around my waist. "You and I can fix the house," I told him. "But we can't recreate that view anywhere else."

I felt him drop a kiss on the top of my head. "This is what you want?" I nodded at his question. "Then I guess it's what you're going to get. I'm learning that it's usually pointless to argue with you anyway." His voice turned wry, "Somehow you always manage to get your way."

I elbowed him in the ribs for that comment, but he just laughed and turned me around, kissing me with smiling lips.

"We have our work cut out for us," he said, keeping his arm around my shoulder as he turned back around to survey the house again. "This thing looks like a good stiff breeze could blow it over."

"It's not _that_ bad."

Jasper let go of me and shimmied up the side of the house to the roof. He snorted when he got up there. "Huh, imagine that. A rotted roof," he said, tossing a few loose shingles down to the ground and jumping back down to land beside me.

"Ever roofed a house before?" I asked with a grin, ducking under his arm again.

"Nope," he shook his head. "This will be a first. You?"

"Afraid not. Sorry." I laughed. "But it can't be that hard to figure out. I mean, if a human can do it, it should be easy for us, right?"

"I think we're going to find out," he muttered. "Do we dare go inside?" He asked with one eyebrow raised as he gestured to the house.

I rolled my eyes and pushed open the door. Every flat surface was covered in a thick layer of dust, and cobwebs hung in every corner. Dust motes danced in the air as we breathed, illuminated by the light managing to filter in through the filthy windows.

There was a living room with a fireplace, a kitchen, and two small bedrooms on the main floor, and a rickety staircase that led to a loft. Most of the furniture was still here, though certainly looking much worse for wear. Table and chairs were still in the kitchen, a rocking chair and a sofa still occupied the sitting room, and the bedrooms still had beds and dressers. It looked like whoever had lived here had packed up whatever was easily moveable and left everything else behind.

It took some convincing, but I finally persuaded Jasper that it was safest and easiest for me to make the trip to the nearest town to pick up what supplies we needed. He wasn't enthusiastic about letting me go alone, but he eventually agreed to it. I wouldn't say anything to him, but I thought it was kind of funny that he was becoming so protective. After all, I'd existed without him for almost thirty years, and I'd managed to keep myself in one piece. I was glad for that protectiveness, though. It was just more proof that he was coming to love me as much as I loved him.

By the time I got back, he had the shingles all stripped off from the roof and lying in a neat pile on the ground. He leapt down when he saw me approaching, a warm smile spreading over his face. As soon as I laid my packages down, I found myself scooped up in his arms.

"Welcome back," he said, tilting my face back for a kiss. It started off just a quick brushing of lips, but after having been separated for several hours, it quickly escalated into the kind of soul searing kiss that I felt all the way to my toes. I felt the tip of his tongue trace the surface of my lower lip, and, acting on instinct, I brought my tongue out to tease his.

A rush of heat shot to my belly as his tongue curled around mine, teasing it, stroking it, and finally drawing it into the heat of his mouth. His head tilted as he moved to get a better angle, allowing him to deepen the kiss even further. My legs went weak as I felt the drawing sensation as he sucked and nibbled on my tongue. I was grateful for his arms wrapped around me – I almost feared I'd fall over without them supporting me.

His hands wandered over my back, stroking from my shoulder blades down my spine to my waist. His left hand stopped, curving into the dip at the small of my back and drawing my hips closer to his. His right hand continued back up the line of my spinal column. When the heel of his hand brushed against the side of my breast, I whimpered into his mouth, unable to help the plaintive sound.

His hand anchored itself in the hair at the nape of my neck as his mouth devoured mine hungrily. I fisted my hands into his shirt, trying to draw him even closer. I was pressed against him from shoulders to hips, but it still wasn't close enough. The heat of his body surrounded me – solid and strong and masculine. His scent filled my lungs; his taste filled my mouth. My body felt like it was burning, like it was being consumed, but I never wanted that burning to stop.

Jasper's arms tightened convulsively around me just before he released my mouth with a groan.

"Don't you dare apologize," I said, my voice raspy, before he could say what he was planning.

"I got a little carried away," he winced sheepishly, loosening his hold on me to allow a more respectable distance between our bodies.

"You have my permission to get carried away anytime you'd like," I teased, winding my arms around his neck and tangling them in his curls, still a little breathless. "As a matter of fact, I was thinking that if this is the kind of welcome I get, I may have to leave more often."

He snorted and pressed three quick kisses on my forehead, my nose and my chin. "Very funny." There was a tenderness in his eyes as he pulled away. "You know I love you, right?"

"Yes," I nodded, smiling at the heartfelt sincerity in his voice. "I know." I didn't think I'd ever tire of hearing him say that. It was like having all of my dreams come true at once.

"So, what's the verdict?" I asked, nodding to the house, trying to distract myself from the desire that was still singing through my veins.

He took a step back, still keeping his arm around my shoulders, holding me to him. "Surprisingly enough, the structure is pretty sound. Once we get a new roof on, the rest should be just a matter of cleaning and sprucing things up – mostly cosmetic repairs. Still a lot of work, but not quite as bad as I was expecting."

I fought to hide my grin, but I couldn't quite mask my victorious amusement at his admission.

"Oh, stop it," he said. I laughed and danced out of his grasp, catching his wrists in my hands before he could poke me in the sides as I'd seen him trying to do. I knew there was no way I could hold him if he didn't want to be held. He could break away from my grasp effortlessly if he wanted to, but he didn't try. His eyes sparkled with wicked amusement, and one eyebrow raised in challenge.

"Say it," I teased, laughing and tightening my grip on his wrists, challenging him right back. "I was right, wasn't I?"

"It's a weather beaten old dump," he said emphatically, "and it's more trouble than it's worth. It's broken and falling down, and it would probably be much easier to just put it out of its misery." He twisted his wrists effortlessly out of my hold and, with a grin, had his arms wrapped around my waist before I could move, pressing his lips gently to the hollow of my throat.

"But you have a particular gift for taking what's broken and breathing new life into it. You look at those broken pieces and see something of value… something worth saving." The teasing faded completely from his eyes, replaced with a burning sincerity. "And, darlin, that's something I'll spend the rest of my life being grateful for. I don't know where I'd be without that."

I bit my lip, hiding my face in his chest, a little overwhelmed at the feeling behind his words. But a part of my mind couldn't help noticing what he'd called me. I wondered if he was aware that he'd used the new term of endearment – he'd called me darlin… not little one, not Alice. _Darlin_. Hearing that, spoken with the thick drawl of his Texas accent, felt like an embrace – warm, intimate, thrilling and comforting all at once.

"All right," he said softly, kissing the top of my head. "Let's get started on that house, huh?"

I nodded, taking the hand he held out to me when he pulled back. And, side by side, we set to work making this time-worn little house into our home.

* * *

**Proving that I have no resistance to peer pressure, I am now on Twitter as of this week. You can find me as AnEnduringHope if you care to follow. :-)**

**Thanks for reading! And please don't forget to leave me some lovin' on the review page… I love hearing from you! **

**Nik**


	8. Chapter 8

**So sorry about the wait on this one! It took me a while to get this chapter to the point where I was happy with it. I'm in hopes that you'll think it was worth the wait. *fingers crossed***

**Just a couple of things real quick before we get started… I want to thank each of you again for the continual support you've given. All of you with your lovely reviews have made the writing and sharing of this such a wonderful experience, and I truly do appreciate you.**

**Second, ****I wanted to let you all know that my stories and I have been nominated for several different categories in the Glove Awards… I'm up for Best Author. **_**Journey Through the Flames**_**, **_**Trial by Fire**_**, and **_**Awake and Alive**_** are up for Best Jasper. And **_**Awake and Alive**_** has been nominated for Best Alice and also for Best Title. If you should care to vote, the link can be found on my page. Voting continues until August 13. I'm thrilled to have been nominated, and I'd love to have your vote should you be so inclined. :-)**

**And last, please do keep in mind that the views and opinions expressed in this chapter are not my own, but what I consider to be most in character for the subjects we're dealing with. I don't *think* I said anything too controversial here, I just wanted to cover my back just in case. ;-)**

**OK, enough from me… on with the show!**

* * *

_Just one more moment,  
That's all that's needed,  
Like wounded soldiers,  
In need of healing…_

_Everyday I spent away,  
My souls inside out.  
Gotta be some way  
That I can make it up  
To you now, somehow._

_By now you know that_  
_I'd come for you,_  
_No one but you._  
_Yes, I'd come for you,_  
_But only if you told me to._  
_I'd fight for you,_  
_I'd lie its true,_  
_Give my life for you._  
_You know I'd always come for you._

_I'd Come For You_

_Nickelback_

**

* * *

**

Chapter 8

**Alice**

.

Jasper and I scoured every surface in that house over the next several days, cleaning both inside and out. For all his playful griping about its state of disrepair, he took to the task of fixing it up like he'd been doing it all his life. The new roof went on without a hitch, and the little house took shape a little more each day.

We worked side by side most of the time, and conversation flowed easily between us. Sometimes we spoke about our memories – I told him about some of the things I'd seen, some of the places I'd been before I found him, and he told me some of the little things he remembered from being human and about the war.

That was one of the moments when I was struck by how much of his life he'd lived before I'd even existed. I'd always known that, of course, but it was a little bit strange to be listening to firsthand accounts of things that had happened more than a half century before I'd ever been born.

I was able to confide easily in him, knowing that he cared about even the little things and that he was really listening to me. And he, in return, did the same. He told me about the hopes and dreams he'd had before his life was, essentially, stolen from him. He'd told me about the fears that had plagued him as a young soldier, the burden of responsibility he'd felt as an officer.

With each new bit of his history that he imparted, I felt more and more like I was uncovering new facets in this man that I loved. He was letting me in, letting me see how his mind worked, the things that were and are important to him. He was revealing to me things that he'd never let anyone else close enough to see before. And I loved him for it. It was just one more thing that proved how far we'd come.

I noticed that there was a marked difference in Jasper now. We'd attained a comfort with each other that wasn't there before. I realized suddenly one afternoon, that this was what I had always seen – this easy familiarity that flowed between us now, his ready smile that came so frequently, the deep bass sound of his laughter that thrilled me to my very bones, and the tender adoration in his eyes when he looked at me.

_This_ was what I had been waiting for all along.

Everything was just as I'd always imagined it would be between us… except for one thing…

Though we'd been working in close quarters, there had been very little physical contact. There hadn't been any more hungry, soul-searing kisses since that afternoon a week ago… but it was still very much on my mind, just as I knew it was on his.

He was incredibly distracting to me… whether he was on top of the house, patching up the roof with the sunlight glinting off his golden curls, or in the front yard, as he was now, sanding and refinishing the furniture from the sitting room, sleeves rolled up exposing his forearms, my eyes were unfailingly drawn to him. He was breathtaking.

I was in the bedroom, supposed to be making up the bed with the new sheets I'd sewn, but I couldn't tear myself away from the window to do so. The sun was shining brightly this morning, the light reflecting from Jasper's skin, shimmering like thousands of little diamonds embedded in his exposed skin. I was fascinated watching the rippling of the muscles in his arms, the straining of his shirt over his broad shoulders and the muscles in his back.

His hands moved with surety as he restored the wood furniture. There was an air of calm capability about him that was growing more evident as he came to be more comfortable… and that was almost as distracting as the bold, confident movements of his hands.

I'd always been fascinated with Jasper's hands, and, now that I'd had even a small taste of the things he could make me feel with them, I was doubly fascinated… and I wanted to know more… I wanted to know how it would feel having his hands working over my body with the same careful attention he was giving to that chair. Just the thought alone was enough to make my body feel flushed and needy.

Jasper's brow quirked, his head turning to look right at the window where I was standing. One corner of his mouth twisted in a roguish grin as he registered the desire that had been awakened inside me again. His eyelid drooped in a lazy wink, letting me know that he was entirely aware of what I was feeling.

I whipped the curtain shut, blocking his view and grinning at the deep timbre of his laugh that reverberated outside. I would have been mortified to be caught blatantly ogling him like that if I hadn't known that the desire was most definitely not one-sided – I'd seen him doing the same to me on many different occasions lately. I'd feel the heat of his gaze like a physical caress, leaving a tingling behind in its wake. There would be a fire smoldering in his eyes, but he didn't act on it… not yet anyway.

I was fairly certain, though, that we were getting closer to the "more" that I so deeply wanted. There was an ever-increasing emotional intimacy as we continued to talk and bare more of our hearts to the other, but, for the moment, we'd been focusing on the past and the present, not so much the future yet. We'd been taking each day as it came… we hadn't actually discussed where we were going to be years from now… or what kind of relationship we'd have.

And yet, with each passing day, I'd noticed a shifting in my visions – the emotional closeness was obvious even in those visions… but so was the physical closeness. It was evident in little things like the casual way he'd place his hand low on my hip as he'd reach past me for something, or the way his arms would wind around my waist as he stood behind me, his lips nuzzling the skin at the nape of my neck.

But more and more often lately, I'd been getting flashes of visions that left me feeling flustered and warm, aching with a need that I was just beginning to discover… visions of bodies straining together, limbs intertwined, and skin touching skin.

I was equally fascinated and embarrassed by those visions now. Though, the first time I'd ever seen a vision of that kind, I'd been actually a little frightened. It had been years before I'd ever found Jasper, and I'd had only a flickering image that passed almost as soon as it appeared…

He'd been hovering above me, his lower body pressed closely against mine. The look in his eyes had been primal and fierce, like he wanted to consume me. My head had been thrown back, my body arching towards him, though the look on my face I hadn't been able to decipher then… it had been intense, almost pained, I'd thought. I had a better idea now what it meant… not pain, but pleasure.

Through the little snippets I'd seen since then, I'd been, more or less, able to piece together what exactly physical intimacy entailed. And I'd experienced in a small degree the pleasure that could be had from his touch… his kiss. The things he'd made me feel already had surpassed anything I'd ever been able to imagine, and as wonderful as it had been up to now, I could only imagine how much more so it would be when those visions became reality.

As my hands smoothed the sheets over the bed, tucking them into the mattress and plumping the pillows at the headboard, I couldn't help the fluttering in my stomach, like little butterflies trying to escape. Since it was impossible for us to sleep, there was only one other reason for us, as immortals, to own a bed… there was really only one other purpose it could serve. The visions of us together _like that_ were becoming more defined and more frequent, but it was still difficult to tell how far distant in the future it would be before they became anything other than pictures inside my head.

I couldn't stop myself from imagining, though, how it would feel to have him lay me down on this bed… how it would feel to have him lay beside me and teach me about things I'd only been able to dream about before.

Shortly after I finished making up the bed, I heard the creak of the hinges as Jasper came in the front door. He smiled when he saw me walk out of the bedroom, reaching out a hand to draw me close and pressing a kiss on the top of my head. Like the gentleman he was proving to be, he said nothing about our silent exchange from a few minutes ago… or the longing that was still humming through my body.

"It's really taking shape in here," he said, surveying the progress we'd made. We'd worked almost nonstop over the last week, both day and night, and it showed. The house was beginning to look very homey.

"Thank you," I said, winding my arms around his waist and subtly breathing in his scent. The fabric of his shirt was still warm from the sun as I rubbed my cheek against his chest.

"For what?" He asked, glancing down at me in confusion.

"For humoring me with all of this. I know you weren't particularly crazy about the idea, but I'm grateful for your help."

He shrugged, bending to kiss my temple. "I didn't mind it," he said. "Actually, I'll admit that I've enjoyed it."

"Really?" I asked, surprised. He hadn't complained, but I'd assumed he was just trying to make me happy. I hadn't considered that he'd be getting anything out of it himself.

"Yes," he said sincerely "It's nice to feel like I'm doing something constructive… building up instead of tearing down." He smiled a bit self-deprecatingly, "For once, I like being able to feel proud about what I've accomplished at the end of the day. I've missed that."

I tightened my hold on him, kissing the place right over his heart as he continued. "And I'm impressed," he said, gesturing around the room. "You've really made this place look warm and inviting. You're quite the little domestic," he teased, tipping my face back for a kiss.

I laughed against his mouth as he pulled back. "I guess I've picked up a few things from watching Esme. She's a master at all the little touches that turn a house into a home."

"Esme?" He asked, his forehead wrinkled in confusion. "Who's that?"

"Esme Cullen," I told him.

"Oh," he grunted, wordlessly.

I giggled at his expression. True to his word, he was endeavoring to keep an open mind, though I knew it didn't come easy to him. But, as much as he'd changed in just the last six months, I wasn't at all worried about the future. It would happen when it was meant to.

"I'll remind you about this someday," I teased, reaching up to stroke his cheek, "when we've settled in with the Cullens. And you'll wonder then why you resisted as long as you did."

"I'm sure you will," he rolled his eyes, though the smile pulling at his lips belied his feigned exasperation. "And I'm sure you'll take great pleasure in saying 'I told you so.'" He tapped the tip of my nose with his finger.

That afternoon, we spent several hours cleaning out the loft area. Whoever had last lived here had left several crates of belongings behind. Little of it was worth keeping, but there was one crate that was filled almost to the brim with books, weathered newspapers, and other publications all dating prior to the year 1880. That didn't necessarily tell us anything about the age of the house itself, but we couldn't help but speculate.

"They're almost as old as you," I teased Jasper as he fingered the spines of the books, a faraway look in his eyes.

"Archaic," he said, a ghost of a smile teasing his lips. He lifted the books out of the box one at a time, flipping carefully through the yellowed pages.

"Did you ever read any of these?"

"A few, I think. Not many of these titles look familiar. I always loved to read, though." A warm smile of remembrance lit his eyes, but it quickly faded. "I don't think I've touched an actual book since I was human." I pressed my lips lovingly against his shoulder as his gaze clouded over with his memories. His eyes came back to mine eventually, and he smiled tenderly.

The only other thing of any interest that we found was a chess set – or rather, I didn't particularly see the interest, but Jasper's eyes had been bright with excitement. He carried it downstairs when we finished, settling on the floor to clean it up.

"What do you do with all these pieces?" I asked, picking one of them up and studying it curiously.

"It's a game," he chuckled at my confused expression. "It never failed, during the war whenever we'd camp somewhere, someone would whip out a chess board. You could just about find a game going at any point when we'd be stopped. It was a good way to pass the time."

"What are the pieces for? What do they do?" I asked, still not understanding the appeal.

"I'll teach you," he promised as I handed back the piece I'd been turning over in my palm.

As he worked, he told me stories of some of the ways they'd passed their time as young soldiers – games they'd played, pranks they'd pulled, some funny, some just plain childish, and more than a few dangerous.

Always when he talked about his time in the army, there was a pride that colored his voice, a subtle difference in the way he spoke and how he held himself. While he talked, I wandered back to the shelf where we'd placed my journals and grabbed the last one and one of the pencils I'd always carried in my satchel.

Settling down on the floor across from Jasper, I flipped open to one of the few empty pages left and let my pencil trace over the page, sketching the outline of my Confederate Major in his uniform, drawing it the way that he had described to me. As with all the other pictures, this one came together with little conscious thought on my part, I simply watched it take shape under my hand – Jasper sitting tall and proud in the saddle.

There was something about him, a power and a confidence that was visible on his face, just as I'd heard in his voice. But still something didn't seem quite right… something seemed… _off_. I just couldn't put my finger on what it was.

"You're going to burn a hole in that paper if you glare at it much longer," Jasper said, chuckling. I looked up to see his eyes dancing in amusement. "Are you going to show me what you're working on?" he asked in genuine curiosity.

I stood and crossed the room, settling under the arm he wrapped around my shoulders, and offered him the book. As he took it, the afternoon sun glinted off his hand, sending the raised flesh of his crescent-shaped scars into relief.

_That_ was what was missing in the picture.

His scars didn't stand out to me anymore… they were just _there_… a part of him just like his honey blonde curls or the straight line of his nose… no more distinctive than any of his other features. But he didn't look like my Jasper without them.

He studied the picture thoughtfully, his fingertip tracing absently over the page. I couldn't quite read the emotions filtering through his eyes, and I wondered if he was thinking about what could have been. It was almost foreign to me to consider that he'd had a human life… a human future ahead of him.

I didn't like thinking about the fact that if _that woman_ hadn't found him, he would have lived out the rest of his life as a human, quite possibly dying before I'd even been born. I hated Maria with every fiber of my being, and knowing I owed her for the immortal existence of the man I loved more than my own life was absolutely galling.

Considering how quickly Jasper had risen through the ranks, it was more than likely that his future would have been bright… there was no knowing how far he could have gone if given the chance.

"What are you thinking about?" He asked quietly, drawing me from my thoughts.

"Did you ever think about what you would have done after the war if you hadn't…" My voice trailed off, knowing that he knew exactly what I was asking.

He shook his head. "Not really. During the war I was too focused on the moment to even think about that. Anything else almost seemed like a different lifetime… almost a whole different world. And then after… well, it never paid to consider what might have been."

I took his hand in mine, toying with his fingers, avoiding his eyes. "Do you ever regret that you enlisted?" I asked, knowing that his life would have had a vastly different outcome if he hadn't.

"No," he said with no hesitation. "I don't regret that." His mouth opened and closed several times as he searched for the words to explain his choice.

"Alice, there's always going to be debate about the war… about why we were fighting and what we were fighting for. Both sides had ideals that they strived towards – the North for the preservation of the Union, and those of us in the South for the sovereignty of each individual state… for the idea that too much power in the hands of the government can be a dangerous thing.

"We would have told you that we were fighting a war not unlike the first Revolutionary War. In our minds, we were defending ourselves against those who would invade our lands. In our minds, _we_ were fighting to preserve, and _they_ were fighting to take. They were fighting for an ideal… we were fighting for something real and tangible… for our homes and our families.

"There were good men on both sides that believed with all their hearts for the cause they were sacrificing for… we poured out our blood, sweat, and our tears. And we were all willing to lay down our lives if we should be called upon to do so.

"I've lived long enough now to know that rarely in a conflict is one side entirely right, and one side entirely wrong. Our perceptions are colored by so many different things – our upbringings, our beliefs, our cultures. And that influences the way we perceive the world around us. Both sides were convinced of their own justification… but neither one could be wholly right. Neither side was blameless.

"But, Alice, that was the last time in my life I could ever say that I was fighting for a cause that I truly believed in. Whether I was right or whether I was wrong, _that_ is something I will never apologize for."

Jasper's eyes were fierce, alight with the same passion that colored his voice. I realized, as I took in the fervor with which he'd spoken, that, once again, I was seeing a facet of him that I'd never truly witnessed before… the depth with which he'd believed his convictions, the patriot he'd been at one time. It was just one more element that made him the man he was today… the man that no one else truly knew.

Jasper ducked his head as my silence stretched on, a smile of self-reproach toying at his lips. "I think I gave you a little more than you bargained for just now, didn't I?"

"I'm glad you did," I said honestly, grateful that he'd bared his heart that much to me. "You're pretty incredible, you know," I told him bluntly.

He laughed, but I would have sworn that the sound was more embarrassed than amused at my frank statement. "I'm not," he said, "but thank you for saying that anyway."

"Well, you may not think so, but I do. So, I'm afraid you'll just have to live with it." I said brightly, smiling to lighten the mood.

He glanced at the floor, still smiling wryly, and then back up at me. "I love you," he said fervently.

"Now," he sighed deeply, shaking off the heaviness of our conversation and diverting to our previous topic, "are you ready to learn how to play chess?"

We spent the next few hours sprawled out on the floor at opposite ends of the chess board as he explained the intricacies of the game. He was a master of strategy, having employed it on the battlefield for so many years, and it showed in the way he played. He beat me the first three games as I learned the rules and how various pieces could move.

By the fourth game, I was able to anticipate his moves and act preemptively to block him. I watched his consternation etch a crease in his forehead as he had to adjust his maneuvers according to mine.

Halfway through the game, realization dawned on his face. "Alice," he said reprovingly.

"What?" I asked, glancing up from where I had been planning my next move.

"You. Cheat." His eyes were wide, though his laughter took the sting from his words. "You little brat."

"I do not," I protested. "It's not like I can help seeing what you're planning."

"That doesn't matter," he said, sudden mischief lighting his eyes. "You still cheat."

I saw him spring at me just a fraction of a second before he did, and I scrambled out of his reach with a squeal. "I don't cheat," I said, breathless with laughter, as I moved to put the kitchen table between us, watching his slow, stealthy movements as he stalked towards me.

I moved to one side of the table, but he was there blocking my path as soon as I did. And then again with the other side. "Now what?" He laughed as he watched my eyes dance back and forth, trying to decide what my best move would be. I was trapped. Either way, his body blocked my escape, but I wasn't willing to concede this game just yet.

Hurling myself to the left, I ducked under his arm as he reached to grab me, racing out the back door. I squealed when I realized that he was right at my heels, intent on this game of pursuit. I darted towards the trees, grabbing a branch and swinging myself up. Immediately, when he lifted himself up to follow me, I leapt down into the stream, cupping water in my hands and splashing it directly into his face. It was all I could do not to double over laughing at his shocked expression.

He jumped down and reached in the stream to splash me in return, but, of course, I saw it coming and avoided it easily, taking advantage of his stooped position and leaping onto his back. It surprised him just enough for me to knock him off balance, soaking him in the water before he could regain his footing.

"Oh, Alice," he said, mischief glinting evilly in his eyes as he stepped out of the water. "You'll regret that, darlin."

"You'll have to catch me first," I taunted him.

"I intend to," he informed me, his voice silky and low, and all the more threatening because of it. Despite the fact that he was soaking wet, his movements were that of a hunter confident that his prey was within his grasp. They evidenced a lithe, predatory grace that shot frissons of excitement skittering through my limbs.

As our game of chase continued, the atmosphere around us shifted, crackling with sparks of anticipation. He was a predator, and I was his prey. He was _going_ to catch me eventually… he knew he was… I knew he was… and I knew I wanted him to. Even though I ran, I wasn't trying to get away. Each step I took only heightened the need that was weighing down my limbs.

My lungs sucked in unnecessary oxygen as my breathing raced in excitement, my arms and legs succumbing to that heavy, weak feeling that I was coming to identify as desire. Arousal bloomed deep inside, unfurling rapidly as Jasper's footsteps came closer behind me, and exploding in little shocks of pleasure that coursed through my body as his arm snaked around my waist, making it impossible to run any farther.

He reeled me in against his chest, his arm like an unbreakable iron band holding me in place. I couldn't escape from him if I wanted to now. I was at his mercy, and that vulnerability, while it probably should have worried me a little, did no such thing. My entire body ached with a yearning, a wanting, that I didn't know quite how to satisfy.

The dampness of his shirt soaked through the back of my dress as he turned his body, positioning us so that he took the force of the fall. He rolled, then, so that his body pinned mine, now soaking my bodice as well.

The playfulness in his eyes faded, and a low growl rumbled in his chest as he absorbed the rampant desire coursing through my veins. The crimson of his eyes was a thin band almost completely swallowed by the molten black fire of his pupils as he devoured me with his gaze.

I could feel the weight of his body pressing against the entire length of mine, crushing my breasts, which felt swollen and heavy with need, against the hard planes of his chest. But even that contact, while thrilling, wasn't enough. I needed more.

"Jasper, please." My voice was raspy and breathless as I pleaded for something… though I wasn't entirely sure what it was that I was asking for.

But he knew.

As soon as the plea left my lips, his head swooped down, his lips taking mine in a fierce, unrestrained kiss. This wasn't like the sweet, tentative kisses we'd shared before, this one was a claiming… he was claiming what was rightfully his. There was an edge to the way his mouth consumed mine that I hadn't experienced before… and it made my whole body feel as if it was erupting in flames.

My hands went automatically to his hair, tangling through the strands and attempting to pull him even closer, trying to satisfy the hunger searing through my body, burning its way through my limbs and concentrating in the very core of my being.

His hands seemed to be everywhere at once, stroking my hair, touching my face, running down my arms and then back up the sides of my body from waist to shoulder. His thumbs teased the sides of my breasts, a touch that incited but didn't come close to satisfying. My body arched up into his with a moan, trying to do something to appease that aching hunger.

I raked my hands up and down his back, feeling the warm ridges of muscle beneath my fingertips. Another moan was wrenched from my chest as his tongue suddenly penetrated deeply between my lips, filling my mouth with his taste. He sought out my tongue, teasing it, stroking it, before becoming more urgent, more demanding. The continual thrust and retreat motions of his tongue kindled the fires inside until they roared uncontrollably.

On instinct, my legs shifted, parting for him. When they did, our hips aligned, granting me the most delicious kind of friction right where my ache was centered. With a growl that I felt in every cell of my being, his hips rolled against mine, stoking the fire to unbearable heights. I was mindless now, my hips undulating against his, arching into him, grasping his shoulders, his hips, anything I could reach, pleading wordlessly for him to _do_ something…

This maelstrom of pleasure was too much, almost frightening in its sheer intensity… and yet it wasn't nearly enough. I wanted it to stop, and yet I wanted it to go on forever. My body had surrendered to his… he could do with it as he wished.

"No," Jasper groaned suddenly, sounding pained. Through the hazy film of passion, I saw his jaw clench tightly, his face burying itself in my neck briefly before he rolled to the side, away from me.

Dazed, and feeling suddenly bereft, I lay there panting, trying to regain order to my chaotic thoughts and feelings. "Jasper? What?"

His eyes were clenched tightly shut, the muscle in his jaw twitching. "Not like that," he said, in a voice so low and strained it was barely audible. "Your first time should not be a rough tumble _outside in the dirt_," he hissed. "And that was exactly where we were headed."

"I don't think I would have cared," I told him. Truth be told, he probably could have done whatever he'd wanted, and I would have welcomed it.

"You would have eventually," he said, looking over at me, his eyes gradually losing their feral glint. "And you deserve better than that."

"Why don't you go on in the house, darlin," he spoke after a long moment of silence. "Go get some dry clothes on. I'll be in shortly."

I nodded, knowing that we both needed a little distance to fully regain control. Going into the house, I retreated into the bedroom that I kept my clothes in and shut the door behind me, sliding down the frame to slump on the floor. My body was still humming with desire as I drew my knees up, wrapping my arms around them.

I wasn't entirely sure what to expect when Jasper came inside. He hadn't said no… he'd just said not like that. And based on the flickering visions I was getting, I'd say it was safe to assume that he wasn't entirely sure how to handle this either.

Our time of existing as casual companions was coming to an end, that much I was fairly certain of. The physical tension was growing to be too much between us. And, in all honesty, I was ready to move past that phase.

I loved him _desperately_… and I wanted him with a passion that was almost frightening. That loving and that wanting went hand in hand… I wanted everything with him. I didn't just want to be his companion. I didn't just want to be his friend. I wanted to be lover and mate… I didn't want any boundaries or barriers between us anymore.

The more I came to know him, the more he let me in, the deeper the love I had for him grew until I didn't understand how my heart could possibly hold any more… surely there was a limit to how much one person could love another… but every day I was proven wrong. Every day, I loved him a little more than the day before… _him_, the _real_ him and not a specter from my visions…

He wasn't perfect, I knew that. And I knew that he was still changing. But I also knew that it didn't truly matter, because, flaws and all_, I loved him_.

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**Am I mean for cutting it off right there? Sorry… but have no fear, the next chapter is well underway already, and I'm going to do my best to have it ready for you (hopefully) by the end of the week.**

**Thanks so much for reading! Don't forget to take a second and let me know what you thought! **

**Nik**


	9. Chapter 9

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**Surprise! Early update… you get it midweek instead of end of the week. ;-)**

**I'm going to keep this brief, because I do believe this is the chapter you've all been waiting for. Please do take a minute to read the epic AN at the end, though. **

**Enjoy!**

(BTW, I apologize if you got two email updates... is being an epic fail on formatting today! Grrr...)

* * *

_I was blindfolded,  
But now I'm seeing.  
My mind was closing,  
Now I'm believing._

_I finally know just what it means to let someone in,  
To see the side of me that no one does or ever will.  
So if you're ever lost and find yourself all alone,  
I'd search forever just to bring you home.  
Here and now, this I vow._

_Yes I'd come for you,_  
_No one but you._  
_Yes, I'd come for you,_  
_But only if you told me to._  
_And I'd fight for you,_  
_I'd lie its true,_  
_Give my life for you._  
_You know I'd always come for you._

_No matter what gets in my way,_  
_As long as there's still life in me,_  
_No matter what remember_

_You know I'd always come for you.  
_

_I'd crawl across this world for you,  
Do anything you want me to.  
No matter what remember_

_I'd always come for you.  
_

_You know I always come for you._

"_I'd Come for You"_

_By Nickelback_

****

**

* * *

**

Chapter 9

**Jasper**

.

I took several deep, even breaths, concentrating on bringing my rampant desires back under control. I'd been only seconds away from tearing the dress away from Alice's eager body and burying myself so deeply inside her that it would be impossible to tell where I ended and she began. She wouldn't have stopped me… she wanted it too. But I knew, later, we both would have regretted letting it happen that way.

It had taken every ounce of restraint I'd possessed to pull away from her. Her body had been so soft and yielding beneath mine… so responsive to my every touch. It had been heady and absolutely thrilling. But I knew, when the passion faded, I would have hated myself for taking her that way… like she was a vessel to be used instead of the woman that I had come to adore.

I wanted her desperately… but not like that.

Our desire for each other had been simmering just below the surface the entire time we'd worked together. It had been there in the covert glances, our casual touches, and even in the emotional closeness we'd attained.

I'd opened places inside my heart and mind to her that I'd never let anyone see before. And surprisingly, I didn't feel exposed having her know so many of my innermost thoughts and feelings. I found that I truly did want her to know the things I'd kept inside for so long. It was… freeing.

Inside the house, I could hear Alice now. I could hear the rustling of wet fabric as she let her soaked dress slide to the floor. And the thought of her body, with those tantalizing curves that I'd come so close to claiming a moment ago, in that state of undress caused my desire to flare once again.

But this desire was worlds different than anything I'd felt in the past. It was primal, yes – I wanted to claim her and make her mine in every possible way. Yet, at the same time, there was an innate tenderness as well – I wanted to cherish her body and to prove in a physical way that I cherished _her_… every part of her.

I knew I wasn't the same man I'd been before. And that was all because of her.

She needed to know that, she needed to hear me say it, before we breached this final barrier in our relationship.

I went inside the house, into the bedroom across the hall from the one Alice was in. We hadn't discussed putting our things in different rooms when we'd settled in, it had just been an unspoken arrangement. But now that was just one example of the separation that I wanted to do away with.

I didn't want anything between us anymore.

I changed out of my wet clothes, listening to Alice pad around in the sitting room. It sounded like she was lighting a fire in the fireplace again. I shook my head, smiling. To most vampires, a fire was something to be avoided, a means of destruction. But not to Alice. Having never seen fire used in that way, her mind didn't draw that connection. She'd seen it in human pictures, seeing families gathered around the hearth. She saw it as cozy and inviting. And I wasn't about to try to dissuade her… not if it made her happy.

Sure enough, as I walked out of the bedroom, that was what she was doing. The fading light from the setting sun cast a golden glow over her tiny elfin features as she coaxed a flame from the logs in the hearth. I propped myself against the doorframe, watching her lithe movements.

She'd changed out of her damp clothes and into a light, gauzy dress that was such a pale blue it was almost white. Lit by the glow from both the fading sunlight and the gently leaping orange flames, she looked positively angelic. My heart swelled almost painfully with the force of the love that I felt for her. It was so deep and so rich that it left no room for anything else.

She occupied every last crevice of my heart… just as she was always meant to.

Knowing that I was behind her, Alice ducked her head, turning to look up at me sheepishly through her dark eyelashes. I felt her uncertainty, her twinge of embarrassment, and I smiled at her, feeling no need anymore to even attempt to mask the adoration in my eyes. She caught her lower lip, worrying it between her teeth, waiting with nervous expectation for me to make the first move.

With slow steps, I covered the distance between us and took her left hand gently in mine. Leading her to the sofa, I gestured for her to sit. When she did, I knelt down in front of her, still holding her hand in mine and pressed a kiss to the soft skin of her palm.

I looked up to meet her eyes, and found myself getting lost in their depths. I felt like I could see all the way through her just by looking into her eyes, all the way to her soul… and I knew that she was just as exquisitely beautiful on the inside as she was on the outside.

My mouth opened and closed several times as I searched for the words to tell her what she'd come to mean to me, but the right words wouldn't come. There were no words that were strong enough or deep enough to accurately convey what I needed them to.

Alice waited for me to speak, her eyes searching mine with questions swirling in the golden pools. I smiled and kissed the center of her palm again, my lips lingering there for a long moment before moving her hand to my chest and placing it right over my heart.

"You'd think that as long as I've been alive, as many languages as I know, I'd be able to find the words I need right now," I told her quietly. "But, Alice, sometimes words are sorely inadequate, and this is one of those times. If you'll let me, I think it would just be easier to show you instead."

She nodded wordlessly, and I felt her body tremble lightly as I placed my hand on the left side of her chest over her still heart. With my eyes locked on hers, I exposed myself in a way that I'd never dared to before, opening the floodgates of my heart and letting her feel exactly how much I loved her.

Alice's breath left her body in a rush as she tried to take in the magnitude of my feelings for her as they were conveyed through our touch. The force, the intensity of them, flowed through my body and into hers. Impossibly, those feelings intensified still more as her love was mirrored back, joining with mine and multiplying several times over.

The immeasurable concentration of our combined love, flowed and pulsed between us until I almost felt that my heart should have been jolted back to life… that it should have started beating in my chest again.

Alice's eyes glistened, the depth of her emotion written plainly on her face.

"This, Alice," I said, fighting to find my voice, "_this_ is what I feel for you. I've never, in all of my existence, felt as alive as I do when I'm with you. I would say you've given me back my life, but that's not even entirely true…because _you've given me life_ like I've never had before."

I pressed her hand closer against my heart. "This is yours, Alice. It belongs to you… just as I do." Her lips trembled as she tried to maintain a hold on her emotions. "Darlin, I need you to know that I don't want to live one more day without you right here by my side… I want forever with you."

A single sob finally broke free from Alice's chest as I cupped her face tenderly in my palm. "Alice, I was brought up to believe that, when a man finds the woman he wants to spend his life with, he leaves his father and mother and makes his home with her. She becomes his first priority – the most important and precious thing in his world."

I smiled shakily, "I realize that the carrying out of that for us is quite a bit different, but the intent is still the same." I looked deeply into her eyes, trying to convey the depth of my sincerity. "Alice, everything else that ever meant anything to me, any life I had before you, I'm forsaking now. You're the only thing that matters to me from this moment on. Everything I am, heart, mind, and body, is yours, and only yours. I know it's not possible for me to give you the ceremony or the wedding ritual or anything that customarily goes along with it, but, if I could, I would."

Alice shook her head rapidly back and forth, "Someday," she said with a trembling voice. "We'll have that someday, but I don't need it now. Right now all I need is you."

"You have me… all of me. Forever," I said as she slid from her seat to kneel beside me on the floor.

"That's all I've ever wanted… and it's all I'll ever need," Alice said as she wrapped her arms around me, laying her head against my shoulder as she choked on a sob. I cradled her head in the palm of my hand, rocking her back and forth as we clung to each other.

"Tell me what you want, Alice," I whispered into her ear. "Tell me and it's yours."

"You," she breathed against my neck, feathering her lips over the skin there. "I want you."

Slowly, I stood to my feet, bringing her with me. Taking her face gently between my hands, I lowered my face, molding my lips to the shape of hers. Softly caressing her mouth with mine, I allowed only enough room to murmur around our kiss, "I'm yours."

****

.

**Alice**

.

As Jasper kissed me with the softest of pressure, I found it difficult to believe that this was real. For as long as I'd waited to hear those words from him – as many years as I'd longed to get to this moment – I was almost afraid that this was nothing more than a cruelly vivid vision. But as Jasper pulled away, looking at me with the same wonder in his eyes that I had no doubt was reflected in mine, I knew this time it wasn't a dream.

The orange glow from the fire and the soft lavender of the night enveloped the room, lending it a soft, intimate feel. I traced my hand over Jasper's face, marveling at the way flickering light danced and shimmered against his skin. This time, I knew I wasn't going to "wake" just before his lips brushed mine, leaving me feeling empty and longing for his touch. This time he was here… and _he loved me_… he wanted me.

His eyes traced over my features, drinking me in. Gently, so gently, as if the slightest twitch of his fingers could crush me, his hands reached up to cup my face. The absolute awe and overwhelming love in his touch sent warm shivers through my spine.

After all these long years of searching for him, after all the months I'd spent fighting for him, the battle for his heart was over – it was won. He'd promised me forever. He'd vowed that he'd be by my side for the rest of our eternity.

He'd given me his heart, his soul, and his trust that I'd cherish them – that I wouldn't hurt him as he'd been hurt and betrayed in the past.

Jasper had owned all of my heart for as long as I'd been alive. It was already his long before I'd ever been able to give him the words. And my life had always belonged to him… before I even awoke. He was always the one I'd known my future was destined for.

He owned my heart, my soul, my past, and my future. Now, tonight, I'd give him the very last part of my self left unclaimed… the very last thing I had to give – I was giving him my body. After tonight my body would belong to him just as every other part of me did.

Jasper took a step closer, a tender reverence in his eyes as he bent to brush his lips against my temples, trailing down to my cheeks with aching slowness. My eyelids fluttered closed as the warmth of his touch coursed through my still veins, penetrating to my very bones.

And we'd barely even begun.

His lips caressed my closed lids. I could feel his warm, sweet breath fanning over my face, overwhelming my senses and making me dizzy as he traced a path to my waiting lips. His nose nudged against mine as he hesitated just above my lips, prolonging the anticipation. My lips parted slightly in response, taking his breath into my mouth.

I could feel the heat of his body mere inches from mine. His thumbs caressed my cheekbones, sending electric shivers down my spine.

"I love you," he breathed as his lips came down to brush lightly against the corner of my mouth. "I'll always love you." My heart thrilled again at the long-awaited promise as he kissed the other side of my mouth, earning an involuntary whimper from me as he purposefully avoided where I wanted his kiss.

"Please," my voice came out as a breathy moan as I turned my face to seek his lips. The first brush of his mouth against mine made my whole body tremble. So many years I'd dreamed about what it would feel like to have him cradle my face in his hands and feel the tender searching of his lips against mine. The dreams never came close to doing the reality justice.

His mouth was warm, his lips, moving in perfect synchrony with mine, were smooth as marble and soft as satin.

This was right. For the first time in my life, I felt completely whole. Love like I'd never felt before pumped through my entire being, consuming everything inside. Nothing else existed for me now save for the man in my arms.

My fingers trailed along the ridges of his spine, over the broad expanse of his shoulders to knead against the warm skin at the nape of his neck, tangling in the curls there. His hair was the softest silk as my fingers slipped through the cool strands.

Jasper's mouth became more urgent against mine, pressing insistently. When his lips parted and the very tip of his tongue tentatively stroked my upper lip, my body melted against his. My legs felt weak, and I was grateful when his arms tightened around me, offering the support that my own body denied me.

When his tongue traced the seam of my mouth, it was instinctive to part my lips further to let him inside. If I'd thought my body felt weak before, it was nothing to the way my strength deserted me when his tongue penetrated my mouth, stroking inside and seeking out my tongue. Every nerve ending in my body stood at attention, pulsing in pleasure, as they stroked and tangled together.

Now, not only was I breathing in his scent, but I was tasting him as well. His tongue was the softest velvet as it lured my tongue into his mouth, seeking and retreating until I had no choice but to follow. His taste consumed my senses as I explored his mouth as he'd done with mine.

I stroked the roof of his mouth, a small part of my mind marveling at the satin smooth texture, and traced the smooth, sensitive surface of his teeth, exulting in the shiver of pleasure it provoked from him.

I whimpered in protest when his lips parted from mine after long, breathless moments. He kissed a path along my jaw and down my throat. When his teeth scraped with the gentlest pressure against the tendon in my neck, it was my turn to shiver in delight. His kisses trailed over my collarbone to the hollow of my throat before making a path back up to my waiting lips.

He shifted my body against his, bending to lift me into his arms. He cradled me gently against his chest as he pressed two more whisper-soft kisses on my lips. The fluttery feeling of anticipation filled my womb as he carried me down the hallway and into his room.

Jasper stopped by the side of the bed and knelt as if to lay me down. "Wait," I said before he could lower me to the mattress. Confusion lined his face as he set me on my feet when I indicated for him to do so. Biting my lip, I turned so that my back was facing him and gestured to the row of buttons at the back of my dress. "Help me with these?" I asked, turning my face to look at him.

"Of course," he said, a tender light filling his eyes. He pressed his lips to my shoulder, their warmth seeping through the fabric of my dress.

The fluttering in my womb intensified as I felt him slip the first button from its loop. He took his time, stroking with his fingertips the new skin that was uncovered as each button was released. I trembled as his lips trailed a warm, moist path down the sliver of newly revealed skin.

When the last button was undone, I stepped away, turning to face him again. I didn't take my eyes from his as my hands reached up to my shoulders, sliding the fabric down until the dress fell away, pooling at my feet. He swallowed visibly as his darkened eyes raked over my body, now hidden only by a thin slip.

"Alice," he breathed, and it sounded like a prayer.

Slowly, I reached for the straps of my slip and slid those down too until the silky fabric joined my dress on the floor. With shaky hands, I removed the last intimate garments that hid me from him, my body entirely bared before him now.

I was giving him everything… willingly offered… freely given.

The look in his eyes told me he knew that as well. He took a tentative step towards me, closing the gap between us. Taking my hand in his, he kissed my fingertips as I sat down on the edge of the bed and laid back, resting my head on the pillow, offering my body for his possession… hiding nothing from him.

Wordlessly, Jasper unbuttoned his shirt, shedding it to let it fall in a heap next to my discarded clothes, and lay down beside me on the bed. His hand tilted my face up to meet his in an achingly tender kiss.

"You're perfect," he breathed into my mouth. "So perfect."

"Touch me," I pleaded as his lips kissed down my neck and over my bare shoulder.

He smiled, taking my hand in his and skimming his fingertips over the inside of my wrist, kissing the sensitive skin there. Hands and lips both traced a slow path up my forearm, pausing to linger at the inner crease of my elbow, and continuing upwards to where my arm joined my shoulder. He feathered kisses over my collarbones before making the same circuit on the other side of my body from fingers to shoulders.

He'd barely touched me, and already my body was burning with that kind of fire that I was growing very familiar with. His hands were coming so close to where I wanted them, but not quite close enough.

"Jasper," I moaned as he chuckled into the hollow of my throat.

"Shhh," he soothed me, brushing a strand of hair off my cheek and kissing the sensitive hollow he found behind my ear. "Patience," he said, lightly nipping the lobe of my ear, causing my whole body to jerk.

From my shoulders, his hands traced down my sides to my hipbones, leaving a trail of fire where he touched. On the way back up, he let his knuckles skim over the outer curve of my breasts, which felt swollen with need, aching for his touch. That ache only grew in intensity as he ran his fingertips down the valley between them, so close and yet so far away from where I wanted him.

"You are torturing me," I groaned as his fingers once again made the path from the hollow of my throat to my navel.

"No," He said, placing a single kiss on my abdomen, making my body tremble. "I'm savoring you. I can't get over how soft your skin is. You're even softer than silk." As he spoke, his hand spanned my ribcage, his thumb stroking the lower curve of my breast. My back arched, trying to move his hand just a little higher.

Gently, then, as if he was caressing something infinitely fragile, his palm shifted to cup my breast. I couldn't stop the moan that wrenched its way from my throat… it felt so good.

"Beautiful," he breathed as his face lowered to kiss the upper swell, caressing with hands and lips. His thumb swept over the hardened tip, making my body jerk, arching up again to offer myself to him.

I felt the warmth of his breath just as the moist heat of his mouth enveloped my breast. I cried out, grasping his hair, as he began a soft suckling. His hands went to my waist, surrounding me, one hand resting at the small of my back, supporting me.

I felt a tightness begin coiling deep in my womb as his tongue flicked repeatedly over the engorged bud, sucking and nipping at it. The deep drawing motions of his mouth seemed to be directly connected to the intimate flesh between my legs. It was swollen and throbbing, like a live wire of pleasure.

His mouth released me with one final kiss before tracing a path to the other side and beginning his sweet torture all over again. With one hand, Jasper reached up to tease the breast that his lips had just relinquished, rolling and pinching the tip between his thumb and forefinger.

I closed my eyes and surrendered to the whirlwind of sensation that he was drawing from my body. The pleasure swirling inside coiled and tightened, reaching heights I'd never even dreamed of, before flashes of white lights burst behind my eyelids. My body spasmed as his mouth and hands worked in tandem to prolong the pleasure.

As the waves of bliss rolled over my body, I felt his hand skim down my abdomen, tingles erupting where his skin touched mine. Lower and lower his fingers traced until they found the secret flesh between my legs. I jumped at the unfamiliar contact, reaching for his wrist as my legs instinctively tried to close, frightened at the heat that shot through my body at his touch there.

"Shhh…" he soothed, raising his face to mine and pressing little butterfly kisses on my eyelids. "It's all right, darlin. Just relax," he said in a gently coaxing voice. His lips covered mine once again, but this kiss had a much different undertone than the ones before.

His mouth nipped intimately at mine, parting my lips to allow the entry of his tongue. This kiss was intoxicating and seductive, his mouth coaxing a response from mine, making my body feel liquid and boneless.

So caught up was I in the drugging pleasure of his kiss, that I didn't have the urge to resist when his hand resumed its intimate caress. He stroked the sensitive folds there, each touch plunging my body deeper into pleasure. It built and built under the slow movements of his hands until my body strained for something just out of reach, my hips arching into his stroking fingertips, my mouth becoming frantic against his.

The movements of my body were beyond my control now as my mind surrendered to my body's demands. One of Jasper's fingers slipped between the folds of my sex, entering me. I didn't have even the desire to fight this new intrusion as, in and out, his finger slid, making the pleasure coil tighter and tighter inside.

In and out, probing and stroking, inciting and arousing, his tongue in my mouth mimicked the motions of his hand on my most intimate flesh. Flames burned under my skin, searing through my limbs and centering in my core.

Jasper's mouth muffled my cry as the pleasure finally reached its peak, my body convulsing as wave upon wave of white hot sensation shot through every cell of my body. I felt the shifting of his body, but I was so caught up in the bliss coursing through my veins that I didn't know or care what he was doing as long as the fiery waves didn't stop.

I moaned into his mouth in protest when he moved his hand, feeling the loss of his warm touch immediately. A new kind of heat took over his insistent kiss as his body lowered over mine, covering me completely. He'd removed the last of his clothes, and his warmth was all around me now… it consumed me.

There was a barely restrained urgency that I could feel vibrating in his body as his hands raked over every inch of my skin that he could reach, hands and mouth fanning the flames of desire in my core again. I gave myself over completely to him, entrusting myself into his keeping.

His leg inserted itself between both of mine, parting them to make a cradle for himself between my thighs. One hand ran from my hip down to my knee, grasping it lightly to pull it over his waist. I gasped at the sudden shocking feel of him _there_, with no fabric this time to mask his body's reaction to mine, or mine to his. He moaned into my mouth at the same time, his hands roaming back up the length of my body to tangle in my hair.

"I love you," he murmured against my lips as his hips aligned with mine. "God, Alice, I love you."

He shifted again, his mouth taking possession of mine again as his body began its own slow possession. I felt the very tip of him enter me, stretching me far more than his fingers had. It didn't hurt, but it felt odd to have his body invading mine like this. It was raw and intimate… much more so than I'd ever been able to imagine it would be.

Inch by inch he pressed slowly inside until he was fully sheathed in my body. I could feel him in every cell… above me, as the weight of his body pressed mine into the mattress… against me, skin on skin with nothing hiding our bodies from each other anymore… and inside me, filling me, as we joined together in the most intimate way known to man.

His hips pulled back until his body almost left mine and then sank down again. Sparks of pleasure coursed from where we were so intimately joined, through my womb and down my limbs even to my fingers and toes. I gasped, arching my hips into his as he thrust again, seeking that burst of sensation.

Once we found a rhythm, our bodies seemed to move together as one. Even through the haze of my own bliss, I was fascinated watching the play of emotions on Jasper's face. His eyebrows were drawn together, his forehead creased as he tried to hold his release at bay. His muscles were taut under my hands as I raked them up and down his back and over his broad shoulders, reveling in the masculine strength and power of his body moving over mine.

One of his hands traveled from where it had been tangled in my hair down to where our bodies were joined and found a spot that made white hot pleasure shoot though my veins. His hips shifted to find a different angle, one that made me cry out and arch helplessly into him.

His movements became more purposeful, each one driving me higher and higher, reaching for a new plane of ecstasy. The bursts of pleasure from before seemed tame compared to the fire that was burning its way through me right now. It was all-consuming, leaving no room for any other thought or feeling save for that one alone. Every muscle in my body tightened, straining to reach that release.

I was wound so tightly, the pleasure building to almost unbearable heights, that it was frightening. My breath caught in my throat, as it built still more, until I was sure that my body was going to snap in two. My eyes shot to Jasper's, seeking reassurance, as my body writhed helplessly beneath his.

His face was contorted in his own pleasure, his eyes bright and wild, his breath coming in shallow panting bursts. He wrapped his arm closer around me, holding me tightly. "It's all right, darlin. I've got you…. I've got you… you can let go…"

At his husky encouragement, I did just that… I let go and felt my body fall apart, shattering into a thousand tiny pieces as pleasure like I'd never known before took over. My entire body convulsed under his.

I felt his eyes on me, watching me, as his thrusts became more urgent until he finally shuddered with his own climax. I felt the steady stream of warmth as he released into me, and, this time, it was my turn to watch him through it. His head was thrown back, the tendons in his neck bulging, and his face… his face was twisted in the perfect agony of ecstasy that he'd just coaxed me through.

When the storm had passed, we clung to each other as his body fell heavily over mine. Our mouths sought each other frantically, seeking a grounding in each other. As the moments passed, and our breaths came more heavily, fires were kindled inside once again.

My hips rolled against his where we were still joined, eliciting a moan from deep within him. "Jasper," I pleaded as warmth speared through my limbs at feeling the depth of our connection. "Please… again…" I begged through our kiss, needing to feel that fulfillment again.

His body answered for him, drawing every ounce of pleasure from mine that I was capable of. It went on and on as we loved each other with our bodies. We touched and explored, discovering all the secret places that brought the other pleasure… delighting in the feel of hard muscle, soft skin, and supple curves.

Nothing was held back… there were no more secrets between us anymore… hearts and minds moved in synch, bodies merged into one.

The sun rose and set and then rose again. We didn't notice. The outside world might as well have not existed… the only world we were aware of was the one inside the circle of each others arms.

When the moonlight glowed brightly in the window, I pulled away just slightly, nudging Jasper onto his back. He went without a struggle, trusting me implicitly.

I rose over him and kissed a gentle path from his hairline to his temple, covering each of his scars along the way with my lips. His eyes closed as I feathered kisses over every inch of his face, neck, and jaw. The first time I'd seen him, I'd wanted to kiss away the pain that had accompanied his scars. Now, I finally could.

My heart hurt seeing all the thousands of marks, the evidence of teeth ripping into his skin… proof of all the times he could have been torn away from me before I'd ever had the chance to love him. I poured all the love I could into my touch, bathing him in it. I could feel the raised flesh of his scars under my lips, but I could also feel the hardness of muscle, the satiny feel of his skin.

The scars were thickest over his neck, his torso, and his arms. They were layered thickly, overlapping many times. I took each of his hands in mine, hands that had hurt and been hurt, but hands that had taught my body more about pleasure than I'd ever dreamed. I kissed each mark slowly, tracing my tongue over them.

I continued up his arms, much the same as he'd done with me the first time he'd introduced me to love, delighting in how pliable he was allowing himself to be beneath my touch. His breath became more shallow as I moved my attention to his chest. I took my time, noticing with a feeling of pride every time his strong body quivered under my touch.

The scars were layered less thickly over his lower half. There were patches of smooth, unmarked skin over his abdomen and his legs, and I took my time over those as well.

"Roll over," I urged in a gentle whisper, stroking the firm muscles in his calves.

He did without question or protest, and my heart thrilled at the trusting look in his eyes as he rolled to his stomach, leaving himself completely vulnerable to me. My eyes actually stung with tears that I couldn't shed at his willingness to be so defenseless with me.

After everything he'd been through, after all the times he'd been hurt, the walls that he'd built to protect himself were no more. There was no trace of uncertainty, not a hint of suspicion or any inherent fear at letting himself be open and vulnerable… there was only a perfect, complete love that drove out everything else.

I slid up his prone body, beginning at the nape of his neck, and kneaded his skin under my fingertips. There were scars littered across his back, but nothing like the marks that covered his neck and torso. I kissed and stroked my way down, feeling the firm tautness of his muscles, the hard ridges of bone in his spine, and the expanse of warm, smooth skin under my hands and lips.

I felt the fine tremors of his body as my touch incited him, but he didn't hurry me… he let me continue at my pace, enjoying my leisurely exploration.

When I'd covered every inch of his skin, when every last scar had been bathed in my love, I nudged him over onto his back once again. His eyes were dark and hungry when they met mine, but there was a question there as well.

"The scars don't repulse you?" It was more statement than question… he knew they didn't. But he didn't understand why.

"No, not even close."

"But they're hideous."

"They're not." I shook my head firmly. "Jasper, I hate the thought of you being in pain… even the idea of it cuts me deeply. But every one of those scars is visible proof of your strength as a soldier. A lesser man would never have survived all the battles you've fought, let alone won. Every single one of those marks is a badge showing your courage and your skill, and that's what brought you to me. So, in that case, how could seeing them possibly repulse me?"

His eyes slid shut, and he pulled me down, wrapping me closely in his arms. His mouth found mine, telling me things that words just couldn't quite express.

As he drew me into his side once again, our lips, our hands, and our bodies spoke for us in a language that needed no words… it was the tenderly intimate language of lovers… of two bodies, two people that had finally become one.

.

****

* * *

***deep breaths* GAH, that was the most lemony I've ever attempted to be… I'm very curious to see how this chapter will be received!**

**OK, now I have news that I know a lot of you aren't going to like… I'm afraid that, as it stands now, Awake and Alive has two more regular chapters and an epilogue to go before we're done. I know many of you were expecting this story to cover their early years with the Cullens, and I truly did consider writing it that way. But from the beginning, I never really anticipated it going that far. And to be honest, the scene where they show up at the Cullens' house is the one part in the entire realm of canon that I absolutely do not want to write… it scares the bejeebers right out of me! I'm going to leave this story kind of open ended so that if inspiration strikes at a later point, I'll be able to go back and write those years. I'm really sorry to disappoint! I don't like doing that. :-( **

**But, kind of as a consolation prize, I'm posting a first look at my newest story, Entertaining Angels, down below. EA is my first attempt at an all human story, and I'm really excited to get going on it… teaser is down below!**

**Don't forget, Friday the 13****th**** (teehee!) is the last day to vote for the Glove awards… Awake and Alive is actually in the lead at the moment for best Alice (which shocks the fricken Hale out of me! LOL) so if you haven't voted yet, you can follow the link on my profile page… ;-)**

**And follow me on Twitter if you'd like… you can find me as AnEnduringHope.**

**Here's your first look at Entertaining Angels, which will post as soon as A&A comes to a close. Enjoy!**

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_With the wind whistling around the cabin, Jasper strode over to the fireplace and added new logs, stoking the flames. He warmed his hands against the leaping orange glow, grateful for the warmth as the snow whipped cruelly outside. _

_A strange thumping sound caught his attention, but he wrote it off to being simply the wind. The second time he heard it, though, he grew curious. It didn't sound like the noises from the storm he'd been listening to for the last several hours. The hairs on the back of his neck stood on end. He had a strange feeling that something wasn't right._

_Telling himself that he was being ridiculous, he opened the door to prove to himself that there was nothing out there. The sudden onslaught of the bitter cold stole his breath and made his eyes water. Squinting against the wind, he looked around, peering through the darkness. Seeing nothing, he was about to close the door when a slight movement at the bottom of the front steps caught his eye._

_He stepped out a little further, shivering at the frigid temperature. He heard a whimpering little cry which he knew wasn't a trick of the wind. Looking again to the spot where he'd thought he'd seen movement, to his utter disbelief, he saw a small form lying prostrate in the snow._

_He flew down the steps to find the slight form of a woman draped over the bottom step. She still struggled, trying valiantly to pull herself up the stairs, though her nearly frozen body wouldn't quite cooperate. He knelt down beside her and turned her over. Her head lolled back onto his arm, too heavy for her to support any longer, as he slid one arm under her shoulders. _

_She fought to keep her eyelids open as he lifted her easily into his arms and carried her quickly into the house. Her whole body burrowed instinctively into his warmth, tears of lingering fright and now gratefulness leaking from her eyes. _

"_Pl – please…" she whimpered in a choked cry as her body shook violently from the cold. That had been they cry on her lips for hours as she stumbled through the endless white expanse of snow. "Please… h – help…"_

"_Shhh…" he soothed the frightened young woman. "You're safe now. It's going to be all right." _


	10. Chapter 10

I'm so excited to let you all know that Awake and Alive won in the Glove Awards for Best Alice! Thanks sooooo much to all of you who voted… I can't even tell you how much that meant to me!

I'm keeping this brief again, but please take a sec and read the note down below. Enjoy! :D

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**Chapter 10**

**Jasper**

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Bliss. Euphoria. Ecstasy.

The words didn't quite come close to what I'd experienced over the last few days with Alice, but they were the best I had. We'd been wrapped up in a bubble where only the two of us existed, and I'd never, in all of my life, dreamed of happiness and peace such as I felt with her. If _this_ was the eternity I had to look forward to now, then I'd embrace each day as a gift instead of the curse I'd come to see it as before.

The last several days had been those of discovery and joy as we'd given our bodies to each other. We'd loved each other continually, unable to allow even a breath of space to come between us.

Out of all the memories I'd stored up in more than a century of life, the memory of Alice baring herself so intimately, so trustingly, to me was one that I would treasure most. She was breathtaking – perfectly formed and flawlessly beautiful. She was tiny and feminine – all soft, sweet-smelling skin, and supple curves… delicate as porcelain, smooth as alabaster. From her raven black hair, to her gold eyes, and her milky white skin, she was absolutely gorgeous.

But just as alluring as her beauty was, her innocence was almost equally so. I could feel her slight hesitation at first, her uncertainty at the intensity of what was happening between us. And in the midst of the desire that had coursed through my veins, I'd felt a sweeping surge of tender protectiveness.

Alice had never known any touch but mine. And she was willingly giving that innocence to me – entrusting herself to me.

That knowledge was humbling and empowering and utterly astounding.

I'd worshipped her body, savoring it as I'd told her, giving her as much pleasure as I possibly could. I'd stored up in my mind all the sweet sounds she'd made as she let me take her body to planes it had never been before and the look on her face as she'd fallen over the edge that first time.

Joining my body with hers for the first time, I'd thought that surely there could be no pleasure greater than that, but, innocent though she was, Alice had proven me wrong over and over again. Every time with her seemed more fulfilling and passionate than the last as we'd learned each other's bodies, finding all the places that elicited pleasured gasps and moans. We'd sought them out, memorizing them and coming back to them over and over, unable to ever get enough.

Admittedly, I'd been hesitant at first to let Alice see the full extent of the damage that had been done to my body. I'd stopped caring about my scars a long time ago. They were simply an unavoidable part of the life I'd lived. But I'd been almost fearful about letting her innocent eyes see the kind of ravages that I'd been left with after more than eight decades of war.

She'd surprised me once again, however. Only Alice would think to bathe the scars with a kiss the way she had. She'd poured into me her compassion, her acceptance of who and what I was and had once been, and most important of all, her unconditional, all-consuming love. I'd felt it in every single touch, clearly conveyed from her hands and her lips… and from her heart.

I'd nearly come undone as she'd so lovingly traced all the marks my past had left me with. She was far more than I'd ever deserve… and she was everything now.

I'd known on some level the depth of the bond between immortals and their mates. I'd felt it from others even though I'd never experienced it for myself. I'd thought that I was just incapable of feeling anything that deeply. But Alice had proven me wrong again.

Anything I'd ever felt before her was a mere shadow… a specter of the real thing.

Change came very infrequently for us as immortals, set in stone as we were. But when it did, it was deeply-rooted and permanent. Overcome with such powerful emotion as I'd experienced with Alice, I'd been able to feel myself changing – the love I had for her became the foundation of my entire being… she became the very thing that my life revolved around. And nothing else in all the world mattered to me more than her.

The realization of that should have worried me – I'd shied away from any strong emotion for many years. I'd fought against being that dependent on anyone. The more you cared about any one person – the more of yourself you gave to them – the more power they had to hurt you. And that was something I'd tried to protect myself from.

But I knew without any shadow of doubt that _this_ was right. This, with Alice, was what I had always been meant for… right here with her was my safe place… the one place I never had to worry about that. And for the first time in my life, I felt at peace.

"Jazz," Alice's quiet, musical voice spoke from where her head rested against my shoulder. "Can I ask you something?"

"You know you can." I brushed a wayward strand of hair from her forehead and kissed the same spot tenderly, still reveling in this new liberty, this new _right_, to touch her so freely. I wondered if there would ever come a time when something as simple as a touch would cease to thrill me this way. But I couldn't imagine that… not with Alice.

Her hand traced an abstract pattern on my chest as she contemplated her question, a crease forming between her pensive eyes. "What would you call what I am to you now?" She looked up at me with a curious expression.

I kissed the tip of her nose and smiled. "My world," I said simply.

A dazzling smile stretched over her face at my response, and she tucked her face in my shoulder for a moment. "That's sweet," she said, looking up again. "But that's not what I meant."

"I know," I said, catching her hand in mine and kissing her fingertips. "I'm just not sure that there's a label that fits what we have exactly. You're my mate now, certainly. You're lover and friend. You're my partner. But it's more than that, too. You're a part of me now, Alice. I don't know exactly how to explain it, but you're not just a part of my life now but of _me_. You're flesh of my flesh," I said quoting a long forgotten ideal.

"I know there was no pronouncement, no traditional ceremony, but I'd still say that 'wife' seems to come closer to describing what you are to me than any other label does."

"Really?" There was a bright kind of hopefulness in her eyes as she asked.

"I believe so, yes. And, when you think about it, we had a commitment and a consummation. As far as I'm concerned, for us, that's as binding as any human tradition. And actually, in some historical cultures, that was all that was necessary for a marriage to exist anyway."

Alice was quiet again, but I could almost see the wheels of her mind turning. "And isn't it usually customary," she asked in a hesitant voice, "when a woman marries that she takes her husband's name?"

"Generally, yes," I said as she lifted her face once again.

"So, does this mean that I get to be Alice Whitlock now?"

"If you'd like," I told her, trying to sound nonchalant, but in my mind I was turning the idea over and over, surprised by just how much I truly liked the sound of that. It was only fitting, after all. She was sharing my life, my future, and everything else. It seemed only appropriate that she share my name as well.

"I'd like that," she said, eyes sparkling vividly as she looked up at me. Her whole face seemed to be lit from the inside, joy illuminating her features. "I'd like that a lot. You know," her musical voice turned contemplative again, "it was because of you that I even knew my name to begin with."

"How so?" I asked, trying to pull her body even closer, even though we were already tangled together as close as two people could get.

"Before I woke up," she said, curling contentedly into me, "I heard you calling my name. Instead of pain during the transformation like you've described, I just remember feeling surrounded by darkness, and not knowing how to get out of it. But then I heard you.

"You called me Alice," she smiled against my neck. "You called me _your_ Alice. And you told me that you loved me. You were going to kiss me, too, but that's when I woke up." Her face twisted in an adorable little pout at the memory of being denied that first fantasy kiss.

I chuckled at the sight and tilted her face back. "You _are_ my Alice. And I do love you," I said, pressing my lips against hers and smiling as she melted into my touch. I was more than happy to make up for the loss of her dream kiss… and then some.

She sighed in contentment when I pulled away long enough for her to breathe, stroking her fingers over my back. "I have a whole name now. I'm not just 'Alice' anymore," she said, seemingly to herself, sounding awed by that fact.

"Actually," she said, her voice becoming very quiet again, "at first, when I found you, I wondered if I'd been wrong about my name too. It was an odd feeling having to wonder if I was really 'Alice' at all."

My heart twisted painfully in my chest at the reminder. The day that she'd found me, I'd called her a liar. I'd told her I didn't want her. I'd actually thought about hurting her… about silencing her to protect myself. The thought of that made my stomach drop like lead. I didn't even want to imagine how horrendously different my life would be right now if I'd done something that stupid. I'd done my best to drive her away, but I'd spend the rest of my life grateful that she hadn't let me.

I held Alice tighter, feeling the futile urge to protect her from what I might have done… as if I could erase the past by loving her now. But I couldn't – and I knew the memory of that was something I'd have to live with for the rest of my existence.

"I'm sorry," I told her, looking into her eyes so that she could see my apology as well as hear it. "I'm so sorry for everything I said or did to hurt you that way. I've done a lot of things that I regret, but that…" I shook my head.

Alice placed her finger over my lips, quieting my confession. "I'll never do it again," I promised her, kissing her fingertip and moving to cradle her face in my hands. "I don't ever want to hurt you again."

"I think you've done a pretty good job of making up for all of that. And I'd do it all over again, you know… every bit of it," the astounding depth of her love shone through her eyes. "You were worth it."

"But it's a good thing for you," she said, mischief written all over her face, "that I didn't know what I was missing before I found you." She crawled on top of my chest, her legs on either side of my waist as she trailed her parted lips down my neck and over my chest. "I might have tackled you to the floor right there in the diner."

Heat blazed through my body everywhere her lips touched, scattering my thoughts and making it difficult to think of anything besides her. "Remind me again why that would have been a bad thing,"

She chuckled lightly as her lips found mine again. "At the moment, I haven't the faintest idea," she murmured around our kiss.

"So much wasted time," I breathed, wrapping her inside the circle of my arms.

"Love me," she said, her kiss and the movements of her body over mine becoming more insistent.

I smiled against her lips. "Something tells me I've created a monster."

"Mmhmm," she murmured as I rolled her over onto her back and settled between the cradle of her thighs. "After all, I've got a lot of years of loving to catch up on… almost thirty of them, as a matter of fact." Alice's voice caught in her throat, trailing off, as her body stretched around mine once again.

"Looks like I've got my work cut out for me, then."

Loving her this way had seemed to become as natural as breathing – and far more necessary. I was wrapped up in her to the point that I could almost make myself believe that this was the only thing we needed to survive. But eventually the outside world did intrude once again as other needs began to make themselves known.

I'd noticed Alice's eyes gradually losing their golden hue as the days had passed, and I knew that mine were surely becoming as dark as hers. Eventually the burning in our throats had become more prominent in each of our minds as our thirst grew.

I stroked the column of Alice's throat as she swallowed against the burn once again, trying to soothe it. "We need to get you fed," I told her, feeling her silky skin under my fingertips.

"I know, but I don't want to," Alice said, burrowing closer to me.

"You're hurting. And there's no reason for you to be." I didn't want to move any more than she did, but I knew it couldn't be helped.

She sighed deeply. "I'm not sure why it's so bad. It's barely been two weeks, and usually it takes a little longer for me to feel this thirsty."

"Well," I said with a grin, kissing the top of her head, "you and I have both been expending a lot of bodily fluids this week. I'm sure that doesn't help."

"Jasper!" She exclaimed as a wave of embarrassment swept over her. She buried her face in my shoulder as I threw back my head and laughed at her response. One of her tiny fists pounded ineffectively on my chest as I shook with laughter.

"Really, Alice, as _close_ as you and I have been, after everything we've done in the last week, how do you have any room left for embarrassment?"

"I don't know. But that's not the same thing," she pouted, still hiding her face.

"I'm sorry," I kissed both of her eyelids, still chuckling.

She huffed good-naturedly, letting me know she wasn't truly upset, and rolled out of bed, scooping up my shirt from the floor and wrapping it around her tiny frame. I didn't like having her body hidden from my eyes anymore, but I had to admit that there was something about seeing her wearing my shirt – I couldn't even describe what it was, but I liked it… a lot.

The fabric dwarfed her, emphasizing how dainty she was. The hem covered her knees, and she had to roll the sleeves several times before she could even get her hands through. She should have looked like a child playing dress up as much as she was swimming in the excess fabric, but, to my eyes, she looked anything but childlike.

Sensing my unblinking gaze on her, Alice looked up at me almost flustered. She smiled, though, reaching down and grabbing my pants that were still lying where I'd tossed them days before. Wadding them into a ball, she lobbed them at my face.

"Get dressed," she said, spinning on her heel and fleeing down the hall to her room. As I pulled on my pants I could hear her moving around, opening drawers and gathering her clothes.

I padded down the hallway, stepping up behind her. Wrapping my arms around her waist, I nuzzled her neck, breathing in her fragrant skin. "What are you doing?"

"I'm getting my clothes on," she said as if I'd suddenly lost my mind. "What does it look like I'm doing?"

"You already have clothes on," I informed her, sliding my hands up her sides, covered by the thin cotton of my shirt.

"I'm not going outside the house like this," she said, sounding shocked by the idea.

"Why not?" I asked, finding the sensitive hollow behind her ear with my lips. "Who's going to see it?"

She hummed and tilted her head so that I could have better access to the soft skin. "It's not decent."

"I don't see why not. That shirt is long enough on you to be a dress. Tie a belt around the waist, and you're all set." I teased, kissing along the length of her neck, spanning her tiny waist with my hands to emphasize my point.

She laughed, swatting my hands away and taking a step to the side. "You're incorrigible. And I'm sorry to disappoint, but no."

"Oh well," I shrugged, tracing her pert little nose with the tip of my finger. "Can't blame a man for trying." I winked and turned towards the door. "But just so you know," I said, standing in the doorway, "you look very, very sexy wearing my clothes. You're welcome to borrow them anytime you'd like," I smirked, feeling her flush of embarrassment at my blunt statement.

She didn't say anything, but she didn't have to… I wouldn't have heard it anyway. Because in spite of her embarrassment, right at that moment, she let my shirt fall open and drop to the floor. She eyed me with a smug grin, knowing that she'd gotten the best of me in this game we were playing, and stepped to the side, pulling on her undergarments.

Holding up her forefinger, she stopped me in my tracks as I'd unconsciously started moving towards her. "Nuh-uh," she said. "You're the one that said we needed to get dressed. And that's exactly what I'm doing. Don't try to distract me."

"Fine," I said, still walking across the room in her direction. "No distractions."

"Oh no you don't," she said, foreseeing what I was doing. She picked up the shirt she'd dropped and held it away from me. "You have other shirts to wear. This one has been laying on the floor for a week. It's dirty and wrinkled."

"Maybe," I said, slipping my arm slowly around her waist, drawing her towards me. Placing my open lips over the hollow of her throat, I flicked the tip of my tongue over the tender skin, feeling Alice's body sway slightly, immediately melting into my touch. "But the other shirts don't smell like you. This one does." I snatched it neatly out of her hand while she was distracted by my caresses and backed away again.

I fought back a laugh as Alice's dazed eyes blinked several times, adjusting to my sudden departure. "You fight dirty," she grumbled as I slipped my arms inside the shirt that was now laced with her fragrance.

"I never claimed otherwise," I teased, winking as I left her to finish dressing in peace. I knew if I stayed much longer the clothes would be coming off instead of going on, and we both did really need to hunt.

Walking into the quiet living room, I stood peering out the window at the sunny October afternoon. My mind wasn't on the crisp fall air or the colors of the changing leaves. Instead, it was on the choice that I had to make now.

The last week with Alice had brought me joy and peace like I'd never dreamed of before. The idea of tainting that now with the horrific depression that followed on the heels of a hunt was unthinkable. But there was only one other choice.

I wasn't at all enthusiastic about hunting animals, but, at this point, the idea actually did seem to have some merit if I could skirt the negative aftereffects of my usual hunt. Distasteful as the idea was, it actually did seem to beat the alternative. I didn't want to compromise this happiness… not if I had a choice.

I supposed it wouldn't hurt anything to try it at least. After all, what did I have to lose?

Alice's arms twined around my waist as she came up behind me. Her lips pressed against my spine, their warmth seeping through the thin fabric. I smiled and lifted my arm to tuck her against my side, loving the way so fit so perfectly against me… like she'd been made for me.

"You're coming with me?" Her voice actually sounded uncertain as she looked up at me.

"I thought I would this time if that's all right," I replied, bending down, unable to resist the temptation of her upturned lips.

"It's more than all right," she said when I released her mouth. "You're welcome to hunt with me anytime you'd like."

"Are you ready now?" I asked, stepping back and holding out my hand.

She nodded and took my outstretched hand, smiling broadly. "Let's go."

We ran through the forest, leaving our little home behind us. I'd never hunted quite this way before, so, for now, I let Alice take the lead, slowing down and releasing her hand as she caught the scent of her prey. She glanced up, looking to me for reassurance. I nodded and gestured for her to go ahead.

That was all the encouragement she needed as her thirst took over – her actions coming under the control of her instincts. I watched, slightly spellbound, as she flew towards the moose drinking from the nearby stream. I'd never seen my cultured little Alice in quite this light before.

She was feral… predatory as she took down the animal that was several times her size without even a struggle. Even her movements as she drank from the animal, sating her thirst, were graceful and poised. Seeing her in this primal way, she was glorious and beautiful.

I waited until she was finished, until I saw the rich gold color return to her eyes, before I gritted my teeth and took off after the moose's mate that had fled when Alice and I had appeared.

The animal's scent was anything but appealing as I caught up to him, snapping his neck in one swift motion. Closing my mind to what I was doing, I lowered my mouth, biting through fur and skin to pierce the vein.

Blood filled my mouth, but it tasted all wrong. I wrinkled my nose and forced myself to keep drinking the blood that didn't taste quite like blood. It soothed the fires in my throat, but only marginally. I made myself drink until there was nothing left, until I had drained the animal dry.

After I was done, I stood, wiping my mouth with the back of my hand, still tasting the unpleasant, earthy flavor on my tongue.

Laughter, like the chiming of little bells, sounded behind me, and I turned. Alice had her hand clamped over her mouth, trying to hide her giggles, but it was a lost cause. Her body shook with them.

"That's not funny, Alice. How do you live like that all the time? It was nasty as hell," I grimaced, fighting the urge to spit against the disgusting aftertaste that still lingered in my mouth.

"I'm sorry," she apologized, still cackling. "But you should have seen your face." Her laughing stopped just long enough for her face to twist in an exaggerated grimace, her nose wrinkling before she fell into hysterics again.

"Just for that…" I warned, sprinting towards her. She squealed, still laughing as I caught her in my arms, but her laughter abruptly stopped as I swooped down, taking her lips in a searing kiss.

She offered no resistance whatsoever as I backed her up against the tree that was just behind her, plundering her mouth with mine and tasting her now instead of the paltry excuse for blood. She tasted far better anyway. Every other thought fled from my mind as Alice hummed into my mouth, responding with equal desire and need. She brought her legs up to wrap tightly around my waist and tangled her fingers in my hair, holding me tighter to her.

The undertone of this embrace was different than the ones we'd shared in the past week… this one was primal in nature as our instincts were so much closer to the surface after the hunt.

My hands raked over Alice's body, but it was hidden by the barrier of her clothes, blocking the warm, soft skin that I'd grown so accustomed to feeling under my touch… and that was unacceptable. Tearing my mouth away from hers, I pulled back just enough to see her eyes glowing with the same raw desire that pumped through my veins.

"Do it," she said, her voice rough with need.

Those words from her were all the encouragement that I needed. I hooked my fingers in the neckline of her dress, hearing the rending of the fabric as I wrenched it off in one motion. Heat filled her gaze as the breeze carried away the remnants of fabric baring her body to my hands and eyes again.

A breathy moan passed her lips when my hands began their exploration again, and she pulled my mouth back to hers eagerly. While my hands were busy stroking and kneading the curves I was growing so familiar with, hers were busy disposing of my clothes with a little more care than I'd shown for hers.

Hands raced over flesh, grasping, touching, kneading like we'd never get enough. Lips tasted, teeth nipped, and tongues soothed. We drove each other higher and higher until we couldn't hold back anymore.

Her body opened for the entrance of mine without the slightest hesitation, drawing me in deeper, her arms trying in vain to pull me closer… yet we were already as close as two bodies could get.

Bright white lights exploded behind my eyelids moments later as my body surrendered to the waves of pleasure. Alice was right there with me, her climax merging with mine as we fueled each other on. Her hands tugged on my hair, her body surging against mine until we tumbled to the ground.

We rolled there on the grass, giving and taking, as our hands and mouths fought to consume and bodies tangled together until the two became one.

It was heat and passion, need and desire, intimacy and ecstasy… and so much more.

The blazing colors of the sunset painted the sky before reason finally penetrated the fog of desire that had clouded our minds. Alice nuzzled her face into my chest with a contented sigh, her satiation seeping into my very flesh. A little bemused at the rough nature of our love-play, I plucked a blade of grass out of Alice's mussed hair.

"Don't say anything," Alice chuckled lightly. "You look just as disheveled as I do."

"Do I need to apologize?" I asked, not sensing in the slightest that she'd minded how rough we'd gotten, but feeling the need to ask anyway.

"Don't you dare," she warned, her eyes still sparkling. "As a matter of fact, I might just have to get mad if you do."

"In that case, I won't say a word."

"I'm not made of glass, Jasper," she assured me.

"I know. But you are a lady."

"And you're very much a gentleman," she said with a tender smile, reaching up to brush a stray curl off my forehead. "You'd stop if I needed you to – you've proven that before. I wanted this just as much as you did. Stop worrying."

"Yes, ma'am," I chuckled, drawing her head back down to my chest.

She settled against me happily, keeping her legs still tangled with mine. "So, you survived your first vegetarian hunt. You should be proud." I felt her lips curl up in a smile, her emotions carrying a distinct tone of teasing satisfaction.

I grunted in reply. "Did you have to remind me of that? I can still taste it in the back of my mouth."

"I know it's not the most satisfying, but it's been worth the sacrifice in my opinion. Aside from being a little disgusted by the taste, how do you feel?" She asked, still smiling, though I had the distinct feeling that there was more to her question than met the eye.

"What do you mean?" I questioned, wondering what she was really asking.

She traced a gentle finger in a heart shaped pattern on my chest. "I mean, how do you feel in here?"

I took a second to think about the answer to that question, searching my emotions for any sign of the guilt that usually swamped me after feeding. The guilt, the depression, the despair… none of them were anywhere to be found. I felt… peaceful… though I knew that had more to do with my tryst with Alice than it did with feeding, but still.

"I'll admit that hunting with you certainly has its advantages," I said finally, rolling so that I was hovering over her. "Some very definite advantages," I growled low in my chest and kissed her still-smiling lips. "But you're right. This doesn't seem to have the same effect on my emotions that normal hunting does. And that's something I wouldn't miss." I laid my forehead against hers, truly considering this change of lifestyle for once.

"It's worth an attempt, I suppose," I said more to myself than to her.

"Just promise me something," she said, peering up at me through her thick lashes.

"Anything," I responded immediately, knowing that I'd give her anything she asked for.

"Promise that you won't do this for me," she said solemnly.

I chuckled and shook my head, brushing the tip of my nose over hers with every back and forth motion of my head. "I'm afraid you're asking for the one promise I can't make, darlin. Everything I do now is for you… every breath I take, every moment that I stay alive, I'm doing it for you. You're everything to me now."

Her arms tightened around me and pulled me down so that my body was resting over hers. She hid her face against my neck for a moment, but when she looked up again, earnestness was mixed with her loving expression. "I'm serious, Jasper. Don't do this because you think it's something that I want from you. Do it because it's what you want… because you think it's what's best for you.

"This isn't going to be an easy transition for you to make. I've seen that already. It's going to be, quite possibly, one of the hardest things you've ever done. You're _going_ to struggle with it… for a long time. You're going to get discouraged, and you're going to wonder at times if it's worth it. You need to know that up front. I want you to know what you'd be getting into because I never want you to feel like you got blindsided when things get difficult.

"And I don't ever want to give you reason to resent me because of it." Her voice was pleading, as if she believed such a thing could ever be possible.

"Alice, I don't care what happens, there's nothing that would ever be able to make me resent you – not anything. It's not even a remotely possibility."

"Jasper, _please_. I've never asked anything of you before… I've never made any requests of you, but I'm asking you for this now. Please, promise me that you'll do this for you or not do it at all. You know that I'll love you either way… that's never been a condition to my being with you. I want what's best for you, and I want you to be happy. But I don't ever want you to feel like I've pressured you into a choice that you didn't want to make.

"You may not see it now, but someday you might grow to resent me for that. And I can't live with the fear that that might happen. Please, Jasper, just promise me this much."

I took a moment to truly consider everything she'd said. It was obviously something that she'd been worried about for a while, and I didn't want her to think that I was taking her concerns lightly.

"I think you're worried over nothing," I told her honestly after a long moment, "but if it gives you some peace of mind, then so be it. I promise I'll make this decision based on what I want, not what I think you expect."

Relief filled her eyes as soon as I spoke, filling her words as well. "Thank you."

"But I can't promise not to do it for you… because that would be a lie. And lying to you is something I've already promised not to do."

"I think I can live with that compromise." She stroked her fingers over my cheek, a soft light filling her eyes. "Now," she said, lacing her fingers behind my neck, "what do you say you and I go home?"

A smile of love and contentment stretched over my face at those words. "That sounds good."

"It looks like you get your way this time, though," Alice said, wrinkling her nose.

"How's that?"

"I'm going to need to borrow that shirt again," she said, glancing pointedly at the scraps of fabric that were all that remained of her unfortunate dress.

"I think I can accommodate you with that. Sorry about your dress, though."

"I'm not," she said, eyes darkening with remembrance, though a smile tugged at her lips.

I groaned, burying my face in her neck as desire swept, rapid and fierce, over me yet again. "You're going to be the death of me yet, woman."

She laughed, nudging my shoulders so that she could get up. "I can think of worse ways to go," she teased.

I stepped into my pants, which were still thankfully in one piece, as Alice wrapped herself in my shirt.

"Come on," I said, holding out my hand to her once we'd finished. "Let's go home."

But as Alice slipped her tiny hand in mine, I knew that _home_ wasn't the four walls and the roof that made up our house… home was where she was.

_She_ was my home.

* * *

I'm sorry that I hurt you,  
It's something I must live with everyday.  
And all the pain I put you through,  
I wish that I could take it all away  
And be the one who catches all your tears.

I've found a reason for me  
To change who I used to be,  
A reason to start over new  
And the reason is you.

I've found a reason to show  
A side of me you didn't know.  
A reason for all that I do.  
And the reason is you.

The Reason  
by Hoobastank

* * *

We're almost to the end! :)/:( One more actual chapter and then the epilogue… though, to be honest, this one felt like the end to me!

I felt so bad after the last chapter's AN… I don't like feeling like I've disappointed when you've all been so sweet and supportive throughout the story. So, I've been thinking, and I've come up with a compromise that will hopefully make us all happy. I'm still sticking with my original vision for A&A, but, if you're interested, put me on author alert if you haven't already and keep your eyes open for a short project when this is over that gives a little more detail about Jasper and Alice's very early interaction with the Cullens. It's a compromise that I'm actually really excited to write! :D

And also, if you haven't read my story Journey Through the Flames and you want an idea of how I envision their actual "joining the family" occurred, you might be interested to check out Journey's Chapter 7 and 8 which tells that in detail. The link is, of course, on my profile page. :)

As always, thanks for reading! Please take a second and let me know that you thought!

Nik

And follow me on Twitter if you'd like… AnEnduringHope… I'm a sucker for giving out story teasers so you never know what you might see! ;)


	11. Chapter 11

I am SO SORRY that it took me this long to get this chapter to you guys. There are many reasons for that, but I won't subject you to them. For those of you who follow me on Twitter, you already know that my life has been an emotional roller coaster these last several weeks. I truly do appreciate all of you for your support and sweet words of encouragement when I most need them. I heart you all _hard_. :)

I know that there will undoubtedly be errors in this chapter that I missed. Please be forgiving of me for any that you see! OK, enough from me… enjoy!

* * *

**Chapter 11**

**Alice**

_._

Two years later…

The sun glistened like diamonds on the brook behind the house. The afternoon was quiet and tranquil with just the sound of the water tripping over the rocks and the wind flitting through the trees.

Jasper lay stretched out beside me with his head resting on my lap. He was almost purring in contentment as I sifted my fingers through his hair, gently massaging his scalp. His body was boneless in relaxation, his face smooth and his features peaceful – so completely unlike the man from just two years ago.

When I really stopped to think about how far he'd come since I first met him, I was unceasingly amazed. Just seeing him so utterly peaceful and trusting now compared to how guarded he'd been at first always thrilled me.

The last two years had been wonderful… we were both blissfully content. We'd stepped fairly seamlessly into our new roles as lovers and mates. Things weren't exactly perfect, of course, but it was just about as close to perfection as one could get… loving someone the way I loved him, and being loved so completely in return. All of our differences of personality and opinion aside, that was the only thing that truly mattered… it was the foundation everything else was built on.

There were days when I thought the happiness just might grow to be too much to hold inside. At times I thought I might burst wide open from it. And I rejoiced in that every single day. As long as I'd waited for this day to come, it was just that much sweeter now. This, with him, was something I'd never take for granted.

There were only two real points of contention between us anymore… the first one being the Cullens. Throughout the last couple of years, I'd found ways to work them into our conversations, casually mentioning them as I had the opportunity to do so. Jasper wasn't adamantly opposed to the idea of meeting them anymore as he had been at first, but it had taken a long time for him to become even remotely accepting of the idea.

He responded with questions of his own about them at times recently. But I wondered if it was true curiosity on his part, or if it was just his way of gathering information about them – I didn't think the soldier inside would ever really let him rest. I never could quite tell if that was what his reasoning was, though, and I didn't ask.

I didn't ever push him to leave the home we'd created to find them. He knew that was what I eventually wanted, but I wanted him to be ready first. I'd wait for him. I always did. Just because I'd had the chance to see what would happen through my visions didn't mean that he didn't need time to catch up with me. And I knew I'd give him as much time as he needed. That was one thing we had plenty of.

The only other blemish on our happiness was still the issue of hunting. After his first hunt with me, he'd gone on a hunt-to-hunt basis. Sometimes he accompanied me, and sometimes he went on his own. We'd openly discussed every facet of this decision, and we knew how the other thought and felt about it. But he had to be the one to make that final choice, not me.

I'd tried urging him to hunt larger game, thinking it might not be such a deterrent for him. He'd admitted to me after he'd tried it that the taste wasn't that much better than the herbivores. He really couldn't tell much difference – it was all varying shades of disgusting anyway.

He'd gone back and forth for several months, battling between the dissatisfaction of vegetarian hunting and the depression of feeding any other way. It was only in the last few months that he'd committed to hunting animals exclusively. It wasn't easy for him at all. But we hadn't had any contact with humans in all that time so there had been no opportunity for him to stumble in his new choice.

I'd been brutally honest with him about what I saw in his future where this was concerned. It was something he'd struggle with for many years… and he'd struggle hard. I wanted him to know that, though – I wanted him to know ahead of time what he was getting into. I needed him to be able to make an informed decision… and not feel like he'd been pushed into something he didn't want later.

I never wanted him to be able to say that I'd lied to him – whether by omission or commission – and I never wanted to give him reason to say that I'd manipulated him. That was something I just wouldn't do. He'd been manipulated enough in his life.

Aside from those two issues, our little world was perfect. All the visions I'd had of us together like this had fallen so far short of the real thing it was almost laughable. This kind of closeness and intimacy in a relationship was a new world for both of us, but we were discovering and exploring it together… and enjoying every moment of it.

I felt Jasper shift to look at me when my hand stilled abruptly in his hair, but I didn't really see it… my focus was on the vision dancing in front of my eyes – two figures who, at one time, had played prominently in my second sight, but over the last few years had been mostly absent from it. And I was quite surprised to see them now so suddenly.

When the vision faded, I noticed Jasper sitting up beside me, his hands rubbing up and down my arms. I'd asked him one time why he always seemed to hover so protectively over me when I was occupied with a vision. He'd told me that it was because, with my attention diverted inside my mind like that, I was more vulnerable… he couldn't help it.

I thought it a little silly that he felt that strongly about protecting me when there wasn't a soul, mortal or immortal, around for miles, but I'd never tell him that. And secretly, I was delighted by it. I liked that protective side of him… it was an incredibly awe-inspiring feeling to know that someone was so willing to defend your life with their own. It was just one more way that he made me feel incredibly cared for.

"What did you see?" he asked, stroking my face with the fingertips of one hand. "You seemed pleased about whatever it was."

I leaned into his hand, smiling. "Some friends of yours are going to be in the area soon."

"Friends of mine?" His forehead wrinkled in confusion.

"Mmhmm. Peter and Charlotte."

"Really?" The confusion on his face transformed to eagerness. "They're coming here? When?"

"Tomorrow night, I believe. I thought maybe we could meet up with them… I'd like to actually meet them _outside_ of my visions."

"I'd love for you to." His eyes turned thoughtful. "It's been a while since I've seen them," he said seemingly to himself before lifting his eyes back up to mine, lit from within with a teasing glow. "What do you think, will they be surprised?"

I giggled, just imagining what their reaction to this new Jasper that had emerged might be. "I'd say that's a pretty safe bet. You're quite a bit different now than you used to be. They probably won't know what to think." I tapped my finger against the tip of his nose. "Actually, they might just think that I'm some kind of witch that's cast a spell on you."

He laughed deep in his chest, his lips turning up in the smile that I loved so much – the kind of smile he reserved only for me. "Not a witch," he said, lowering his head to seek out my lips with his. "An angel. _My_ angel."

His mouth caressed mine gently, our lips molding together perfectly. My eyelids fluttered closed as his hands came up to weave through my hair, tilting my face so that he could deepen the kiss.

"You said they're coming tomorrow night?" he breathed, nipping my lips lightly with his teeth.

I murmured in assent, too distracted by the drugging movements of his mouth against mine to form a coherent sentence. "As close… as I can tell."

He hummed into my mouth, his hands leaving my hair and stroking down my sides to rest at my waist. "That's good…"

He pulled me gently down, lowering us both to the ground, until my body rested over his. And the rest of the world receded, then, shrinking to the pulsating waves of pleasure that his body drew so readily from mine. Everything else was forgotten.

Later the next night, I stood in front of the mirror, smoothing the skirt of my dress yet again. I'd changed three times, not satisfied with how I'd looked in any of them. I wasn't sure why I was suddenly so nervous about meeting Peter and Charlotte – it wasn't that I saw it going anything other than well. But, aside from Maria herself, these were the two people who'd played the biggest role in Jasper's life.

Before he'd met me, these were the only two people he'd felt any true affection for in the whole course of his immortal life, even before he'd known how to express the fact that he cared. They were the closest thing to family he had, and I supposed that was where my anxiety stemmed from.

With those thoughts, two arms slipped around my waist as Jasper drew me against the warmth of his chest. He pressed his lips against my temple. "Quit fussin', darlin," he said, as he caught my hands in his, stilling their motion. "You look beautiful."

"Thank you." I felt the tremors of nervousness melt away as he held me. He didn't have to use his gift for that, he just naturally had that soothing effect on me.

"You're anxious. Why?"

"No reason," I said, turning around in the circle of his embrace to wind my arms around his neck. "I'm just being silly."

His eyes softened in a smile, and he kissed the tip of my nose and both corners of my mouth before pressing his lips tenderly to mine. "Are you ready?"

"Ready as I'll ever be. Let's go."

I led the way when we left the house, following the landmarks that I'd seen in my visions. Jasper followed closely beside me. He caught my hand in his when we finally stumbled on their scent, taking the lead then. Though the scent meant nothing to me, I knew it was very familiar to him.

We slowed slightly as the scent grew stronger, giving them plenty of time to notice our approach. It was a bizarre kind of feeling as there, in the clearing, the two immortals that I'd seen in my visions so often stood not a hundred yards in front of us. They turned around to face us, recognition, shock, uncertainty and a range of other emotions playing rapidly over their features.

Jasper stepped forward, closing the distance, with a genuine smile on his face. Peter and Charlotte passed a quick glance between themselves. I knew how different Jasper must seem to them now – the last time they'd seen him, he'd been nearly comatose from his depression. The man standing before them now wasn't that same man at all.

"Peter, Charlotte, it's good to see you," he greeted when we reached them, extending his hand towards Peter.

Peter looked uncertainly at Jasper's proffered hand for a moment before reaching out and shaking it. The Jasper from even five years ago would never have initiated any form of physical contact, even something as casual as a handshake, and it was obvious that Peter didn't really know what to think about this. He looked back and forth between the two of us and the place where Jasper still clasped my hand in his left.

"Jasper," he spoke finally, though the greeting sounded more like a question – like he was doubting what he was seeing in front of him. "It's good to see you again."

When Peter released his hand, Jasper reached to shake Charlotte's. "How are you, Charlotte?"

"I'm just fine," she answered, just as stunned as her mate. "And who's this?" she asked, glancing at me with more than a little curiosity.

Jasper smiled down at me, letting go of my hand to wrap his arm around my waist, drawing me closer – a fact that made both Peter and Charlotte's eyes widen minutely. "This," he said with unmistakable love and pride in his voice, "is my Alice."

"It's a pleasure to meet both of you," I said when they remained stunned into silence. "I've heard so much about you that I feel like I already know you." That was only a partial truth… Jasper had talked about them, yes, but I didn't think it was wise to mention my visions right now on top of everything else. They had enough to process without that added to it.

Charlotte was the first to recover, smiling warmly at me though confusion remained lined on her face. "It's nice to meet you, Alice."

Jasper spoke up then, trying to diffuse the awkwardness of the encounter. "Alice and I have a home nearby here. We were hoping you'd come back with us. It would be nice to have a chance to catch up with you."

"A home?" Peter asked, his eyebrow raising in surprise. With their nomadic existence, I was sure that sounded odd to them.

"Yes," Jasper nodded.

Peter and Charlotte exchanged another glance, and Peter nodded towards Jasper. "Of course. We'd like that. I'm sure we all have a lot to catch up on," his voice was laced with irony. That was a bit of an understatement on his part.

"Wonderful."

Jasper kept his arm draped around my waist as we walked back towards the house. He asked general questions about where the two of them had traveled since he'd seen them last, places they'd seen and casual inquiries such as that.

Their eyes took in everything even as they carried on their end of the conversation – the way Jasper held me so casually when I knew they'd never seen him invite anyone that close in all they years they'd known him, the easy-going way he smiled and conversed now. And then, when we reached the house, their gaze seemed to catalog everything from the sparkling windows to the flowers that grew around the perimeter. They both commented on the scenic view of the mountains and then followed us inside when we invited them to do so.

Jasper and I had continued to work on our house since we'd moved into it, adding little personal touches here and there. Jasper had taken the books we'd found in the loft and made a bookshelf for them where they sat displayed now along with the chess set he'd found as well. He refused to play with me anymore once he'd realized how my foresight pretty well guaranteed my win. I'd teased him about his fragile male ego not being able to handle being beaten by a woman… and he'd proceeded to show me in other – more satisfying – ways how his ego was anything but fragile.

We'd taken some of my artwork and decorated the walls with it – some pictures just of Jasper and some of us together. When he'd complained that there weren't any of just me, I'd handed him paper and pencil and commissioned him to do it. He'd laughed and eventually complied. He didn't like the finished product, saying that he had no artistic ability, but I hung that one up over the fireplace with the rest in spite of his playful protests. I loved it whether he did or not. That had felt like an opportunity to see myself through his eyes, and despite his claims to the contrary, that…or rather _he_… made me feel beautiful.

Several hours passed as we danced around the topics that were uppermost on all our minds, staying with a very general conversation. Finally Jasper chuckled under his breath. "Peter, just ask before you burst wide open. I'd rather not have to clean up that mess," he said drily.

Peter made a sound between a laugh and a snort. "I don't even know where to start," he said. "You know as well as I do how much I'm in shock right now."

Jasper nodded, amusement plainly written on his features. "All right, then. I'll start for you. No, my eyes aren't red anymore," he said, addressing the most obvious physical change. "The reason for that being that I'm no longer hunting humans. Alice and I feed from animals which is what makes our eyes this color."

"And that's possible? Hunting animals, that is?" Peter's voice didn't hold any ridicule, only perplexity.

"It's not easy, and it's not particularly pleasant. But it is possible, yes."

Peter and Charlotte both seemed to contemplate this for the space of several breaths. "Well, whatever you're doing, it seems to be working for you. And I'm glad for that," Peter said sincerely. Even though I knew he still had questions, he didn't push for further explanations. Not now, at least.

"So am I," Charlotte smiled. "Now," she said, her grin widening, "I'm curious. How did you two meet?"

I glanced up at Jasper, letting him make the decision how much to tell them about both our meeting and my second sight. His arm wrapped just a little tighter around my shoulders, drawing me closer into his side.

"After I left you both, I just wandered for a while," he said, his eyes clouding with remembrance. "This little lady found me a couple of years later when I was in Philadelphia." His smile was warm as he glanced down at me.

"So you just happened upon each other, then?" Peter asked, sensing that there was more to the story than that. He knew Jasper too well to think otherwise.

"Not exactly," Jasper admitted. I nodded for him to continue when he looked to me for approval. "Alice is one of the gifted ones," he told them. "She has the gift of foresight. She'd been looking for me for quite some time, and she was there waiting for me."

Both Peter and Charlotte's surprise was obvious even to me. "You're serious?" he asked Jasper. "I've never heard of any of our kind actually having that ability before."

"Neither had I. But I'm glad she did." He pressed a kiss to my hair, regardless of the audience.

"So am I," I said, leaning into him.

Neither of them probed any deeper than that for the moment. They respected our privacy enough not to. Conversation flowed more freely after that, the awkwardness from before eventually melting away altogether.

I found it somewhat amusing that as the three of them continued to talk, they all seemed to slip back into a heavier Southern drawl. Even when I'd first met him, Jasper's accent hadn't been quite _that_ thick, but the time spent with them seemed to exaggerate it. And they all seemed oblivious to it.

As more time passed, I could see that Peter wanted to talk to Jasper alone, he just didn't seem sure how to go about suggesting it. So I did. I asked Charlotte if she'd like to walk with me and give the men time to talk amongst themselves. She agreed, and, with a kiss for our men, we slipped out the door, leaving them to talk without interruption.

Charlotte and I walked in quiet companionship, meandering down the bank of the winding stream behind the house. The silence wasn't awkward. I knew Charlotte, as well as Peter, had a lot to process from what they'd seen in the last couple of days.

She looked over to me after a few moments, a smile playing at her lips. "You're quite the miracle worker, you know," she said. "Peter and I never imagined that we'd see Jasper quite like this. You obviously make him very happy, Alice. And I'm glad he has you."

"Thank you," I said solemnly, stopping my steps and turning to face her.

"For what?"

"For everything you and Peter have done for him," I told her sincerely. "If you hadn't come back for him when you did…" My voice trailed off, and I shook my head at the thought. If they hadn't acted when they did, he would have died soon after. And I would never have had the chance to know him. "Not many people would have done that, but I'll always be grateful that you did. We both owe you so much."

"I never blamed Jasper for what happened," Charlotte said intently, knowing exactly what I was referring to. "Jasper has always been first and foremost a soldier. He was only following orders. And it was because of him that we got away at all. We owed him.

"Peter knew that Jasper's time was limited there. He said that things had deteriorated so much with Maria that he knew Jasper wouldn't last much longer – she'd have found a way to get rid of him before he became more of a liability than the asset he'd always been. We couldn't let that happen."

"It would have," I told her. "I'd started to see flickers of that more often towards the end. If he hadn't ended things himself, she would have. She'd been considering it more and more at the time. And that's all the more reason why I'm glad you went back for him."

Charlotte hummed, not seeming to be surprised by that fact. "Peter's always had a great respect for Jasper," she told me. "And, to be honest, we've both often wondered just what it might be like to see the man he is behind the soldier – the kind of man and the kind of officer he was before Maria's influence.

"Even when we knew him, there was still evidence of it in the little things. Jasper was always a more fair-minded man than was common in that environment. Don't get me wrong, he always demanded complete and immediate compliance when he gave an order, but as long as we were cooperative, he was more inclined to base his judgment on our performance rather than his own whims. He wasn't capricious as most of the others were."

I listened intently as she told me this. I'd seen all of this in my visions, but I was only a distant witness to it. Charlotte had actually been there. She'd been an active participant in things that I'd only seen, and I was fascinated listening to her account of them.

"Peter always said that Jasper was a natural leader – that there was something about him that you just wanted to follow. He wasn't one to ask those under him to do anything he wouldn't first do himself. And, in a fight, he was always there on the front with his soldiers."

She looked over at me and smiled. "Jasper is a good man. He always has been – even when he didn't believe it himself. Hard as Maria tried, she never could quite change that. But you, Alice, you bring out the very best in him, and I can't tell you how happy I am to see that."

"Thanks," I ducked my head, a little embarrassed, not knowing exactly what to say to her frank assessment. As we continued to walk and talk about more trivial things, I tried to block out visions of Jasper and Peter's conversation. I felt like I was eavesdropping. But as attuned to Jasper as I was, it wasn't an easy task to ignore them.

I knew they had things they wanted to talk about, and I knew that Jasper valued Peter's opinion. And I saw enough to make me hope that he really was listening to Peter now. But, wanting to give them the privacy that I'd set out to do in the first place, I tuned out my visions of them the best I could, simply enjoying my conversation with Charlotte for now.

* * *

**Jasper**

Peter and I sat watching our girls disappear from sight. I always felt strangely empty whenever Alice and I were apart now. We'd barely left each other's side for the last two years, and it made me a little anxious whenever we were parted. I knew Alice had managed to keep herself safe for almost thirty years without me looking after her, but it left me restless all the same.

"Amazing, isn't it?" Peter asked, not even trying to hide his grin.

"What's that?"

"The difference just one person can make… how completely the right person can alter your life."

"I know." The life I'd lived before Alice – the man I'd been before her influence – seemed like a different existence altogether. And now, with the one person from that previous life that I'd actually considered a friend sitting here across from me, the differences seemed even more obvious than usual. "Peter, I owe you an apology… a lot of them, in fact."

"No, you don't," he cut me off, shaking his head stubbornly. "The past is the past, Jasper. Leave it be. Neither of us are the same men we were then."

"We're not, are we?" I chuckled under my breath as he voiced the same thing I'd been thinking. "It's funny how quickly things change… how completely our priorities are shifted," I said absently.

"She's good for you, Jasper," Peter's voice was earnest. "I've never seen you happy like this. You finally seem like you're at peace, and I know that's because of her. You, of all people, deserve to have that. Even with this animal thing," he chuckled. "Strange as it sounds, it seems to be working for you."

I snorted as he brought up this new diet, just as I'd known he eventually would. "In some ways," I said. "It's not a particularly easy or pleasant transition to make."

"But you always were worse off after you'd hunted. With your particular gift, I can see why this might be a better option for you."

"It's a tradeoff, I suppose. It feels unnatural," I admitted, being honest with him, "and there's very little satisfaction in it. But it doesn't seem to have the same negative effect on my emotions. So, for me it's essentially a choice between physical pain and emotional trauma. Neither one is a particularly pleasant option.

"I don't know if this is something I can continue for the rest of my life. I just don't know. I don't know if I _want_ to. And Alice can only be as sure about my future as I am. We've just been taking it one day at a time at this point. She's been wonderful about all of this, though. I couldn't ask for anyone to be more understanding and supportive than she is."

"How did she ever think to try something like that? Especially when it goes so much against our instincts?"

"There are others out there, apparently, who live the same way. A family of them, in fact." Peter's eyebrow quirked at the use of that word. "Yes, a family. Alice insists they're not a coven. She saw them shortly after she was changed and knew she wanted to be one of them. She adjusted her diet to fit theirs and then went looking for me, knowing that we were supposed to be together."

Confusion lined Peter's face. "So, she wants…"

"Yes." I nodded, grinning wryly. "She wants us to find them. Do you know how many of them there are living together already?" I asked rhetorically. "Five. There are five of them. Add Alice and me, and you have _seven_… seven of our kind trying to live peacefully together. I can't think of one instance when that many immortals have been able to exist together peacefully like that. It has the very real potential to end disastrously.

"Alice assures me that they're a peace-loving family. And she's been observing them for years. That's what she wants, Peter. She loves them like her family already even though she's never met them. I know that just from listening to her speak of them. And I'm torn now.

"I know, from everything that's happened in my life over the last few years, that nothing is impossible. As completely as Alice has changed me, is it so hard to believe that this could work out to exceed any of my expectations… is it so hard to believe that this could possibly be a good thing? Alice wouldn't be so set on it if she thought it might not work.

"And then I wonder if it might not be easier for me to live this life if I'm surrounded by others making the same sacrifices. Maybe that kind of accountability would help. I just don't know. But then I look back on my experience, and I can't see how a scenario like that could ever work. It seems absolutely impossible to even consider it."

Peter sat quietly, taking in all that I'd confided to him. "I don't really know what to tell you, Jasper. The only thing I know for sure is that Alice has your back, just like you have hers. It's obvious just from watching her around you that she adores you… the same way you adore her. She isn't going to lead you into a situation that's going to be detrimental to either one of you."

"I know that. And I do trust her – completely – it's just that…"

"It's an unknown," he finished for me. "And it's not something that you can control. That's nerve wracking, I know."

"Always before when I made decisions like this – when I went with you and left Maria, when I took a chance and followed Alice – I asked myself what I had to lose. The answer was always nothing. I had nothing to lose because I _had_ nothing… not my life, not my freedom… _nothing_.

"That's not the case now. If we go, and it ends badly, I stand to lose _everything_. If Alice is wrong and we can't live peacefully with them, it would only take one moment gone horribly wrong to lose everything I care about. You and I have seen how quickly that can happen. That's a chance that I'm afraid to take.

"But at the same time, I know this is what Alice wants. How can I deny her something that she desires simply for the sake of my fear. That's not fair to her."

Once again, Peter contemplated what I'd said for a long moment. I didn't really expect him to have any advice, I just appreciated the listening ear.

"Just don't base your decision on your experience, Jasper," he said finally, his voice low and pensive. "Our perception of the world was skewed from the very moment we were changed. Just think about what our reactions would have been ten or twenty years ago if someone had told us we'd be where we are today. We would have laughed and said that was impossible. But it wasn't. We only believed that it was.

"The world isn't anything like we thought it was, Jasper. That's already been proven."

"I know."

"So maybe this is just one more area where we were wrong. But you'll never know until you take the chance. You just have to decide which one you're going to put your faith in – the world as you knew it from Maria… or Alice."

"When you put it that way…"

"It's not that cut and dried, I know…"

"But it's still the truth," I interjected. "When it's all said and done, that's what it really comes down to. You're right."

He let the subject drop then, and the girls came back inside only a few minutes later. Peter and Charlotte stayed for one more day before deciding it was time to move on again. Alice and I followed them out, embracing them warmly. With good wishes all around and a promise to reconnect soon, they were on their way.

Alice and I stood waving as they vanished from sight. She settled back against my chest, resting her arms over mine when I wrapped them closely around her waist. I curved my body around hers, leaning my cheek against her temple.

"I'm glad I finally got to meet them," Alice said with a contented little sigh as I placed a gentle kiss to her temple. "I like them even better in person."

"They loved you," I told her, squeezing her lightly. "But I'm of the opinion that it would be fairly impossible for anyone _not_ to love you."

Alice giggled airily, turning her face to look at me with sparkling eyes. "I think you might be just a _little_ bit biased about that."

"Maybe just a little bit," I admitted, kissing the very tip of her nose. She settled back against me comfortably once again.

With Alice in my arms, I thought back over what Peter and I had talked about. Was I really going to let my fears and possibly my faulty perceptions hold us back from the life that Alice had seen for us? Was I really going to choose to place my trust in something other than her?

It had been a rather eye-opening experience having not only Alice but Peter and Charlotte as well all in one place. I knew that in my human life I had known how it felt to be surrounded by people who not only cared for me but that I cared for as well. I just hadn't experienced it in this life until so recently.

Could I deny Alice the chance to have that herself when she had no memories of experiencing it before? Could I really hold her back from something she wanted so much? To keep her from people that she already loved as her family? As much as I loved her myself could I deny her the chance to be loved by others as well?

I knew now that my fears were the only thing that was truly holding us back. And that wasn't a good enough reason anymore.

"Alice?" I said, causing her to look up at me, a question in her eyes now. "I'll go," I said simply.

She stared at me blankly for the space of a breath. "What?" she stammered, turning in my arms so that she was facing me.

"I'll go… with you to find the Cullens. We can pack up and leave now if that's what you still want."

"Just that easy?"

"Just that easy." I assured her.

"What changed? You've been so opposed to it up to now. I don't understand what happened to change your mind?"

"You've said that this is the path you've always seen for us. You've said that it's what's best. And I believe you. I'm still not necessarily thrilled with the thought of joining such a large coven, but you wouldn't be leading us into this if you thought there was any danger.

"I won't ever get past my preconceptions until I actually try. I've said that I trust you, Alice, and now I'm putting that trust in action."

"You're sure?" she asked, searching my eyes. "You're absolutely sure?"

"I'm sure of you. And that's enough for me."

A brilliant smile spread over Alice's face as she pulled my face down for a warm, enthusiastic kiss. I felt her joy at my final consent seeping into my flesh, further cementing in my mind that I'd made the right choice. I knew this was a risk, but I finally felt like it was one worth taking… especially if it made her this happy.

As it was, we waited a few more days before packing up. Alice wanted to make sure that I wasn't going to change my mind. But I wasn't going to do that to her. She wanted this too much.

Finally, three days after Peter and Charlotte's departure, we packed up our things into two small bags. We didn't take much, just Alice's journals, a few changes of clothes for each of us and various other small items we didn't want to leave behind.

A heavy sense of nostalgia settled over me – both from my own emotions as well as Alice's – when we stepped outside the front door of our home for the last time, pulling the door shut behind us.

Alice and I stood silently side by side for several long moments. This little house was where we'd truly begun our life together, this was where we'd made so many memories that we'd treasure for the rest of our eternity… this had been our little piece of heaven here on earth. And now that we were actually leaving, it was difficult to walk away from that.

"It's just a house," Alice said, trying to convince herself of that, though she spoke with little conviction. "And we can always come back here someday."

"Of course we can."

"I'm being ridiculous, aren't I?" she asked with a trembling voice.

"If you are, then we're being ridiculous together. I'll miss this place too."

Alice laughed shakily. "Two years ago when you saw it for the first time, would you have ever thought you'd be saying this now?"

I chuckled lowly and cupped her cheek with the palm of my hand, "You were right about it… then again, you're always right." I teased, making her laugh a little more genuinely. "But, darlin, everything that's important, we're taking with us."

I wasn't talking about material possessions – not at all – and Alice knew that. The things that truly mattered were things that would go with us wherever the future led – the love that had overcome obstacles that, at first, had seemed insurmountable… the new life that we had created for ourselves… and the hope that Alice's arrival had brought about… hope that brightened each and every day and made the future rich with possibilities.

This first chapter in our life together was coming to a close, and while that was a sobering and poignant thought, we knew it wasn't truly an end. We were simply transitioning from one phase to the next.

"Are you ready?" I asked gently.

Alice took a deep breath and turned her eyes from our little home to focus on mine. "Ready," she said.

Not saying anything else, I smiled then and held out my hand to her. She took it with a knowing smile playing at her lips. Just like that first day in the diner, the moment our hands touched, the moment I felt her little palm slide against mine, a warm current of emotion surged to my heart from her touch. But, unlike before, this time I knew exactly what it was.

It was hope.

It was love.

It was joy.

It was everything good that her presence had restored to my life.

More than two years had passed since the day that she'd first danced into my life… since she'd resurrected my long-dormant heart and made her home there. More than two years since she'd become the one that my whole world revolved around.

Looking back, I couldn't believe that I'd been foolish enough to resist her as long as I did. But I knew now that opening my heart to her had been the single best decision I'd ever made in all my years. From that moment onward, I knew I wouldn't change a thing.

Raising our joined hands, I pressed a soft kiss to the back of her hand. Alice was all that mattered to me now. I'd follow her anywhere. And as long as she was by my side, that was all I'd ever need.

* * *

There you have it… the final chapter before the epilogue! I'll do my best not to keep you waiting another 5 weeks for that! LOL I'm curious as to whether any of you saw this turn of events coming… I really like Peter and Charlotte's characters so I had to show them some love here. I hope you enjoyed it. :)

It's your turn now to show me some love… hit the review button and let me know what you thought! Thanks so much!

Nik


	12. Epilogue

No five week long wait this time… aren't you proud of me? ;) Epic note at the end… Enjoy the chapter, and I'll see you down below! 

* * *

**Epilogue**

**Alice**

_._

_April 3, 1954_

.

"Alice, get your hands away from your hair. You're going to mess it up." Rosalie scolded, swatting my hands away.

"It's too short to do anything with." My voice had a definite whine to it. I knew I was being ridiculous, but both Rosalie and Esme had their hair pulled back into elegant looking French twists, and, futilely, I wished that just for today I could do something that sophisticated with mine too. Instead it was curled closely to my scalp as I debated what else to do with it. I hadn't been able to come up with anything that made me happy, and I was running out of time to make up my mind.

"Yes, it's short," Rosalie said, her voice matter-of-fact, "but you're so small that anything else would overwhelm you. It suits you like this. And besides," her voice became conspiratorial, "I have an idea."

"Rose!" I exclaimed, suddenly seeing very clearly what she had planned. "I love it. It's beautiful!"

"I knew you'd like it." Her face was smug.

"How did you keep me from seeing that?"

"I'll never tell," she winked, slipping from the room and returning just three seconds later with a small box in her hands. She spent the next few minutes pinning the curls back loosely weaving in tiny white flowers and little crystals that sparkled in the fading afternoon light. The finished product was even more beautiful than I'd first seen, and I threw my arms around her neck when she held up the mirror so that I could see the back.

"Thank you, thank you, thank you. I love it, Rose."

"Ready to get into your dress now?" she asked, obviously very pleased with my response.

I nodded eagerly. Rosalie helped me into the dress, zipping up the back and turning me to face the full-length mirror. Seeing myself standing there in the floor length white dress was a surreal kind of feeling. I'd dreamed about this day for years, and now that it was finally here I felt like I was living inside that dream. And I never wanted to wake up.

It was eight years ago today that I'd found Jasper, and we'd chosen the eighth anniversary of our meeting as the day that we'd tie ourselves to each other in the very last way possible… making our union legal and public.

"Alice, you look beautiful," Esme exclaimed as she glided into the room with my veil in her hands. "Like a princess," she said, smiling as proudly as if I'd been her own flesh and blood daughter.

"I feel like a princess," I told her, unable to keep the smile from my face.

The dress truly had a princess feel to it with its sweetheart neckline and the lace overlay, embroidered with little white flowers on the sleeves. Around the waist and the hemline of the flared skirt, it was decorated in little crystal beading. I'd never worn anything so elegant before.

"And here's the very last touch," she said, coming up behind me and carefully pinning the veil in place. "There. Now you're perfect."

A knock sounded outside the door just then. "May the brother of the bride come in?" Edward called from the other side.

"Of course," I told him, smiling as he peeked through the cracked door.

"I'll see you later," Rosalie said as he came into the room. "I need to go get in my dress." She bent down quickly to kiss my cheek as she passed. "You do look lovely, Alice."

"Thank you," I said, "for everything."

"I need to go too," Esme said. "I'll leave you two to talk." She kissed my other cheek and breezed out of the room as well.

"Well?" I asked Edward when they were gone, pirouetting for him. "What do you think?"

Edward smiled widely. "I think you'll need to remind Jasper to breathe when he sees you. The lack of oxygen wouldn't hurt him, of course, but the human guests might start to wonder after a few minutes."

I giggled at the thought. "Is he nervous? I can't really tell."

"His thoughts are surprisingly calm. And all about you, as always."

I ducked my head at that. Edward usually tried to be very discreet about the things he heard in other's thoughts, not sharing things that weren't his to share. But this he'd told me before, not entirely meaning to at the time. He'd said that Jasper's head was an interesting place to be. That in one way or another, I seemed to be in every thought he had. When I'd mentioned it to Jasper later, he'd simply smiled and said that I was the only thing that gave meaning to his life, so of course his thoughts were of me.

"I hadn't seen him running away or anything," I teased. "So I didn't think I had to worry about him leaving me at the altar."

"I don't think there's any chance of that," Edward chuckled. Taking a deep breath then, he took a small box out of his coat pocket. "I know you've already seen this, so I know it's not a surprise, but I want to give this to you anyway."

He held out the box, placing it gently in my upturned palm. Inside, nestled against the black velvet, was a necklace. There were two delicate strands of pearls with a ruby pendant in the shape of a teardrop suspended in the middle and surrounded by two smaller ones on either side.

"It was my mother's," he told me. "I gave one to Esme when she married Carlisle, and I'd like for you to have this one now."

"It's beautiful, Edward. It really is. But…"

"Alice, if you don't take it, it's just going to be in a safe collecting dust," he coaxed with his crooked smile.

"Edward, are you sure? It's just that someday you might meet someone yourself, and you'll want to give her…"

"I have others should that happen," he interrupted me, clearly skeptical that such a thing could ever come about. "And I'd _like_ for you to have this one."

"Thank you, Edward," I conceded, not wanting him to think that I didn't appreciate the gesture. I truly did. "It really is beautiful."

Smiling, he took the box from my hands and lifted the necklace out. I carefully moved the veil aside so he could fasten the dainty clasp around my neck. "There."

"It's perfect." The little ruby pendants hung just under the hollow of my throat, framed perfectly below by the neckline of my dress, just like it had been made for it. I wrapped my arms carefully around Edward, mindful not to wrinkle my dress.

He kissed my forehead before drawing back. "All right, I should get down there. It's almost time."

"All right. I'll see you there."

"Don't forget," he said, pausing at the doorway, "remind him to breathe." Then, with a wink, he was gone.

As I drew the veil down over my face, I could hear the people beginning to gather in the little church. The setting sun had disappeared behind a curtain of clouds for now, ensuring that our anonymity would stay intact around the human guests. There weren't many of them as Jasper and I had chosen to have a small ceremony. I knew he would be more comfortable that way, and I wanted this to be a day that he would hold only good memories of. I didn't want anything to taint it for him. After all, this was something we only planned to do once.

Carlisle rapped gently on the doorframe a few minutes later. "It's time," he said gently. "Are you ready?"

"Ready," I assured him as he walked into the room.

"You look radiant," he told me, smiling lovingly at me like the true father he was. "But then, Cullen brides are always the most beautiful." He winked and held out his arm. I slipped my hand into the crook of his elbow, letting him lead me to the doors of the sanctuary. The sounds of the piano filled the air as we approached, transitioning into the wedding march.

If my heart had been beating, I was sure it would have stopped as the doors opened and Carlisle began walking me down the aisle. Time seemed to slow as every single detail soaked in as if in slow motion…

The "oohs" and "ahhs" as we marched slowly forward. The smiles and the tears on faces. The flowers that adorned each pew. Their delicate fragrance that filled that air. The flowing chords that Edward coaxed from the piano, sounding more beautiful to my ears than they ever had before. Esme beaming from her seat, looking as if she should have tears flowing down her cheeks. Peter and Charlotte clasping hands in their seats, their faces wreathed in smiles. Emmett and Rosalie as they stood at the front as best man and maid of honor, both with love and pride in their eyes.

But all of that faded to nothing the moment my eyes locked on Jasper's.

He stood resplendent in his classic tuxedo at the end of the aisle, looking as polished and handsome as I'd ever seen him. But it was the expression on his face that drew me in and wouldn't let me go.

He was looking at me with an expression of absolute love and adoration completely exposed in his eyes. I'd never seen such naked emotion on his face when we weren't safely alone… his eyes shone so brightly I almost expected to see tears welling there. And he wasn't hiding it. Today he didn't care who saw. This day was about us… and only us.

One slow step at a time, the distance between us closed until finally I stood in front of him. His eyes never left mine. Even as Carlisle lifted my veil and pressed a kiss to my cheek, our eyes stayed locked on each others. Carlisle squeezed my hand lightly before placing it in Jasper's.

The moment our skin touched, the whole world receded until we were the only two remaining. As if from a dream, I heard the minister speaking the words that had been used to join countless couples in the past.

Only, this time, it was for us. Exactly as I'd always dreamed it would be. 

* * *

**Jasper**

.

I'd been surprisingly calm today, considering that it was my wedding day. I supposed, in my mind, this traditional human ceremony didn't actually change anything. Alice and I already belonged to each other – we had since the first moment that we'd committed ourselves to each other years before. In my mind, we'd been married and mated for almost seven years now. But Alice had known that one day we'd take this final step and make our union public and as legal as it could possibly be for us.

This wedding was something she'd wanted, and while I hadn't truly been as enthusiastic about it as she had been, I'd wanted her to have that experience if it was something she desired. I'd thought I was doing this solely for her benefit. But I was wrong.

The moment I saw her appear at the doors of the church in her flowing white gown, escorted on Carlisle's arm with a look of such innocence and expectation displayed on her face, I knew this wasn't just for her at all. This was for me as well. And it would be frozen in my memory for all eternity as one of the single most precious and treasured moments of my existence.

Alice was exquisite.

I hadn't thought it was possible for her to look anymore beautiful than she always did, but I was proven wrong.

She was glowing, her inner joy radiating from her face. As I'd watched her, captivated by the ethereal beauty that she exuded, I'd felt my eyes sting as the overwhelming love and awe she inspired in me fought for some sort of outlet.

I knew there were people watching, but for the moment, I didn't care. All I saw was her. It no longer mattered to me who was there to see the depths of the emotions I usually tried to keep contained. Let them see it. This angel was mine. And today we were making that known.

The moment she took my hand, I felt the sense of wholeness and completion that I always lacked until she was near… the warmth that evaded me unless she was by my side.

"Breathe," she mouthed silently as we turned to face each other at the altar. I chuckled almost inaudibly as I realized that I hadn't taken a single breath since she'd entered the sanctuary. Compared to gazing at her, it seemed such an inconsequential action.

Everything was still save for the occasional sniffle and the quiet sounds of breathing as the minister spoke the words that would bind us legally as man and wife.

"Do you, Jasper Whitlock," he intoned, "take Alice Cullen to be your wedded wife, to live together after God's ordinance in the holy estate of matrimony; will you love her, comfort her, honor and keep her, in sickness and in health, for richer or for poorer, for better or for worse, in joy and in sadness, and forsaking all others, keep yourself only unto her, so long as you both shall live?"

"I will," I answered with no hesitation, looking as deeply into her eyes as I could.

He repeated the words to Alice then, and her own "I will" rang out strong and sure.

Alice's smile was brilliant as he prompted us then through our vows, and I couldn't help but respond in kind, my eyes never once straying from hers as we promised ourselves to each other.

_I, Jasper, take thee, Alice, to be my wedded wife…_

_I, Alice, take thee, Jasper, to be my wedded husband…_

_To have and to hold from this day forward… _

_For better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health… _

_To love and to cherish, for as long as we both shall live._

Emmett handed me the ring, and, once again, following the minister's prompts, I took Alice's hand in mine and slipped the tiny gold band onto her finger.

_With this ring I thee wed; with my body I thee worship; and all my worldly goods I thee endow._

Alice repeated the ritual next, sliding the much thicker band onto my finger with hands and voice trembling from the depth of her emotions.

As the ceremony drew to a close and the time came for the pronouncement, our exultant joy was almost too much to hold inside. Our hands clasped tightly to each other, unwilling to let go for even a moment.

"Forasmuch as Jasper and Alice have consented in holy wedlock, and have thereto confirmed the same by giving and receiving each one a ring; by the authority committed unto me as a minister of the Church of Jesus Christ, I now declare you husband and wife according to the ordinance of God, and the laws of the State of Vermont, in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit, Amen.

"You may now kiss your bride."

With a final squeeze to her hand, I released it and cupped her cheek gently in my palm. Her eyes were overflowing with love and elation as I slowly lowered my face to hers. Our eyes held until the very moment I found her lips with mine, pouring into our kiss all the things that I felt at this moment but hadn't the words to say.

Her arms wound around my neck, returning my kiss eagerly as I slid my own arms around her back. One hand came up to support her neck as I dipped her back, deepening our kiss. The cheering from the guests, most notably – and loudly – from Emmett, pulled me back to our surroundings, and I righted Alice reluctantly once again, pulling away with a final small peck on her lips.

Alice's eyes sparkled vividly, her exultant smile mirrored on my face as, with a last lingering look, we turned to face the small congregation.

"Ladies and gentlemen, it is now my privilege to introduce to you Mrs. & Mrs. Jasper Whitlock."

I hadn't thought it possible that my grin could widen any more without causing my face to split in two, but hearing those words proved me wrong. Alice slipped her hand back in mine as we made our way back up the aisle, feeling like our feet were floating right off the ground.

Once outside, Alice tugged me into a small room off the foyer and wrapped her arms around me, holding me tight. Pulling her slight body closely into mine, pressed together from cheek thigh, we just held each other, rocking slowly back and forth.

"You look so beautiful," I whispered into her hair, pressing my lips fleetingly to her temple.

"You're more than a little distracting yourself." She nuzzled her nose against mine. "The only thing better would've been to have you get married in uniform."

I chuckled, seeking out her lips again, which she offered readily. "That would have raised some questions, though, wouldn't it," I murmured around our kiss.

"Why do you think I didn't push the issue?" she teased, pressing her lips to mine twice more. "We have to go," she said, reluctantly disentangling herself from our embrace. "We have a party to attend, Mr. Whitlock."

"So we do, Mrs. Whitlock," I teased with a smile, bowing at the waist and offering my arm to her.

In lieu of a reception at the church, the backyard of the Cullen home had been transformed to allow for a more private celebration. Edward's piano sat ensconced under the gazebo. The clouds had dissipated to allow for the bright glow of the moon and the thousands of twinkling stars overhead. Candles further illuminated the night with their softly flickering light.

The only ones present aside from our family were Peter and Charlotte, who had been thrilled to see Alice and I settled so well, and the Denali coven – this being our first opportunity to meet them.

Edward took his place at the piano as the others stood back to allow Alice and I to have the first dance. She settled easily in my arms as we swayed to the slow song. Again, I knew there were others present, but for all my awareness of them, there might as well have not been anyone around for miles. The only one I was aware of was Alice.

I reveled in the feel of her small form pressed so closely in my arms, her cheek resting against my chest and her body swaying in time with mine as the music played. When the first song ended, the others coupled up, making their way to our improvised dance floor.

Eventually, I felt someone tap on my shoulder and turned to see Carlisle there. He smiled proudly, clasping me for a moment in a warm, fatherly embrace. I relinquished Alice to him then, giving him his turn to dance with the bride and went to find Esme. She accepted my hand warmly, the same pride that had been on Carlisle's face, obvious on hers as well.

As the night progressed, the dancing and intermingling continued unbroken. The atmosphere around us was one of unmarred celebration. Happiness, contentment, and joy were the overriding emotions, not clouded by anything else. I'd never really experienced anything like this before – being in such a large grouping of our kind and not having even the faintest tremors of unease. It was impossible to feel anything but joy… overwhelming joy. And it was almost too much.

At one point, I glanced to the middle of the lawn where Alice was dancing with Emmett, laughing brightly at something he'd said. Rosalie was taking Edward's place at the piano for now so that he could have his dance with Alice. Even Rosalie and Edward were getting along much better than they normally did, setting aside their differences for tonight.

Seeing everyone smiling and laughing, talking amongst themselves, I slipped away quietly, the contented smile still lingering on my own face. I didn't go far. I could still hear them, still feel myself bathed in the warmth of their emotions. I just wanted a moment to myself.

It was difficult for me to recall now why I'd been so reticent to find the Cullens, enveloped as I'd been by their love and acceptance from the very beginning. It hadn't been an easy transition for me to make at first – it had taken me time to adjust to this new way of life. Yet they'd been nothing but patient and understanding.

They'd shown me all over again what it was like to belong in the midst of a family. Carlisle and Esme in particular were two of the most unselfish and genuinely good-hearted people I'd ever known. And while I didn't always completely get along with Edward, Emmett, and Rosalie, I loved them, just as I knew I was loved in return. And that made it easier to overlook any differences we had.

None of us were perfect, but we'd become a family. Just as Alice had known we would. And I wouldn't take that back now even if I could.

I had always been meant to be with Alice… I'd been incomplete without her from the very start. And we'd always been meant to be here… surrounded by the love of a family. Whole. And complete.

To my right, I both heard and felt Alice's approach and turned to smile at her as she came up to wrap her arms around my waist. "Missed you," she said, reaching up to brush her lips over mine.

I hummed into her mouth and pulled her closer. "You were having fun. I didn't want to disturb you."

"Weren't you? You seemed like you were enjoying yourself."

"I was. I just needed a moment."

Alice wrapped her arms tighter around me. "It was perfect, wasn't it?" she asked, her voice dreamy.

"It _was_ perfect," I assured her, kissing her temple and then laying my cheek against hers. "Was it everything you'd imagined it would be?"

"No," she said without hesitation. Surprised and a little concerned, I pulled back to look at her. She smiled, her eyes sparkling. "It wasn't what I imagined at all. None of this has been – with you… with the Cullens, and now with this. It's all _so much more_ than I ever hoped for. Nothing that I ever imagined even came close."

Relieved, I pulled her closer once again, laying my cheek against the crown of her head.

Against my chest I felt the widening of her grin and the swelling of her excitement as it seeped into me. "And it's not over yet," she said.

I knew exactly to what she was referring to. Back at the house, our bags were packed and our passports ready. We would be en route to Paris as of this afternoon. Alice had long dreamed of going, and when I'd suggested it for our honeymoon, she'd nearly tackled me to the floor right there in her enthusiasm. That was all the answer I needed.

I felt like I finally had enough control of myself to make such a thing possible now. And I'd fight with every ounce of strength in my body to keep my demons at bay if it meant that much to Alice. Nothing was going to spoil this for her… for either of us.

In the distance, the sounds of our loved ones laughing and talking carried on the breeze, and resting so contentedly in my arms stood the very reason for my existence. In this moment, it was difficult to imagine that my life could have taken any other course than it had.

I knew I'd spend the rest of my life giving thanks for all the ways that Alice had altered me and all the ways she'd forever changed my life. And I also knew that I'd spent the rest of my life showing her just how much I loved her for that.

This wasn't a life I ever would have envisioned possible for myself, but, thanks to Alice, there was no doubt in my mind any longer…

I was right where I belonged.

. 

* * *

To all of you who asked if there was going to be a wedding… there you are. ;) I hope it didn't disappoint! (You even got a little bit of the Cullens thrown in there… as well as another appearance from Peter and Charlotte!)

I'm not sure whether to smile or cry… I can't believe this is over! Thank you sooooooooo much to every last one of you who has read and all those of you who have been so sweet with your comments. This story has been such a pleasure to write, and you've all made it even more even more of a joy. I truly do appreciate you all!

As far as future projects go, I am currently working on the bonus to A&A that I promised before. It's going to pick up around the time that the last chapter left off and will give more detail to Alice and Jasper's early days with the Cullens. At this point, I'm thinking it should be a pretty decent size one-shot, but depending on where the story ends up taking me, it could be maybe a two or three chapter deal. I've said before, I'm much too wordy to write a one-shot… it never works! But either way, it's not intended to be a full-length story like this one. I'm hoping that it will be a compromise that most of us will be happy with. I'm very excited to see reactions to it! :)

Aside from that, I'm going to work on finishing up my other story, Trial by Fire, in the near future. So be watching that one (or put me on alert if you haven't already) for news about anything coming up in the future. You never know what I might come up with! And as always you can also follow me on Twitter to stay up to date on future projects… (at) AnEnduringHope. Pictures of Alice's dress and necklace can be found there as well.

OK, I'm gonna go now before I get all sentimental and start crying… please, please take a second and let me know your final thoughts! THANK YOU!

Nik


	13. Oneshot posted!

For those of you who might not have seen, I just wanted to let you know that I've posted the companion one-shot that I promised which gives a glimpse of Alice and Jasper's meeting with and integration into the Cullen family. I took a different approach to things than I usually do, so if you haven't checked it out, please give it a look and let me know what you think! It can be found on my profile page under my stories – Additions and Adjustments.

Thanks so much!

Nik


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